To The Child We Will Never Know

I know everyone has heard me talk about the bedtime story that we wrote to tell our child their story.  Our child was always going to know how very special he/she was in every single way.  He/she was going to know how it came about and just how loved he/she really was.

I was going to post the story once before but we really wanted to keep it to ourselves as it was our story to tell our child if we ever conceived.  We wanted to be the only ones to tell him/her their story.  Now that we will never conceive in such a special way, the story will never be told so I figured I would share it for all to hear.  This story was so very special to us as we just knew one day we would be reading this to our child with so much love and appreciation.

The story is edited in a couple of spots for privacy.

To the child with "mommy's nose and daddy's eyes" that we will never know. 

Once upon a time back in 2003, your mommy and daddy met in college at Motlow. We dated, fell in love and got married five and a half years later.

After we got married, a year later we wanted to have a baby and make a family. To do that, mommy needs eggs and daddy needs seeds.

We wanted a baby so badly and we tried so hard but our dream never came true, so we went to the doctor and found out that daddy’s seeds were not meeting mommy‘s eggs like they needed to.

(Donor) wanted to help mommy and daddy so he went to the doctor and gave the doctor some seeds for mommy and daddy to use. The doctor took (Donors) seeds and helped daddy put them in mommy by a procedure called artificial insemination to help create you.

We knew from the very beginning of this whole process that we were in love with a child that we had never met. That child, later became you.

After many prayers and by God’s grace, after (#) tries, mommy and daddy were so happy and blessed to finally be pregnant with their little miracle baby named (Babies name)

For 9 months, you grew in mommy’s tummy and during that time mommy and daddy’s anticipation and love for you just kept growing stronger and stronger.

Mommy and daddy can’t wait to watch you grow into such a strong (beautiful/handsome) little (boy/girl). You will be loved so much more because of the genuine love it required to bring you into this world.

Mommy and Daddy love you so very much.

After many prayers and 9 IUI's later, we are still left without you.  You are the sweet little bundle of joy that we had always hoped and prayed for.  We realize that maybe God has bigger and better plans for us but we will always grieve not having you and not being able to read you your very special bedtime story. 

After IUI #1

After IUI #2

After IUI #3

After IUI #4

After IUI #5.  Daddy had to work and couldn't make it but wanted you
so badly, he didn't want to cancel the cycle so Granny Vaughn came
along for support.

After IUI #6

After IUI #7

After IUI #8

After IUI #9

Mommy and daddy done everything within their power to make you possible.  I am comforted in knowing that God knew you were just too special to be in this world. 

After our last IUI failed, someone said it best to us.  They said "sorry for your loss".  That person will never know just how much those words meant to us.  Many don't see it as a loss because we were never pregnant however, we have experienced a loss month after month for 3 and a half years now.  When this last IUI failed, I feel like we experienced the greatest loss of all because at that point, we realized we have totally lost that child that we had always dreamed of conceiving.

I know this may sound like a horribly sad blog to post but everyone has heard me talk about grieving the story that would never be told and this is it.  I think this is part of my moving on process and being able to accept it.

I know God has a very special plan for us somewhere, somehow.  We just don't know when and how.  In the end, it will all work out and we will write a new story to tell our very special adopted child God willing.