IUI #8 with a Few Life Updates

WOW, It has been a while since I have blogged.  It seems like we have had a ton of stuff going on and I just haven't took the time to blog it all.  I have tried to keep most everyone updated by facebook so I am sure most of you have seen pretty much everything going on.  Trent got kidney stones again and ended up in the emergency room back in November with a complete obstruction due to the stone.  He then had to have two different Lithotripsy's on the one stone.  He had a follow up appointment with the doctor the other day and he said the stone in his left side (which is the one he had the two Lithotripsy's on) could no longer be seen therefore it is either busted up in so many little pieces it can't be seen or he has already passed all the stone pieces.  He does however, still have two stones on his right side.  Now we just sit around and wait on him to pass those.  He does have to follow up with the doctor again in 8 months if the stones hasn't passed before then so they can monitor them to see if they have gotten larger and if they need to do procedure on them.  That is honestly the only thing I can really think to mention other than all of our infertility stuff.

Now on to all of the infertility stuff we have had going on.  As everyone knows, we applied for the Baby Quest Foundation grant which we did not receive.  We were pretty bummed about not getting it as we felt like we were probably pretty good candidates with everything we had been through.  We would have loved to have tried IVF to better our chances but we had to accept it and move on.  Just a refresher on the past couple of months.  At the end of October we went to our Injection class at the fertility center so that with our next IUI we could do our first Follistem injection cycle.  When my cycle rolled around in November, I went in for my first day of monitoring with blood work and an ultrasound in which we found a large cyst on my ovary therefore we had to sit out that cycle to wait on the cyst to shrink.  They placed me on birth control to help the cyst to shrink quicker.  Me and Trent chose ourselves to sit out the beginning of December cycle to wait and see if we got accepted for the grant and in the meantime, the fertility center put me on another month of birth control to try and make sure the cyst was gone by the time we were ready to start back up with the next cycle.  That leads us up to where we are now. 

Just a refresher on how my shot cycle was SUPPOSED to work.  We would go the fertility center at the beginning of my cycle for blood work and an ultrasound and if everything looked good at that appointment, I would start Follistem shots on cycle day 3.  I would then return to the fertility center 4-5 days after starting shots for more blood work and another ultrasound.  From there, I would return to the fertility center every 2-3 days for blood work and ultrasound until it was time for the actual IUI.  The very least number of days I would take shots was 7 and I could take them up to as many as 11 and sometimes it is more than that. 

December 21st was my cycle day 1 so we went in for our first ultrasound.  They said I still had the cyst but it had shrunk from 44mm to only 13mm.  As long as my blood work came back ok, we would be able to continue with this cycle.  Before we left the fertility center, they set us up our voicemail box there at the fertility center and told us to call and check it around 3:30.  When I checked it, they said that my blood work looked good that my Estridiol levels were low at 66 which meant that the cyst was not producing Estrogen.  I am honestly not too sure what all the levels are supposed to be at.  I would normally research the crap out of everything but I guess I am just not that worried about it.  Due to blood work looking good, I would take 75 units of Follistem starting Sunday night the 23rd and take them every night through Thursday 27th.  Friday 28th go in for my monitoring with blood work and ultrasound.  This means by our 1st checkup, we would have only 5 shots.  We done just that.  Like I have said in the past, Trent has became a pro at watching the ultrasound and spotting the follicles and how big they are and all that good stuff.  Because of this, on the way to the fertility center Friday, I reminded Trent that the follicles would still be small that today was just to monitor how quickly I am responding and if they needed to increase or decrease my shot dosage or even keep it the same based on how well I am responding.  We were very anxious to see how many follicles were forming since the injections were supposed to give more follicles than pills.  We got there and as they were doing the ultrasound, they were checking the right side and calling out all kinds of numbers.  For a follicle to be mature they like to see it at at least 18mm.  We were tickled to death because I had 4 follicles on the right side alone.  13mm, 9.5mm, 10mm, and 10.5mm.  None of these were very big yet but that was expected as they aren't supposed to be.  I had only taken 5 shots and it was just too soon for them to be ready.  We just knew they would move to the left side and see a similar situation with several follicles forming.  WRONG!!!  As soon as they moved to the left side, Trent's mouth flew WIDE open in shock.  I knew something was up just not sure what it was.  Not long after that, the ultrasound tech said "Well, you have 1 mature follicle on the left side.  You may trigger for ovulation tonight and have IUI tomorrow".  The follicle was 22mm already.  What?  How in the heck was this possible?  The least number of days you are supposed to be on shots is 7 days and we have only taken 5.  Trent then asked her if it was common to respond that quickly and be ready for IUI that soon.  She responded with "Uhhh, NO!".  She was totally shocked that I responded so quickly.  Well, I guess I am just a total odd ball.  We were told to check our voicemail box there at the fertility center around 2:00 and we would know exactly what is next.  When we checked the voicemail box, they said that my Estridiol levels had increased to 458 and to take the Ovidrel trigger shot as soon as possible and be at the fertility center Saturday 29th at 10am for IUI at 11:30.  Me and Trent had already been talking and we didn't think there was any way that we would have IUI Saturday because they are only open half a day on Saturday and that would not give 24 hours between trigger shot and IUI so we were shocked and didn't know what to think about having it done so quick.  We done the trigger shot at 2:45 and the IUI was scheduled for 11:30 which only gave us about a 21 hour gap.  Everything with this cycle has just been totally unexpected.  I called the fertility center back to talk to a nurse and ask a couple of questions since we were just totally thrown for a loop.  The nurse and the doctors were also shocked at how quickly I responded.  If this just half way explains the quickness of this cycle, you normally aren't ready for ovulation until about cycle day 14 however, I was on cycle day 8 and ready for ovulation.  They said normally you do want 24 hours between trigger and IUI however in this case, we could not put it off until Monday because we would most likely miss ovulation all together and have to cancel this cycle.  My Estridiol levels jumped from 66 to 458 within exactly 1 week and they like to see the levels above 300 for ovulation so they didn't want to put it off.  Let me back up a little now.  Since Wednesday, I have had a headache that doesn't want to go away, nausea (no vomiting) and dizzy.  As of Thursday I had all of the previous mentioned along with feeling like my head is going to explode with snot and coughing.  I have just felt absolutely horrible lately.  I didn't know if the dizziness and nausea was from the injections or maybe a virus which my mom and dad has had along with Trent's mom.  After the ultrasound and seeing that I responded so much quicker than the norm, I just summed it up to side effects from the shots.  Well on Saturday they day we were supposed to go in for IUI, I woke up feeling absolutely horrible.  I also woke up with hives broke out all over my thighs, elbows, head and ears.  I was so tempted to call them and tell them we would be cancelling this cycle that I just did not feel good at all.  I had taken a shower, done my hair and makeup and laid back down.  I finally mustered up the energy to get up and put on my clothes so we could go.  We had decided though that we would double check with the nurse before they unthawed any vials to make sure she thought it would be ok to continue on with procedure in case I was sick to make sure it wouldn't affect anything.  After talking with her, she didn't think my sickness was from the shots and she thought I actually had a virus going on along with the head cold and hives.  I am just a total train wreck right now.  She did say though that if I went to a doctor that I needed to make sure they treated me as if I am pregnant right now just in case.  The difficult thing is with these darn hives.  It has been a while since I have gotten them but normally if I get them, they are gone within a couple of days but every time I get them, I fear that I will get them severely as I have once before when I had to take 3 rounds of steroids and had them for 3 months without them going away.  She did tell me to take Benedryl and try to treat them myself before trying to let a doctor resolve them but if they were not gone by Monday I probably did need to go ahead and go to a doctor.  They are not gone so it looks like I probably will be going to the doctor tomorrow to see what needs to be done.  Anyways, she said we was good to proceed with IUI so we waited on the vial to be unthawed.  When they call us back, the paper with our numbers is always on top of our chart and I NEVER give them a chance to tell me what the numbers are, I am always immediately looking down at the paper while they are checking our wrist bands.  When the nurse called us back, I immediately looked down and was in total shock.  I absolutely could not believe what was before my eyes.  Our highest total motile sperm count in the past was 16.1 million and that was with 2 vials.  We had 33.1 million total motile sperm count this time in ONE vial.  I just couldn't believe it.  The nurse said for a frozen vial, that was great numbers.  She was thrilled with what we had.  Trent told me not to put this in here but I am going to sneak it in here anyways.  By no means am I trying to be disrespectful to any country, religion, etc.  I am just putting a little humor in things.  Normally when they verify our information to thaw a vial, they have us to verify our donors birthday so that we all know it is the right vial they are unthawing.  This time, they just verified my information.  I told Trent in the waiting room that if we got back there and our numbers was ridiculously high, we knew it was not our donors vial.  There was a foreign couple there also having an IUI that day and they were actually using a fresh sample if you know what I mean and fresh samples have better numbers than frozen samples.  Well, once we got back there and saw our numbers, I told Trent that if our baby came out with a jewel on its forehead, we knew our vials did get mixed up.  Just a note: I did verify that they thawed the correct vial and our donors information was on our paperwork.  I just thought is was funny because we had joked around about high numbers in the waiting room and then we got called back to the shock of our lives with double the numbers that we have ever had before even using 2 vials.  We had so many people praying for us that day and more specifically praying for us right at 11:30 when IUI was supposed to be that I know the good Lord heard every single one of those prayers.  Now we pray that the biggest prayer of all is answered and we are blessed with that sweet little miracle baby in September of next year.  Anyways, once we got back there, we again as always asked them to give us a few extra minutes before coming in to do the IUI so we could pray first.  Trent prayed this time the sweetest prayer I have ever heard.  At then end he prayed that we would be blessed with that little boy or girl that we could devote our every waking minute to.  We absolutely can't wait to have a sweet little one to devote every single second of our day to.  All I can think of is how appreciative we will be over this child that we have so long yearned for.  We absolutely can not wait for all of our dreams to come true.  Once we got there and seen how WONDERFUL the day turned out for us, I was so more than thankful that I made myself get up and get ready to go because I was honestly so close to calling and cancelling this cycle.  The unfortunate part of this IUI is we normally have a 2 week wait but this time we have almost a 3 week wait.  If you take fertility shots, you have to take a progesterone supplement.  For my supplement, they are actually having me to take another Ovidrel trigger shot because it will trick my body into thinking it is progesterone.  The Ovidrel gives a false positive on a pregnancy test for 7 to 10 days.  I have to take the 2nd Ovidrel shot on Jan 3rd and they want you to wait 2 weeks after taking the shot before testing to make extra sure that the shot is totally out of your system.  This means that we will be testing on January 17th.  We normally do pretty good through the 1st week wait and then the 2nd week we start getting anxious.  We are going to die having to wait an extra 5 days this time but we KNOW that we can NOT test any sooner and risk a false positive.  It would absolutely kill us if we got a false positive and then found out we were not actually pregnant.  We need to be praying for much patience over the next couple of weeks.

There has been alot of unexpecteds in this cycle.  Just a few are:
1) Responding so quickly by cycle day 8 when we thought it would be atleast 4-5 more days before IUI
2) Having IUI without 24 hour gap of trigger shot
3) Awesome motile sperm count at 33.1 million
4) Having to wait almost 3 weeks to test

With all of these unexpecteds already, hopefully we will receive the greatest unexpected next month.  This sweet hopeful little one of ours sure has been a very long time coming.



Us after IUI #8

We were a little bummed that we only ended up with 1 follicle for this IUI even after the shots but if ovulation was timed right, we feel really good about this one.  I reckon that is all of an update I can give for now but hopefully on the 17th, we will have some GREAT news for all of our wonderful supporters that we have.  We can not say Thank you enough for all of those who have been praying for us.  I believe God is hearing everyone of those prayers and looking out for us.

When it Rains, It Pours!

Welp, just as I wonder what more could really happen to us something else happens.  Today I left the house to go Christmas shopping for Trent while he stayed at home to put up the Christmas stuff.  As I was checking out at my very first place, I got a call from Suntrust.  "Please call us immediately due to questionable transactions on your account".  Yep, that's right.  Someone stole my debit card number and was having fun in Canada.  Thank God for Suntrust.  This is the 2nd time this has happened to me and I have to give Suntrust credit.  They catch it quick and put a stop to it.  Luckily they only spent $115.  It could have been much worse.  It appears Bell Mobility is where the transaction was run and apparently that is a cell phone company in Canada.  I guess I just allowed them to keep their service for another month.

Everyone watch your checking accounts because it sounds like there has been several fraudulent cases lately.

New Infertility Update

On top of all the normal life hecticness that you will see in the blog below this one, we have had a little bit of infertility craziness happen lately also.

First of all, this doesn't have anything to do with us but in the infertility support group, I met a lady who went through several rounds of IUI and has situations very similar to mine and Trent's.  Unfortunately, she was never able to become pregnant and they have now moved to adoption and are now in the process of all of their paperwork and home study information to get the ball rolling on adoption.  She is doing an online auction called "Fund Our Family" on Monday so I made some stuff and donated to her for her auction.  The things I made for her may not bring much but any little thing helps and I am sure will help add up.  I had made her 2 of my bandanna dresses and bows to match and then just 3 separate bows.  I had also made her 2 of my rice bags to put in the microwave and put on sore aches and pains.  She is also like me and blogs and that is how she is doing her online auction.  She has 2 different blogs but the blog she will be doing the auction on is http://www.chrisandsusanadopt.blogspot.com/  I would like to encourage my friends and family to check out her blog and her auction on Monday.  I don't know what all she has had donated to her but I hope and pray that they are able to do well with their auction and help "Fund their Family".  To get my items to her that I had made her, me and Trent met her in Cool Springs at Starbucks and just hung out and talked with her for a while.  I think it is so nice that I was able to meet people through the support group that I actually feel comfortable meeting and hanging out with for a while.  Her husband wasn't able to come with her but Trent really enjoyed getting to meet her.  I have talked alot about the support group to Trent and it gave him a slight insight into how great the support group is just by meeting this one lady from the group.  I am so happy and proud to say I will go back every chance I get.  The group only meets once a month but I hope to be able to go each time. 

As far as the updates with us.  As everyone knows, we submitted our application to Baby Quest Foundation to try and get help funding IVF (In Vitro).  The deadline was on Thursday November 15th and I overnighted our application to them on November 9th and it was received at the post office on the 10th.  I checked our tracking number daily and it never showed that our packet had been picked up.  On Tuesday, Baby Quest Foundation posted something on Facebook and I had commented on it and asked if my application had been received as my tracking number was saying it hasn't.  They responded back and said that it had been received.  We didn't know what the confusion was with the tracking number but was so happy to know our application was received.  On Friday, the day after the deadline, we received a notice by email from the post office that our package had still not been picked up.  I then turned around and called the post office that it was sent to and they reassured me my package was still there.  I then turned around and emailed Baby Quest Foundation that got back with me VERY quickly.  Like, to the best of my remembrance, it was within about 15 minutes.  They thoroughly apologized for the confusion.  Someone else submitted an application by the last name as Vaughn which for some reason is what my email shows even though I have changed it so they accidentally told me mine was received when it wasn't.  She also said that they have been to the post office several time in that week and even on the day of the deadline and didn't know why the post office hadn't given them our package.  They then proceeded to tell me that they would like for us to still be candidates for the grant and they asked if I could just email them our application as that would be the only way to still be considered.  Needless to say, I emailed them our application that night and she emailed me back saying she did receive everything.  I was very impressed with them and their quickness and kindness in responding to us to try and resolve all of the confusion.  I feel like I may be going out on a limb here and I am doing something I usually don't do but for those of you who like to donate to charities, foundations, etc.  I would like to encourage you to consider this foundation.  As you all will remember a couple of months ago I had talked about wanting to do something myself to help those in need with infertility and I feel like this foundation is a great way to give back to the infertile community.  This foundation was founded by a lady who struggled getting pregnant and her mother and I think it is wonderful what they are trying to do to help others in such difficult situations.  Even if we do not win this grant, I can't say enough good things about them as they were so friendly and wonderful when it came to all of the confusion of our application and getting things worked out.

On another note of the infertility, when I was put on the birth control originally to shrink the cyst to start our cycle of injections, we knew nothing about the Baby Quest Foundation grant.  The nurse practitioner said on the birth control, that would also allow us to come in sooner because it would make me start quicker than my normal cycle.  Holy cow!  I didn't think I would start that much sooner.  Today is only cycle day 23 and I think I am starting.  I normally don't start until about cycle day 30-33.  We had already knew we would have to sit this month out to wait and see if we received the grant or not but in the back of my mind, I was hoping my period and the grant would all happen right around the same time so that everything could just fall right into place.  We should know something I am guessing around the next week or 2 so we are anxious to find something out and get started back whether that be with In Vitro with the grant or finishing up with IUI most likely in just 1 more try.  I am now wondering though if I need to go on in to the doctor to see if the cyst is gone or if I need to go on another round of birth control to shrink it more or if I just need to ride it out on its own since we don't know anything about the grant yet and we are sitting this month out anyways.  I guess we will be calling the doctor on Monday to see what they recommend us to do as far as monitoring this cyst this cycle even though we are sitting out this month.

As far as I know, that is all that is really going on with us and the infertility world.  We are anxious to get everything started back up and see what will happen with these last 2 vials we have.

Wow! Life has been Crazy!

This post will be a little long as I will just go ahead and update on everything that has took place over the last almost 2 weeks instead of breaking it all down into separate blogs.  Or maybe I will break it into 2 blogs.  Life and Infertility.

 

It all started last Monday when me and O'Mali wrecked.  O'Mali is my cars name since she is a Malibu.  Monday on my way to work, it was rainy and nasty out.  I got no more than 10 miles down the road going to work and hit a slick spot in the road.  Once I hit that slick spot, I hit loose gravel and then spun out of control.  O'Mali went flying through the median, almost went into on coming traffic and thank no one but the good Lord above for watching out for me, just in time threw me back to the middle of the median to my stopping point.  I am one blessed girl that the accident was not MUCH worse than what it was.  When I saw the damage on my car I absolutely couldn't believe it was not tore all to pieces.  The biggest thing that happened was the bumper on the driver side popped off and my wheels got scuffed all to heck.  For safety ratings, I give O'Mali a 10.  Trent kept saying she was built like a tank and I sure do believe it because it is just unbelievable that she doesn't have more damage than what she does.

 

We couldn't believe it when we saw that the piece that popped off was not
cracked or busted.

As you can see in this picture, it popped the back bumper off all the way
around to the trunk.

Trent was able to pop the bumper back on himself.  Now, you can't really
even tell she was wrecked.

The back side by the trunk.  It all popped right back on no problem

Oh but here is the part where you can REALLY tell
the damage.  I destroyed 2 of my poor wheels.

We went and got an estimate on the car and at the time, the body shop had another car on the lift so he was unable to lift the car up and really look underneath but he got on the ground and looked under it that way.  Our estimate was only $1,730 and the crazy part is the wheels alone is $944.  Again, I am in complete shock that it is not destroyed much worse than what it is after the joy ride that I went on.  The driver side is the only side that had any damage.  Basically all that happened other than the wheels being scuffed all to heck was on the front, it broke off my splash guard and made a couple of retainer clips pop off and then on the back side, again, I think all of the retainer clips was missing.  I cracked the bracket under the bumper which has to be replaced and also ripped a hole where a bolt was screwed into so now that has to be fixed.  Other than that, that is all I can really remember being wrong.  After we left getting the estimate, we took it to get her oil changed and while they had the car jacked up, they looked under it to see if they saw anything damaged and they said that under neath looked good other than having big clumps of mud and grass underneath.  While they were looking underneath though, they said the inside/outside of the tires tread was wearing and they didn't really know why.  This lead us to wonder if that may not have been what caused me to wreck.  When Trent got to me, he looked at my tracks and said I went on a little joy ride and if the ground had been dry, I would have most likely flipped.  I thought I was going to flip anyways.  He also said by looking at the tracks that he could tell I wasn't speeding like I will self admit I am good at.  I have always been paranoid in the rain driving though so I am always more cautious in the rain.  I was so mad because I couldn't believe my Kia was such a piece of crap and I never wrecked her but poor O'Mali is only 4 months old to us and has already been wrecked.  I do have to say though that this was not the first time that I had noticed O'Mali not handling well in the rain.  That is the absolute only thing I have ever noticed that I liked better about my Kia and that is I felt like she handled great in bad weather.  Anyways, another way you can tell something is wrong with her is the bumper appears to be VERY SLIGHTLY shifted and you wouldn't even know that if you didn't know I wrecked.  I think that will be a pretty easy fix as we have been told that if the bumper is taken off and put back on that it will just pop it right back into place where it goes and it won't be shifted anymore.  After I gave her a bath, unfortunately we did find 2 scuffs on her driver side and on the driver side door, there is some paint chipped away in a couple of spots so the estimate may be more now that we have found that.  Today, we got our new wheels put on and had her aligned and we have an appointment on the 26th to get poor O'Mali fixed until then, she is still perfectly drivable and you would never know she has been wrecked.  I am blessed.  The good Lord was watching over me.  That is all I can say about that.

I swear, if we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any at all.  The same week as my wreck, on Friday Trent told me that he thought he was getting another kidney stone.  He said he hadn't been hurting any however on Wednesday and Thursday, he had blood in his urine.  On Friday we were supposed to go to Manchester for family pictures so once I got home from work, we jumped in the car and headed to Manchester as we had planned.  Low and behold, we didn't get 15-20 minutes down the road and here came the pain.  Trent was about to die in pain.  He kept moaning and groaning and moving all around in the passenger seat.  He was absolutely miserable.  He hurt on a pain scale from 1 - 10 at constant 10 from about 5:30pm to 10pm.  We were supposed to keep Kellen that night and Amber did actually leave her with me however around 9:15pm, I took her home because I didn't know if we were going to end up taking Trent to the emergency room or not.  Finally, as I said around 10pm, it did ease up and we went to bed.  He slept great from about 11pm to 3am but then around 3am, the pain was back full force.  He didn't want to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night however from 3am to 6am, he was in constant pain of 10 again.  We finally went to the emergency room and got there around 6:40am Saturday morning and finally at about 8:30am, he got some Toradol pain medicine through IV and it finally started easing up.  So again he was in constant pain of a 10 severity from about 3am - 8:30am.  After the CT Scan results, they came in and said that he had a complete obstruction and they would most likely be admitting him into the hospital.  They ended up letting him go home but said that since we were out of town, if he did not pass the stone by Monday, he needed to call his doctor ASAP on Monday morning and get in for a Lithotripsy to bust the stone up.  Before we left the ER, they doped him up on Morphine and knocked him out.  Bless his heart.  Poor thing.  I don't know how he done it in the pain he was in and being so doped up but he toughed it out and went to family pictures later that day.  He struggled keeping his eyes open but you can't tell in the pictures.  We took our pictures first and then he went and laid in the car while everyone else finished pictures.  Below are a couple of the pictures that were taken.

 

Me and Trent with Kellen and Colton

The Vaughn Family Photo

Sweet Beautiful blue eyes.

I just love her little Christmas picture and her little Miss Santa outfit
me and Trent got for her.

Little Mischievous looking thing in this picture.  I just
can't believe how much Kellen looks like him.

Me and Trent drove home Saturday night after pictures and Thank God for Tullahoma emergency room is all I can say.  No doctor has EVER given Trent any pain medication that has taken care of Kidney stones however, the Tullahoma emergency room sent him home with 2 different prescriptions that both done the job.  Unfortunately though, he had to keep one of the two of them in his system 24/7 because if they wore out the slightest little bit, he would be in pain.  Monday morning rolled around and he had still not passed the kidney stone and continued to suffer if he didn't have meds in his system so I called his doctor to try to get him in.  Let me back up and give a quick story because I don't know if I did in the past or not and it has been a LONG time ago if I did.  Trent's original Urologist is Dr. Khim.  We LOVE Dr. Khim as he had seen Trent for several kidney stones and done surgeries on him in the past for kidney stones and then he also diagnosed our infertility.  Well, last time we needed Dr. Khim for kidney stones, he couldn't get Trent in for 3 weeks.  We thought this was ridiculous so we turned around and called Dr. Marshall, Trent's dads urologist to try and get in with him.  He got Trent in the very next day so we then unfortunately switched doctors.  Again, we loved Dr. Khim because he had done so much for us in the past.  Well, Monday when I called to get Trent in, I called Dr. Marshall's office which said they couldn't get him in for 3 weeks.  I told them it was an emergency and he had to get in QUICK.  They then referred me to a nurse which still was no help at all and said that Dr. Marshall was referring his own pt's to a Dr. Krops and we needed to call him.  I took Dr. Krops phone number but thought before calling him, we would try Dr. Khim's office again.  Well, I called Dr. Khim's office and explained to them that Trent was a patient of Dr. Khim's and it was very urgent that he gets in ASAP.  The lady then informed me that they didn't have any openings and that Dr. Khim had not seen Trent in 2 years so he would probably be better off returning to the emergency room.  Well, of course, that was the wrong thing to say to me.  When Trent is sick or in pain, I turn all kinds of crazy wife because I HATE seeing him so miserable.  I then replied to her "Yes ma'm.  But the reason he hasn't seen him in 2 years is because last time we needed you, you couldn't get him in for 3 weeks and we had to go to another doctor."  I think she realized at that point that I was serious and he needed to be seen ASAP.  I have always heard that Dr. Khim would work patients in if he knew about them but his front desk staff just turns people away without talking to him.  I put this fault totally on the staff and not Dr. Khim because again, we LOVE him.  After she heard my reply, I am sure she could tell my frustrations from last time this happened and she put me on hold.  I am sure at this point she actually went and talked to Dr. Khim because she came back to the phone and said "If he can come in, we can work him in between our other patients.  He may have to sit here all day but we will get him in when we can."  I said "Ok, that's fine if he sits there all day as long as you are telling me he WILL be seen at some point today."  She then proceeded to say he would definitely be seen.  I was at work so I called Trent's dad to have him to drive Trent to Dr. Khim's office because he had just taken a pain pill 3 hours prior and I would meet him at the office.  Once Trent got there and signed a release for them to get records from Tullahoma emergency room, I guess they seen how emergent the situation was and they got him back right away.  We saw Dr. Khim at about 10:30am and went straight over to the hospital for pre op and he had surgery (Lithotripsy) done at about 1:30pm.  After the surgery, Dr. Khim said he hit the stone pretty hard and he felt like it probably busted up good but he did need to return next week for a follow up and x-ray to see if it did take care of the stone.  He also told me that he was on call over the weekend to call him if we had any problems what so ever.  I told him Thank You for working Trent in so quick and by his response, it kind of reassured me how urgent the situation was and how bad it HAD to be done right away.  He had said no problem and basically he was glad Trent came in because it HAD to be done.  Trent has never bruised so bad with a Lithotripsy before so they must have hit him really hard with the shockwaves.

The bruises on Trent's back from the
Lithotripsy.

Usually after the Lithotripsy, Trent is a little sore and achy but usually not in pain.  On the way home from the surgery, he was joking around and being almost his normal silly self.  I was so more than happy to finally see him smiling and happy again.  That was so short lived though.  Monday he was sore as usual but not in bad pain or anything but when Tuesday rolled around, the pain started back.  Wednesday he was in pain.  He was in so much pain and so nauseated this night that we almost called Dr. Khim at about 8-9 that night.  Thursday, he was in pain.  Finally, today he woke up and felt good.  Today he is very much so his joking and cutting up normal self.  I am so very happy to see him happy and feeling good again.  It has been a week since I have seen him this close to his normal self.  I only hope it continues and he doesn't have a set back again.  He said today he still doesn't feel 100% but he feels about 70-75% normal.  This kidney stone is so much different than any before.  I only imagine it is because they said he had a complete obstruction because we have never been told this before.  This stone has kicked his butt. 

I guess after all of this, this is pretty much all of the normal life update I had to give.  I will update everyone with our infertility stuff in the next blog.  I hope everyone is doing well and had a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Baby Quest Foundation Application

Well, yesterday, I got our Baby Quest Foundation grant application sent off in the mail.  I overnighted that sucker at $31.00 just to make sure it arrived there in plenty of time for the November 15th deadline.  According to the tracking on our envelope, a notice was left because there was no authorized recipient available.  That tells me that it atleast made it there, now they just need to pick it up from their Po Box and sign for it.  I guess we will know in about 3 weeks now whether we got it or not.  Due to not knowing if we win or not before our next cycle, we will most likely chose to sit out another cycle so we don't use up the last vials we have before knowing if In Vitro is a possibility for us or not. 

Anyways, I figured I would share with everyone our infertility story letter that we wrote for the grant.  It is edited for privacy.

Trent and I have been together for almost 10 years now.  We started dating on January 20^th, 2003; we got engaged January 20^th, 2007, and we got married May 3^rd, 2008.  During our whole relationship before getting married, we always knew we wanted children.  We have always said we wanted two and no more than three, and we also knew we would want to start trying to get pregnant about a year after getting married.  We did exactly what we had planned and in May 2009, we started trying to get pregnant.  Month after month went by with no pregnancy.  After several months of trying, we began getting discouraged and never understood why we couldn’t get pregnant.  In June 2010 we consulted with my gynecologist to see what needed to be done to see why we were not yet pregnant within a year of trying.  At that point, he then scheduled a post coital test for July.  We did the post coital test and everything was basically normal.  He did inform us that he didn’t see any sperm however the post coital test was not a good test to test for sperm.  After that appointment, he then scheduled me for a HSG in August and told Trent in the meantime, he needed to be seen by another doctor to see if there was anything on his end preventing us from becoming pregnant.  It just so happened that both mine and Trent’s test fell on the same day.  Trent’s appointment came first and as the doctor was doing his physical exam on him, we could tell that the doctor wasn’t finding what he was looking for.  At that point, Trent and I immediately got concerned.  They then asked Trent to do a semen analysis. After they did the test on the semen analysis, that is the point in which our whole lives would forever be changed.  The results showed zero sperm.  We wondered how in the world could there be not even one sperm?  The doctor then told us that he believed Trent had a congenital absence of the vas and he wanted to do another test on him a couple weeks later that would be more in depth to test for fructose and also at that time would test to see if the sperm was possibly going back into the bladder.　 A couple of weeks later, we got the same results.  Zero sperm, low volume, and no fructose in the sperm sample.  There was also no sperm in the urine which told us that the sperm was not going backwards into the bladder.  This confirmed the congenital absence of the vas diagnosis.  Backing up a couple of weeks to my HSG, everything looked great with it and the doctor said there should be nothing preventing me from getting pregnant.  This was wonderful news to hear since we had just received the bad news on Trent but we at that point didn’t know that it would matter since we wouldn’t be able to get pregnant on our own.  Due to Trent’s congenital absence of the vas, we were referred to Nashville Fertility Center to see Dr. George Hill.  In September 2010, we had our first visit with Dr. Hill and at that point, we were given the option of basically being alone the rest of our lives, sperm donor, IVF or adoption.　

Once given our options, we were really struggling with what decision to make.  We have a wonderful marriage but we have never imagined our future without a child.  To my surprise, when the doctor mentioned sperm donor, Trent wanted more information.  He thought this was a good idea.  We knew we could not afford IVF because if it failed, we didn’t feel like there was any way we would be able to afford adoption.  We knew we wanted a child some way, some how.  We took information home on sperm donor and looked into it slightly.  About 2 weeks after our first visit with the fertility doctor, an adoption fell into our laps.  This was the most difficult decisions we have had to make to date.  Everything with our infertility was still so fresh, we were still grieving.  How could we make the decision about adoption?  After many prayers and conversations, we decided that at that time we were not ready to give up the thought of us carrying our child.  It wasn’t much after that that (edit) someone called us and said someone had told him about our situation and he told us that he wanted to help us and be our sperm donor.  We took a couple of months to pray about our options and finally in December of 2010, we had decided that we would pursue using (edit) donor as a known sperm donor.  In December, (edit) donor was tested to make sure that everything looked good on his end. In January 2011, we got (edit) donors results back and found out that we were good to go and we could now start all of the process of making this happen.  To be able to use known donor, we all three had to go to counseling and also have legalized lawyer papers drawn up, signed and notarized.　 In January, Trent and I saw our counselor and in March, (edit) donor saw his counselor.   Also in March, (edit) donor started collecting his specimens to freeze.  Finally in August, we saw the lawyer and got all of the legal paperwork done.  Now all we had to do was wait on my next cycle to roll around and we would be able to start what we hoped and prayed would finally give us that sweet little blessing from above that we had prayed so long about.  September’s cycle had finally rolled around and at this point, we had been trying to get pregnant for two years and four months.  At the end of September 2011, we had our first IUI which failed.  From then on through January 2012, we had an IUI every month.  Once we saw that we were running low on vials, (edit) donor collected more vials for us in hopes that we would eventually become pregnant.  After our failed cycle in January, we had been through 5 failed IUI’s and was at a stopping point.  We didn’t have any more available vials because the vials he collected around were in quarantine for 3 months.　

During the break that we were forced into because we did not have any ready vials, I took the opportunity to go to the doctor to see about some discomfort that I had been having in my right ovary area.  Back when we first started all of this infertility stuff, everything had checked out fine with me.　 Neither my regular gynecologist nor the fertility specialist thought I had endometriosis or anything like that however, Dr. Hill had said that the only thing left to do with me was to do a laparoscopy to make sure everything looked fine.  I had turned that down due to not having any symptoms of endometriosis and didn’t want to waste the money on something no one felt like I had.  Fast forward to the 3^rd failed IUI, Dr. Hill said that at that point it may be beneficial to do the laparoscopy just to make sure nothing more was going on however, he still really didn’t feel like I had anything going on.  I turned down the laparoscopy yet again.  Fast forward even more, once I had started complaining of the right ovary area discomfort, Dr. Hill then said he really thought the laparoscopy needed to be done and I finally agreed because I was tired of the discomfort I had been having off and on for about a year.  In July 2012, I was scheduled for a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy.  While in surgery, Dr. Hill also done a D&C which was unexpected.  After the surgery, we then found out that I did have three very mild spots of endometriosis, a fibroid and several polyps.  All of this was removed during the surgery and I was told that everything else now looked great in my pelvic area.　 My fallopian tubes were open and not blocked and my ovaries looked great.   Due to all of the things being removed during surgery being factors of infertility, Dr. Hill really thought our chances on getting pregnant were increased and he recommended starting back with the IUI’s as soon as possible.  In September 2012, we did IUI #6 and in October 2012, we did IUI #7.　

We have now been trying to get pregnant for three and a half years, and we have been through seven failed IUI’s, and to date have spent $15,300.  Through the seven failed IUI’s, I have taken three rounds of Clomid 50mg, one round of Clomid 100mg and three rounds of Femara 5mg. At this point, Dr. Hill is really trying to push us towards IVF however, we know we can’t afford this due to the amount we have already spent and knowing we wouldn’t be able to adopt in the future if we spent the money that it would cost for IVF. Up to this point, we have never asked anyone for help but we are now to a point that we honestly don’t know if we will ever be parents because we don’t know how much more we can really afford.  We never in a million years thought that it would have taken us this long to get pregnant therefore, we never thought it would have been this expensive.  We started with 11 vials and are now down to 2 vials.  Due to having only two vials left, this means that we only have one or two more IUI tries left.  As we get close to the end of our vials, we wonder more and more if we will ever be parents.  It absolutely terrifies us that we may never have a child.  Since we have already spent so much money on everything we have been through, we truly question if we will even be able to afford adoption.  I am very vocal and passionate about our story with infertility and due to this, we have a blog that we keep everyone informed through at www.haddocks050308.blogspot.com.  One of my neighbors is very faithful with keeping up with our blog and had called us the other night to inform us that she had ran across a nonprofit organization called Baby Quest Foundation.  When she told us about you, we immediately looked up your foundation.  As we have prayed and prayed and cried out to God, we realized that it was definitely worth the try to turn in an application and see what happens knowing that financially, we couldn’t take much more on our own.

Through our almost 10 year relationship, we have faced many trials and as we dated, we had a long distance relationship for four years.  Through that long distance relationship, we have said that we feel like God was trying to prepare us for the greatest trial of our lives which is infertility.  We had always said if we could make things work through the long distance relationship, we could make it through anything.  Infertility is absolutely 110% the most difficult thing we have ever faced in life.　 We never knew something could hurt so excruciatingly.  We never in a million years thought we would have to struggle through infertility.  That is something we never even thought about as we never knew either one of us had a problem, and now, we, as a couple, suffer with male and female factor infertility.  Even though mine is now gone, it is something that has forever changed who we are.  As we realize the potential to never be parents, it crushes us into millions of pieces.  We will try with everything within us to adopt if we are never able to become pregnant however, I would love nothing more in this world than to be able to allow Trent to experience everything there is about pregnancy.  We chose to use known donor sperm in the beginning instead of adoption because Trent has such a strong desire to be able to be a part of absolutely everything with pregnancy.  Every doctors appointment, every ultrasound, the first heartbeat, birth and delivery; everything.  Up to date, he has only missed 2 of our doctors appointments dealing with infertility.  He is very committed to our journey.  Back in April 2012, I had the amazing privilege of being able to witness my beautiful niece being born into this world and at that moment, it broke my heart into a million pieces.  I realized there are absolutely no words to ever explain what it’s like to watch such a blessing from God being born into this world, and I absolutely could not imagine what it would be like to witness your own child being born into this world.  I want nothing more than to make all of Trent’s dreams come true.  It absolutely amazes me to see him with children and babies.  He lights up anytime a child is around and it seems to be a mutual thing as all kids seem to adore him.  He is a police officer and he loves doing things geared towards children.  Just a couple of examples include him keeping stuffed animals in his patrol car trunk and handing them out to children, and riding around in his patrol car at Halloween handing out candy.  There is one picture we have that speaks a million words to me.  You can’t really tell unless the picture is zoomed in but when he first met our niece, he sat and cried as he held her.  All I could do was hold him as I knew how bad he hurt.  We can not wait until the day that we find out that we are going to be parents.  I have always been told my whole life I would make a great mother, and I have always wanted children, but at this point, I want it for my husband more than anything because I have never witnessed a man admire children as much as I see my husband’s love and desire for them.

In ending this, I apologize because I don’t know how long and detailed you want this to be.  Again, I am very vocal and passionate about infertility and our experiences.  If we got chosen for this grant, words would never be able to express the gratitude that we have for you.  We are honest to God blessed with the picture perfect marriage and feel we have so much love that we could share with a child, and we just question how and why God could not allow us to be parents.  Baby Quest Foundation, other than our unborn child could possibly be the greatest blessing of our marriage.　　 Even if we are not chosen, we would like to Thank You for reaching out and helping others who struggle daily with infertility as any of us who have struggled know the pain and heartache that comes along with infertility which is somewhat factored by finances when some can’t afford to push on any further.  We want to Thank You from the bottom of our hearts for allowing us to submit to you our application and letter for review.

They also said that pictures were optional so we of course have plenty of pictures so we sent several in.

This is just a picture we really like

This is the picture mentioned in the letter.

Trent holding Kellen at only 9 days old

Another picture that we just like of the 2 of us

After IUI #1

Waiting in the waiting room to be called back for IUI #6

A picture I created from one of our favorite wedding pictures

One of our Engagement pictures

Us with Kellen when she was just a month old

I just wanted to share our letter for the grant with everyone as I know most everyone already knows our whole infertility story but I also know I have a few new followers that I thought I could share our story with. 

Infertile Christmas #4

My blog is titled Infertile Christmas #4 as this is our 4th Christmas trying without a child and I will be talking about some Christmas related things in this blog.  I found it funny because the other night in the Infertility Support Group, the leader of the group was talking about something from a previous Christmas and then she said "It was one of those infertile Christmas's.  You know, that's how we look at them."  I couldn't help but to laugh because she was exactly right.  When you are infertile, every Christmas that passes by is yet another infertile Christmas. 

Yesterday I had to go to Hobby Lobby for something.  While I was there, I was looking to see if they had any new Police Ornaments that we don't have.  While looking, I saw an ornament that said #1 Dad.  Tears immediately begin to fill my eyes.  It just made me horribly sad to think of how wonderful of a dad Trent would make and we can't have kids.  It makes me wonder if I will ever get over the sadness when I see things like this.  Of course if we ever get blessed with a child, the sadness of these things will go away but if we never have a child, will I always be saddened by something that says, dad, #1 dad, mom, family, grandparents, etc?  It is still so hard for me to understand why we are having to go through this trial in life.  I know we all have our trials and ask why but for the life of me, I will never understand why we have been cursed with infertility. 

Two weeks ago, I had to take my wedding ring set to have it re sized because as I continue to get fatter and fatter, my ring continues to smaller and smaller.  I had already gained weight before all of this fertility mess but if I am remembering my weight correctly a year ago when we started all of this fertility med stuff, I was pretty stable at one weight and have gained approx 15 lbs over just the past year.  And not to mention I hear injections make you gain weight worse than the pills.  Come on, just make me pregnant and you won't hear me complain not the first time about being fat.  Anyways, sorry, got off on a tangent there.  I got the call yesterday that my ring was ready to be picked up so today I went to get it.  My ring came from Zales which is in the mall at Cool Springs.  This morning I begged Trent to take off work today so he could spend the day with me.  I really miss him since he has went to nights but oh well that's life I guess.  I also wanted him to be able to go with me to get my ring and thought we could do a little Christmas shopping while we were there.  Nope no such luck.  Couldn't talk him into it.  Well, wouldn't you know as soon as I walk into the mall, I see a cute little double stroller with twins.  Ugh, so not fair.  Twins is exactly what we want and pray for.  Yeah, I must add that the mall is absolutely not the place for an infertile to be.  Especially if you are alone.  Not long after I saw the twins, I saw a HUGE pregnant lady waddling into Motherhood Maternity.  Ugh, so not fair.  Why can't I be waddling up in there.  I decided to go ahead and wonder around for a little bit and get a little bit of Christmas shopping done and as I wondered around the mall all lonely, I see 2 different men alone with their babies and it just made sadness consume me as I know that would be Trent.  He would absolutely be that dad taking care of the kids while the mom is off shopping and doing whatever.  Then I saw a ton of families with their children.  I laughed as I said I was doing some retail therapy.  It was nice.  I was doing retail therapy and not even spending money on myself.  I bought one thing for myself and that was a Faith, Love and Hope charm from Pandora.  When I dropped my ring off two weeks ago, I bought me a Pandora bracelet to fill up.  I already know all the charms I want on it.  I created the full thing online and I can't wait to get it filled up.  So far, all I have is a softball and the Faith Love and Hope charms. 

Here is the Pandora Bracelet I have created online of all the charms I want.  I didn't want all the colorful charms and such.  I just want all charms that say something about me.  The picture isn't the best quality because I took a picture of the computer screen from my phone but you will get the point of it.

 

From left to right:

Plain Clip (holds the charms on that end)

Camera (I love to take pictures)

Airplane (Me and Trent love to travel)

Cruise ship (We LOVE to cruise)

Clip (holds the charms in place)

H (Obviously for Haddock)

Journey (Obviously to stand for our Infertility Journey and hope for a child)

My Birthstone

Trent's birthstone

Everlasting Love (me and Trent have everlasting love)

Softball (How me and Trent met and we love to go to Baseball games)

Clip (holds charms in place)

Inner strength (I have to remind myself to keep inner strength to pull through this journey)

Faith, Love, and Hope (another reminder of our journey and the faith we have to pull through it)

Heart with a Diamond in it (Kellen's birthstone is Diamond so I want this because she is Nay Nay's little girl)

Clip (holds the charms on that end)

 

Anyways, I just felt the need to blog about my Infertile Christmas sadness as it seems everywhere I go, it surrounds me. 



Quick Infertility Update

I am going to make this quick as it is late and past my bedtime.  Tonight I went to my first infertility support group and I don't regret it at all.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty shy and quiet until I really get to know you.  Because of this, I didn't know how much I would really enjoy the support group.  I had convinced myself that unless I open up, it wouldn't benefit me at all.  I was actually pretty talkative and I am proud of myself for that.  I am happy to say that my plans are to return next month and Trent said he may even go with me one time if he is ever off work on the day that it falls on.  It was so good to be surrounded by others who understand you and what you are going through and also help you to realize everything you are going through is perfectly normal.  I am not going to lie and this is the first time I have EVER came out and been so blunt on my blog about this but I find it difficult to be happy for others who are pregnant.  I deal daily with guilt for this however, tonight made me realize I am not alone in this feeling.  As I have said before, no one will ever understand that until they first hand experience infertility.  It also felt good to be able to open up about things that bother me and others could relate to and be in just as much shock as me when it comes to some things that is said to infertiles.  I can honestly say that I felt so comfortable and at peace there.  I am so happy I made the decision to go.  

The last thing I wanted to mention some have probably already seen on facebook but our neighbor called us on Saturday and said she had found a non profit infertility grant through Baby Quest Foundation out of California.  Unfortunately the deadline to turn in the application for this grant is on November 15th.  After me and Trent talking about it, we decided we would kick our butts into gear and get everything done that needed to be done to apply.  I have the application and my letter complete now all we have to wait on is the letter from the doctor and they said pictures was optional so I am going to find a couple of pictures to print and send in with the application.   If we were to win this grant, we would potentially have InVitro paid for which would tickle us to death because we know we CAN NOT afford this on our own.  Again I say maybe God is looking over us and allowing everything to happen just right.  Maybe this cycle got cancelled so we could save our last 2 vials for InVitro.  Who knows?  I guess we will find out sometime close to the beginning of December.  The deadline for the application is November 15th and they said they usually announce who won the grant approx 2 weeks after the application deadline.  We pray that God will bless us with the finances to continue on this journey we are on and bless us with that sweet miracle we have prayed so long about. 

I guess this is all for now but will update everyone later when we have any new news about anything.  Thank you so very much to all for the prayers, love, support and encouragement you have given us lately through all of the hectic ness we have been through and with our possible new journey of InVitro.  We really pray that God blesses us with that Grant so we can continue to try to accomplish our goals and dreams of parenthood.

Bootcamp Night 1 = Success

Over the weekend, Trent was in a golfing tournament and left the house around 9am so I decided to surprise my family and show up in Manchester.  I didn't get to spend long with them but I was there for about 6 hours and had to leave so I could get home to Trent when he got home from his tournament.  As I was getting ready to leave Manchester, Amber said out of no where that I could take Kellen home with me if I would bring her home the next day.  Alrighty then.  You don't have to ask me twice if I want to take my sweet little baby girl home.  I was so excited because I would be able to surprise Trent and just show up with her.  I was also horribly shocked Amber offered to let me have her because this is the first time I have been able to bring her home with me.  Amber has always came with her so this was going to be a night just with her Nay Nay and PoPo.  Not sure what brought up the conversation but earlier in the day while in Manchester, Amber said if Kellen grew up to be a heathen, she was going to send her to mine and Trent's house for bootcamp.  I asked why she said that because we would just spoil her and Amber said she knew but she also thought we could whip her into shape if needed too.  Because of this, when she got to come home with me, we joked around that she was going to bootcamp. 

 

Here are some pictures I took of Kellen while in Manchester.

She don't mind tummy time.  It won't be long before she is crawling.
She gets up on her knees like she knows exactly what she is doing
but she just doesn't move forward.  She can move backwards though.

Aww, just look how sweet my baby girl is.  I just
love that purty little face to pieces.

Ah, that side profile with those Beautiful blue eyes and tongue sticking
out has got to be the sweetest thing I ever seen.

You just can't get more Beautiful than this.

As I was getting closer to home, I was checking up with Trent to see how much more he liked and at the time I was going through Spring Hill where the Golf tournament was, he was still there waiting for the results so I stopped by.  Once I got there, I called him and told him to come to the car that I had a surprise.  When he got to the car, he immediately saw her in the back seat and said "YOU GOT BABY GIRL!"  He was so happy to see her and get to keep her for the night. 

The following pictures is from Bootcamp at Nay Nay and PoPo's house.  If you read the captions under the pictures, you will see what all she learned from Baby Bootcamp.

 

She played with a hanger to learn how
to help her mommy do laundry.

She learned how to stop, drop and roll.  Seriously though, silly girl
cracked us up.  She laid down on the blanket and started rolling herself
in it.

Oh My gosh, she looks just like her brother here.

At bootcamp, she also learned to go to Church.

Nay Nay and PoPo with the sweet girl after church.

After church, she also learned how to make some Chocolate Oatmeal
Coookies.  First you gotta add the sugar.

Then the butter. 

Then you add the cocoa. 

Just look at that sweet face.  Nay Nay just loves this little girl to death.

We were tickled to death to be able to keep the sweet girl Saturday night.  We were so horribly sad to have to take her back home and called her mommy to tell her she didn't come with a "return to sender slip" so we couldn't bring her back.  Unfortunately, that excuse didn't work and we had to return her.  I felt so silly but when we took her back, I almost started crying as we left because I just really didn't want to give her back.  We can't wait for the next time that we get to keep the sweet girl.