BEWARE: VERY LONG STORY AHEAD!!!
In church today, Brother Mickey started the sermon talking about how hard this week has been. There has been a lot of hospital visits and it had just been a difficult week. He then went on to say no matter how bad our week has been or how difficult life can be sometimes, Do you have anything you can praise God for?
Well, as I apply the sermon to my life, I just want to sum up what our week has been like as far as difficulty wise and things we have to Praise God for. First, let me throw out a few names here for you and tell you who these people are so hopefully my story will make a little bit of sense. There are several names involved in which it gets very very confusing so I hope I don't loose everyone in this conversation.
Amber = as everyone knows, this is my sister
Angela = someone my sister used to work with and be really good friends with however, I don't really know her. Never met her just have heard Amber talk about her.
Racheal = someone else my sister used to work with and be really good friends with. She also worked with Angela at one point.
Denise = a woman who works with Angela which me nor my sister either one knows
So, here is the story. Tuesday early afternoon, I was at work doing a couple things and I got a call from my sister. She asked me if I had a minute and told me she needed to talk to me about something very important. Just by the sound of her voice, I could tell it was something very serious and I immediately started to tear up. I don't know how or why, but I almost immediately got a gut feeling it was something to do with a baby and that I would really really want to hear. She continued on to tell me that she got a call from Angela which says that there is a woman she works with (Denise) that got a call saying that there was a young girl about 21 years old that has a baby girl that was a couple months old and the girl was wanting to sign over rights to the child and give it up for adoption. The girl was just young and wanted to live her life. The girl had also previously had another child that she had given up for adoption. This made me feel good because I knew the girl had been through it previously therefore, if everything worked out, I knew the chances of her coming back on us and trying to get the baby would be less likely. Amber then said Denise had asked Angela for my phone number and that's when she called Amber so she could get it. Amber told her not until she had talked to me to make sure it was ok. I told Amber to go ahead and give them my number that I would be MORE than happy to talk to them. I immediately got off the phone and tried to call Trent because I was busting out the seams with possible excitement that all of our prayers could be answered. Well, Trent was working that day and wouldn't you know he was very busy and unable to talk to me for several hours. My mind was going nuts not being able to talk to him about it. Now, let me back track a little before I finish the story. I said it could be answered prayers. My prayers have honest to God been that God knows what his plans are for us and if it was not in his plans for us to have a child that he Please take the desire to be a mother away from me so that I don't live in torture the rest of my life grieving this child that we will never have. I also prayed that if it is in Gods plan for us to have a child that he either just allow us to get pregnant or he just drops another child in our laps as it happened before. (as we all know, the possible adoption in the past was just horrible timing as it was only about 2 weeks after finding out we absolutely couldn't reproduce. It was obviously just not meant to be or it would have all worked out)
Now, on with the story. It wasn't about 15 minutes after me and Amber got off the phone that Denise called me. She gave me what little information she knew about the girl and the baby and also told me how she got involved and knew about the baby. A relative to the baby's mother knew Denise for many years and knew that Denise was unable to have children herself therefore called Denise and told her the mother was wanting to give the child up for adoption and asked her if she would possibly want to adopt it. Denise is a little older and said that she was unable to do it at this point and time in life. Denise then turned around and asked Angela if she would want to adopt it. Well, Angela is already in the midst of adopting 2 kids right now therefore it just wasn't a good time for her either to adopt another baby. Angela then turned around and called Racheal. Racheal has always wanted a baby girl. Well, Racheal then said it just wasn't the right time and she couldn't adopt a baby right now either however, reminded her of "Amber's sister". Angela then remembered about our situation and told Denise about us which in turn ended up being how Denise called me. I know, I know, huge long drawn out situation. Denise had told me about the previous baby that is now 2 years old. The mother had placed it up for adoption and said the mother was basically forced to because at 6 months old, she had been starving the baby and with this one, she was just ready to sign over papers and give it up. She said it was a couple months old and she would call the mothers family member that night and get more information and find out more as far as the dad is concerned. Is he in the picture? Is he also willing to sign over rights? She told me that after she talked to the family, she would call me back either that night or the next day. Well, a couple hours went by and I still had not talked to Trent. Talk about going nuts!!! I could not believe we were being faced with another adoption falling in our laps and I just couldn't tell Trent about it. A few hours later, he called me back and I got to tell him about it. I think a sense of excitement also came over him and we were very anxious to hear back from Denise to get more information.
I want to back up in my story again to say that as I had previously mentioned, when the other adoption fell in our laps, it just was not the right timing. We did struggle though with if it wasn't the right thing to do then, why would God allow this baby just to fall in our laps. Once we turned down that adoption, we knew it was the right thing however said that if God allowed it to happen again, obviously, it was most likely just meant to be. Obviously, we would not just jump into it. We would pray about it and it would have to be right but if everything was right, it was going to happen. After I talked to Trent, we just couldn't believe it was happening again. We both felt that maybe God just has bigger and better plans for us than carrying a child ourselves.
Back to the story. But first I will warn you that this could possibly be offensive to some. It in no way, shape, form, or fashion will be meant to be offensive however, it just depends on your views on things. I will try my best to explain our feelings as true as possible and hopefully our views will be fully understood. Now, Just as I was getting off work, around 4:35, Denise called me. She said "Will it matter to ya'll if the child is possibly biracial?" I couldn't do anything but sit there quiet for a second not knowing exactly how to respond. She said "Are you still there?" I then stuttered and told her that I was really unsure of how to answer that question that it could quiet possibly make a difference in our decision however, we still wanted absolutely all the information we could possibly get. She said she didn't know yet for sure if it was biracial or not but it was defiantly a possibility. She also told me at that point that the child was not just a couple months old, it was 5 or 6 months old. She then re assured me that she would be calling back that night or Wednesday (the next day) to let us know all the information she got. Now, here is our take on a biracial child. We have REALLY mixed feelings on this. We fully believe every child deserves a wonderful loving home that will take care of him or her. They did not ask to be brought into this world therefore they should not have to suffer and be parentless/homeless because of something that they did not ask for. On the same hand, we know that society could make it VERY difficult on the child having 2 white parents. There are so many different things to factor into this situation. I think we had pretty much made the decision that if the child was biracial, that it would be a no go. We are totally up for the challenge of explaining the route we are taking of "Known donor" to our child, we are totally up for explaining adoption to our child however, we feel at this point that having a biracial child just might be a little more than we feel we can handle.
All night Tuesday and all day Wednesday, we were very anxious to hear back from Denise as she said she would be calling. Well, wouldn't you know that Wednesday passed and we never heard from her. We had said we didn't want to be harassing so didn't want to bother her but we were curious on some facts so we would call her at some point Thursday if we hadn't heard from her.
Now, let me also back up and throw something else in here that ties in with the story. A couple of months ago, me and Trent had talked about our name getting out there more to people and the possibility of another adoption falling into our laps. We had decided that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and see a lawyer when we can just to have him on standby and also see what our exact steps need to be. We had said it was nothing we would get in a rush for however, we needed to do it when possible. We kinda thought what was the likely hood of another falling in our laps but best to be prepared just in case. Well, of course, time got by us and we had not seen a lawyer yet. When I had talked to Trent about Denise calling and this new adoption falling in our laps, we both agreed, maybe we needed to go ahead and call the lawyer we are going to use and meet with him ASAP in case all of this worked out. We got an appointment for Thursday and met with him. Everything went well and we got lots of good information for if this does happen and also if it doesn't happen, what would need to be our steps when we do pursue adoption full force. After meeting with the lawyer, we decided to go ahead and call Denise. When I called her, she said that she had just got a call from the mothers family member and had to call her back but was getting ready to go to a meeting for work and would call them back afterwards and then would call us back when she got off the phone with them. When she called us back, she informed us that she would continue to keep us in mind if she hears of anything at all however, the mother has decided to keep the child herself for now. Denise said this is what she done with her last child that she still felt like the mother would eventually give the child up but for now, she is keeping it. We still don't know if the baby was biracial or not but obviously, this baby was just not in Gods plan for us.
Even though, we have had 2 adoptions to fall into our laps, 1 we turned down by choice and the other one not being by our choice, it really leads me to feel even stronger than ever that God's plan for us is much bigger than we could have ever imagined. I feel more and more, that God's plan for us is to extend our family by adoption. Only God knows his plans for us but I do have faith that God will continue to pull us through this nasty journey that we are on. Again I say as I have said many times before, this journey is not a chosen journey and no one wants to choose a journey like this. I will never regret this journey that we have been faced with as it was obviously Gods plan for us and it has only made us stronger. If that was even possible. This journey will also make us be better parents and appreciate parenthood much more than could ever be imagined.
I am honestly taken the adoption falling through much better than expected. I cried over turning down the first adoption but with this one, I am at peace. Trent is also doing well with it. He still somewhat wonders about the fact if it was biracial or not. If we had known that it was not biracial, I think it would be a little more difficult on Trent. He took this adoption much better than the first. With the first, it didn't feel right to him however, on this one, he has been at peace and very calm about it all. We were both very anxious for things to happen as we felt this all sounded very promising in the beginning however, again, it was just not God's plan for us. I do feel like we got the call for a reason but it was just not for that child to be ours. Only God knows what will happen and when we will be blessed with a child. After talking with the lawyer, even though this adoption has fell through, I do believe, we will be getting a home study done before long just to be prepared for IF another adoption falls in our laps and is the real thing or for when we are truly ready to start the adoption process full force. Until then, we should most likely be starting IUI's back towards the end of July or beginning of August. We will use the rest of the vials we have available which means we have 5 more tries of IUI. Until we are finished with all of our vials, we will wait for an adoption to fall into our laps or for us to become pregnant ourselves. I say which ever one happens first, is obviously God's wonderful plan for our family. If this does not happen, we will pursue adoption full force.
We look forward to the day that God blesses us with a child and we can finally become the parents that we have longed to be for so very very long.
Now, in saying all of this and telling how our week has been, even though it has been a difficult week and even though life has been horribly difficult over the past 3 years of trying to have a child, we have a TON to Praise God for. We serve a wonderful God Almighty which died for us to save us from our sins. If you are a follower of Christ, you will ALWAYS have something to Praise God for. That in itself is enough to praise the Lord for, however, we are blessed with good health, a WONDERFUL Marriage in which I could not ask for nothing more. We are blessed to be part of such an amazing Church and church family. We both have amazing, loving, supportive families that are always by our sides when we need them. We have a roof over our heads. We are blessed with more food than we need. Even though we don't have kids of our own, we are blessed with a sweet little handsome nephew Colton and a beautiful baby niece Kellen. The list could simply go on and on. Thank God for your blessings for we serve an Almighty God!
