As everyone knows, I tested and got a negative on Sunday. I wanted to come off of my Prometrium on Sunday night however per Trent's wishes, I continued taking it. In his mind, he had his hopes up that it was still too early to test even though we had already tested two days later than normal. On Monday, I called the fertility center and they said to come on off of it since I got a negative because it should have already showed positive by that point and they also said for me to call them with my next period and we would get me scheduled for my baseline ultrasound and blood work for our next IUI. I told them I was not too familiar with the Prometrium as this was my first time taking it however, I had read that for the most part, people start their period within 2-3 days after taking the last pill. They then confirmed that for me and said that chances are, I may had already started my period had I not been on the Prometrium. I also went ahead and asked them about the dosage on my Follistem injections wondering what they would do (possibly decreasing dosage) so the follicles could all grow at the same rate instead of having one dominating follicle like last month. They gave my chart to Dr. Hill and he reviewed it and they called me back. They said they really don't like starting people below 75iu and that dropping me down to 50iu would not prevent one follicle from dominating the rest therefore, they won't be dropping my dose down and I would take 75iu like I did last cycle.
Of course, I did not take the medicine Monday night and to much surprise, I woke up Tuesday morning and had started. I called the fertility center to let them know that was cycle day 1 so we scheduled my baseline ultrasound and blood work for today. This morning as I was getting ready it really hit me hard that I would only be walking back in to that place 3 or 4 more times ever. I sit and cried as I was getting ready thinking how I really never wanted to see that place again but I couldn't believe I wouldn't be going back there anymore. I could only imagine the day of our last IUI I will probably be crying like the biggest baby as we leave there as we will never step another foot in those doors unless we do get pregnant this time. I can only pray that Lisa (a nurse we have grown really close to) does our last IUI. I can honestly say I will miss her. She has been so wonderful to us and definitely has made this journey easier by her calm spirit when we are there. Trent was unable to go with me today due to working half the night last night. He is sick so came home early and went to bed. Anyways, we have always commented when we are there that we always wonder where the spouses is. It seems like alot of times the women are there alone. This was only the 3rd appointment Trent has ever missed with me out of all of the appointments we have ever had. He has always been right there by my side through it all. Wouldn't you know I walk in there today and count 8 couples there. Wouldn't you know I was the only person there sitting by myself without my spouse. As I sit there, there was a couple laughing and cutting up. Sadness and watery eyes overwhelmed me as I was already in a sad mood this morning. It also saddened me because me and Trent is normally the couple there laughing and cutting up with each other and making the best out of our situation. Come to find out, there was an IVF class today and 6 of the couples were there for that so I didn't have to sit in a room full of couples for long. I finally got called back, emptied my bladder and got ready for the ultrasound. The ultrasound tech comes in and ask how I am doing and I said ok while choking back tears. She said "just really hoping you wouldn't start your period." Of course that caused me to tear up more. As they were doing the ultrasound, I could hear her clicking on the key board and mouse like she was measuring something. I laid there with my eyes closed just praying that God would let everything go well with this ultrasound and me not have any cyst. The last thing we wanted was for this cycle to be cancelled as we are both just ready to get it all done and over with. As I lay there and pray, the ultrasound tech says "Everything looks good. We need to get you set up with a voice mailbox." Ah, instant happiness but on the same hand, instant watery eyes. As I choke back more tears, I get dressed and go out and wait in a small waiting area waiting on my blood to be drawn. As they call me back and start drawing my blood, I start tearing up again. I just couldn't fight the urge to cry while I was there today. Before I leave, I ask to speak with Lisa. They took me to her and I had a few questions for her that I was able to ask her. Unfortunately, when I was talking to her, I was unable to fight back those tears any longer. I just let them flow. One thing I had talked to her about was adoption. I had asked her if she knew any of the labor and delivery nurses at any of the hospitals so that she could spread our name for us and she said unfortunately she didn't but she gave me a little bit of adoption information that they had. They didn't have much but she gave us what she did have.
I called and checked my voicemail box at the fertility center and they said my Estridiol levels were 36. Again, I really don't know what these are supposed to be but I am pretty positive that that is normal for only Cycle day 2 plus if they were abnormal, they would have cancelled this cycle. I take my Follistim 75iu injections for 4 days starting tomorrow and taking them through Sunday. Monday morning, I have a follow up ultrasound and blood work. If I respond as quickly as I did last cycle, I assume IUI will be on Wednesday or Thursday of next week. We are praying that I don't have that 1 dominating follicle again this month and they can all grow at the same rate and hopefully I will have atleast 2 or 3 follicles this time.
I feel like we are doing ok since our negative on Sunday. I guess in a way it is just expected. I at this point I think I struggle more with the future and knowing everything we have been through and have nothing to show for it. I struggle knowing this is the last cycle ever. Trent seems to be struggling more this time then he ever has before. I feel like if he hears anything infertility related, he shuts down. All it takes is the word period and I can tell a total change in his emotion/attitude. When anything fertility related is mentioned, he shuts down and doesn't talk at all. I had said because of this we could put this cycle off if he wanted to even though I didn't want to and just wanted to get it done and over with and he says no that he also just wants to get it done and over with. I was honestly a little hesitant about telling him how today went because I didn't know how he would respond but he responded and accepted it all well. We discussed very little about adoption but at this point, I think word of mouth is the best thing for us. I am not ready to end this emotional journey and jump right back into another emotional journey. God has placed a child in our laps once before and my prayer for now is that if God wants us to be parents that he will yet again allow a child to be dropped into our laps. I think we will go this route for a while and if we are not blessed with a child in the near future, we will start the adoption process. I assume we will give this approx a year, maybe a little less, but who knows. We really don't want to wait too long though to start pursuing adoption as we know it could take a year or even a couple of years at that to be placed with a child. We just feel like we need somewhat of a break from all of the emotional roller coasters we have been on. I know we are asking for a lot but I just pray that God blesses us by dropping another adoption in our laps. I think we are ready for that journey however just not ready to 100% pursue the emotions of it yet.
We are anxious to get this cycle done and over with. We will update everyone after Monday and let everyone know what is going on from there. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we near the end of this part of our journey.
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