Getting Close to the End - Approaching IUI#9

As everyone knows from the last blog, I took my Follistem 75iu from Thursday 17th - Sunday 20th.  Monday I went in to the fertility center for my ultrasound and bloodwork monitoring.  We were really anxious to see how my follicles were doing since at this appointment last month is when we got the shock that I had 1 dominating follicle and I was ready for IUI.  Monday's appointment went as last months appointment was supposed to be.  After 4 shots of Follistem 75iu, I had 3 follicles on my right ovary and 1 follicle on my left ovary.  I am not positive on the measurments of them but I am thinking they were something like 14.5mm x2, 12.5mm and 10mm.  My Estridoil levels had risen from 36 on the 16th to 181 on the 21st which meant my body was responding well.  We were so glad that all of the follicles were responding at the same rate and I didn't have that 1 dominating follicle again.  If they were to all continue growing at the same pace, we would have 3-4 mature follicles for ovulation.  I had to continue the Follistem 75iu injection for Monday 21st and Tuesday 22nd then I had to return to the fertility center again today for another monitoring and as of today, I had 3 follicles total.  One of the four previous follicles had shrunk so I now had 2 follicles on my right ovary and 1 on my left.  Again, I am not positive on the measurments but I think they were about 19mm, 15.5mm and 13mm.  Again, they look for the follicles to be 18mm to be considered mature so at this point, I have 1 mature follicle.  My E2 levels had risen today to 413 which means my body is continuing to respond well.  Last month I was told they want to see the E2 level above 300 for us to trigger.  Since I have 1 mature follicle and my E2 levels are good, they told us to trigger ovulation tonight with the Ovidrel shot and we will go to the fertility center Friday for the actual IUI.  IUI will be around 11:30am.  If I am not mistaking, 19mm is the smallest follicle we have ever had upon triggering ovulation but I guess atleast it is matured.  The good thing is also that you don't ovulate until 24-36 hours after the Ovidrel shot so all 3 follicles have a chance to continue to grow some before the eggs actually release from the follicle.  In saying this, we will have definately 1 egg and potentially 3 for the IUI.  I am hoping atleast 1 more of the follicles mature so we can atleast have 2 eggs but that we will never know since I won't be having anymore ultrasounds.  We were really hoping I would have matured follicles today because this cycle is already getting pretty expensive.  This cycle alone, we have already spent $926.20 and this is not even including the vial thaw and IUI on Friday which will be an additional around about $420.00.  Usually 1 cycle is about $420.00 so we are more than ready to end this cycle of expense.  As of January 1st, my insurance changed which makes this all more expensive.  Previously, my insurance would pay for the ultrasounds and that was it but with my new insurance, they don't even pay for the ultrasound so absolutely everything is coming out of our pockets. 

Overall, I think we have been doing pretty good lately.  At this point, we really don't talk a whole lot about this last IUI.  It's really hard to believe we are at the end of this road and this is it.  Friday is it.  We are done.  I will be staying up late tonight to give myself my very last ever fertility injection at about 11:30pm and Friday morning we will walk into the fertility center for the very last time EVER unless we end up pregnant this last try.  If I do, we will stay in their care for 10-12 weeks.  Knowing all of this, I think we have been holding up better than expected however, I have noticed I have been on edge the past couple of days.  Friday may be a totally different story too knowing that we will never see those people again.  As I have said before, we will really miss one of the nurses as she has been so wonderful.  She always said she better be invited to the baby shower and no one there had to know who she was.  Shoot, she must not know just how open I am about our story.  Everyone knows it so it wouldn't matter if everyone knew who she was.  Heck, even if we end up adopting, I will most likely call her and tell her about it.  Just because we love her.  It's sad to know that I will never see her again.  Actually, the more I type, I am starting to tear up about it.  I just can't believe this part of our journey is ending.  I know all of the heart ache we have been through has been worth the try but I look back now and say how in the world have we endured everything we have been through.  Poor Trent, I also look back and realize at times that the fertility medicines affected me more than maybe I realized or wanted to realize.  Last night I was fixing to sew something for him and I needed him to help me with something and he came and took something out of my hands then I just snapped and put everything down and said forget it and went to bed.  I didn't even do what he needed done.  I looked back several times today with regrets of being so hateful with him.  I am so glad and thankful that he is so understanding and so supportive.  I asked him today if the medicine has affected me more than what I realize and his response was "Mmmmhhhhh" and that was all I got.  I assume this means I am in pretty big denial of my reactions on the medications.  Again, as ready as I am for all of this to end, I am not ready for it to end.  I know that probably doesn't make any sense but I just can't imagine us ending all of this with no child to show for all of our hard work and dedication to this journey. 

Backtracking a little but there has been 2 days this cycle that I worked late and Trent wasn't able to give me my shots.  I am proud to say that I done them like a champ with no problems at all.  It makes me sad though to know tonight is my last shot ever and Trent will not be able to give it to me because he is working.  He has always enjoyed giving me the shots.  Maybe it is that he enjoys torturing me.  Just kidding.  I think he knows he is good at it.  He really likes giving me the shots and he does a great job at it.  There has only been a time or 2 that it has even stung a little or anything.  He is a pro.  But more than that, he likes giving them to me because it helps him to feel a part of it.  We have always done everything possible to make him as much a part of it as possible.  I asked him if he wanted me to come to town tonight just so he could give me my last shot.  He said not to worry about it.  I think he just didn't want me having to go out so late.  It ended up not mattering anyways though because he ended up having a transport at work and wouldn't have been in town himself to do it.  It saddens me to know he is not home and not able to be a part of the very last shot ever.  I know that sounds horribly silly but in our situation, just the smallest things matter.  I have also been thinking alot lately about the story we have wrote for our child geared towards this journey and as I talk about it now, I tear up again.  It is so difficult to accept we may never get to read our child their bedtime story that mommy and daddy wrote just for him/her.  Again, I know that is silly but it is something I will have to grieve.  I could never have that child to read its very special story to.

In ending this, I just pray that God's will to be done no matter what that be.  I pray God, please be with us and guide us and give us comfort for all of the unknowns in our future but on the same hand, THANK YOU Lord for blessing us with the ability to try what we have and giving us one another to travel this path with.

I will update everyone after the IUI on Friday.  Our only concern with it is the numbers in the vial however at this point, I am not much worried about it because I realize whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen.  This is it.  No if's, and's or but's about it and there is nothing we can do to change it so might as well not worry about it.