Our Monsoon but All We Really Need is Love

When it rains, it pours!  Right?  Well, we made this comment not long ago and then we realized, it isn't just pouring, its a monsoon in our life.  Sorry, this blog is going to be really long if you hang around to read all of it.

Its honestly been a whole whirlwind of things lately and for the life of me, I can't remember one of the things (if not more) that took place but let me just sum up what all we have went through, are going through and will be going through soon.

For about a year now, off and on, I have had some discomfort in my right ovary area.  I have never mentioned it to a doctor because again, it was just off and on.  Honestly, when I first noticed it, was last summer when me and Trent would eat freezy pops like they were going out of style.  I would notice when I would have several of them, I would get the discomfort feeling.  Well, it seems like lately, it has been there more than not therefore, I decided to go to the doctor and talk to them about it.  Oh, let me back up now.  That just reminded me of yet another thing that had been going on.  So lets say Flood #1. I went to the doctor originally for a UTI however, thought while I was there, I would mention the discomfort in my right ovary area.  This was the first UTI I have ever had to my knowledge.  I had never had symptoms of one before however, this one was a full blown UTI.  Pain/burning, slight spotting, very frequent urination, the whole nine yards.   They done a urine test and said it was "nasty" and then they also sent it off to culture it.  They put me on antibiotics and it obviously came back with Bacteria.  We had just got home from our cruise so wondered if I hadn't picked up some funk from the cruise but oh well.  Will never really know what caused the UTI.  Well, after 1 round of antibiotics, I went back and done yet another urine test and had it sent off and cultured and yet again it came back with bacteria but this time, a totally different type of bacteria than it originally was.  Finally, after 2 rounds of antibiotics, the UTI is gone. 

Now, back to the original story of the discomfort.  We will call the discomfort Flood #2.  When I had mentioned it to them, they just kind of shrugged it off as if it was no big deal and really didn't say much about it.  We did go ahead and do a ultrasound that day just to be on the safe side and make sure I didn't have a cyst or anything and of course, the ultrasound came back perfectly normal.  Since they wasn't worried about it, I didn't make too big of a fuss over it.  Well a couple nights later, the discomfort had gotten pretty intense therefore, I set my mind to it and said I had to do something about it.  The next day, I called my gynocologist office and spoke with one of the nurses (which Trent has known FOREVER and she has ALWAYS been wonderful with me.)  I told her all of my symptoms, discomfort coming and going on and off a year, only my right side, usually only happens in the afternoons when I am at home and settled in, and also told her I have already had an ultrasound which showed normal.  She said that she had the exact same symptoms as me with her pain/discomfort coming and going on right side ovary for a really long time and her appendix ruptured.  I kind of set into freak out mode at that point.  They went ahead and scheduled me for an appointment the next week but in the mean time told me to follow up with my family doctor to make sure it is not appendicitis or anything like that.  I called my family doctor that then immediately ordered STAT blood work on me and told me to be there for an appointment an hour later.  I went and done the blood work which the results was already at her office by the time I had gotten there for my appointment.  Well, all of my blood work looked good which said there was no infection and it wasn't appendicitis.  They then ordered me to have a CT scan.  Well, wouldn't you know, the CT scan also came back perfectly normal saying no mass, no tumors, no appendicitis, etc.  I was very glad to know that nothing major was going on with me however, it still didn't answer any questions as to why I was having discomfort.  I then followed up with my gyn the next week and they done yet another ultrasound which again, showed normal with nothing going on.  This ultrasound was done right about a month after the original one so I really figured they wouldn't see anything but I was hoping for possible answers.  This was the 2nd ultrasound in 1 month, not to mention, that made a total of 7 total ultrasounds in just about 9 months due to having an ultrasound with every IUI.  You would think if something was there, we would have seen it with the ultrasounds that we done with the IUI's.  At that point, me and my gyn had talked about endometriosis and if I should have a laproscopy.  He says that it would probably be beneficial but I really don't have endometriosis symptoms.  He recommended that I follow up with my fertility specialist and see what they say.  Well, I then followed up with Dr. Hill which again states that I am not a "typical" endometriosis patient.  He has told me this in the past.  When we first started dealing with infertility, all the test came back normal on me and he had said at that time, the only other thing to do would be to do a laproscopy and look around and check for possible endometriosis.   We had all agreed at that time that it really wasn't necessary if I did not really have symptoms of it.  Well, fast forward to 3 failed attempts of IUI.  Dr. Hill again said that I was not a "typical" endometriosis patient and he really didn't feel like I had it but it "might" be beneficial to do a laproscopy and check.  Well, again, since it didn't really seem necessary since I don't really have symptoms, we just blew it off and never done the laproscopy.  Well, when I followed up with him for the right ovary discomfort, we decided it was best to go ahead and follow through with the Laproscopy and also a Hysteroscopy just to look around inside and make sure nothing is going on and to also check for endometriosis.  He still states I am not the typical endometriosis patient if I have it and he still says with 5 failed attempts at IUI and the discomfort, I still truly don't have the symptoms or signs of endometriosis however, you never really know until you do the laproscopy and see.  All of this being said, I am scheduled to have surgery (Laproscopy and Hysteroscopy) on July 30th.  I have NEVER had anything done and I am terrified out of my mind to have any type of surgery or be put to sleep but I know its best.  I also don't want to do this because if nothing is wrong, we have wasted our money on NOTHING!!!  Also, I relate this to fertility and to be perfectly honest, we are sick and tired of spending money on fertility.  Honestly, I would come close to backing out of the surgery if it wasn't for Trent but we both agree that it needs to be done regardless.  Who knows, it might come back and show that I do have endometriosis.  Which by the way, Dr. Hill says he will try to fix while he is in there if I do have it.  Therefore, if I do have it and he treats it, this just might be the magic trick to getting us pregnant with one of the last 5 vials that we have left.  Not to mention, part of what makes the surgeries frustrating is my insurance sent me a letter stating they agree that I need the 2 surgeries done however, they can't guarentee me that they are going to pay for it.  What?  Are you kidding me?  You agree I need it but you might not pay for it?  That just makes no sense.
Flood #3.  We were supposed to be able to start IUI back this month however, now because of having the surgeries, this has to be put off until at least September.
Flood #4.  Ok, this one was expected however, it really just adds onto the sucky part of everything else.  We are fixing to get our big huge whopping bill of $1,100 just for blood work from our donor.  $1,100 for blood work is totally and utterly ridiculous.

Flood #5.  We had been saying for a while that my car had been acting really funky and we really needed a new car.  The car would shake if you started going too fast, the speedometer worked off and on, the cruise control was random when it would work.  Well, one day at work, I was going out for lunch but to only find out that I wouldn't be able to go out for lunch because my car wouldn't move.  I called Trent and he came to my work to get it.  He got it running just barely enough to make it home.  Thank God his parents was in Columbia and was able to follow him home.  When he took it to get it looked at, we found out that with 8 codes that pulled up on the computer, all of them were dealing with the transmission.  We later find out that the fuel pump was also going out.  We were then at that point faced with no choice but to go buy a car.  We luckily got a steal on the car that we found and was able get a newer vehicle with fairly low mileage and the car payments right where we wanted them.  I got a 2011 Chevy Malibu that had only 23,000 miles on it.  We had wanted as low miles as possible because I am ALWAYS on the road.  We had found another Malibu with only 12,000 miles on it at a different lot but they didn't work with us like the place did that we got the car.  The whole car issue was one heck of a stressor on us because the car lot was absolutely crazy and worked a deal with us, gave us trade in on my car without seeing it or anything.  We signed the papers and left the lot with our new car.  When we left, we was supposed to be taking my old Kia back up to them that afternoon since that was now there car that they had already signed papers on, traded in and everything.  Well, this whole ordeal was MUCH worse than I am going to make it out to be on here but lets just sum it up to say that when we got home to take the Kia to them, the Kia WOULD NOT start.  Oh boy, what was we to do then.  Well, our mechanic (which is Trent's friend that graduated high school with him) came to our house looked around for a minute and then instructed us to go get a hammer.  He then proceeded to beat on the gas tank with it.  Well, what do you know, the car started on up.  This is when we found out it wasn't only the transmission but it was also the fuel pump.  At this point, the car lot that we had just bought the new car from was going to be closed before we could get it up to them.  Trent had to call the guy who sold it to us which luckily him and his dad knew and tell him we was running late that it would be tomorrow before we could get it there.  Our mechanic said that it should start on up tomorrow when we was supposed to take it to the car lot but if it didn't, just beat the gas tank with the hammer and take it on up there.  Well, the next morning, thank God, it started and Trent got rid of that sucker as quickly as he could.  One the way up there, low and behold the dern ol' check engine light came on.  When he got there, he told the guy that sold it to us and he said he didn't care, he wasn't the one that bought the car from us. lol.  Poor car lot, they really got screwed in the deal but after all, that is there own fault for making a deal with someone and letting them sign papers and everything before even looking at a vehicle they are letting someone trade in.  Needless to say, they got screwed and we basically stole our new car.

Flood #6.  People wonder why we can NEVER get over the constant battle with infertility.  Well, lets just put it this way.  Imagine you COULD NOT have children and 3 people in your family was pregnant and not to mention another one just had a child almost 3 months ago.  This is people in my family alone.  This is not everyone I know that is pregnant or just had a child for that matter.  It is a constant battle with us that we will NEVER be able to escape.  As much as people want to claim they understand what we are going through, in reality, they will NEVER understand unless they have went through our EXACT situation.  So many people claim to understand when they have children, are pregnant, or not even trying.  How can you say you understand when you truly have no clue.  To be honest, it is very offensive and has left a lot of hurt feelings with me and Trent both when people try to claim they know what we are experiencing.  I am honestly not trying to be harsh but realistic.  I don't care what your job/career is, school, job, training or nothing like that will ever prepare you for what it is like to deal with infertility.  I don't care what your life experiences is.  You still don't know what it is like to struggle with what we have struggled with.  The things and reasonings in why people know what we are going through that we have heard in the past, just never cease to amaze me.  Yes, some may experience other things that may give you a SLIGHT glimpse of what we are going through but in reality, it is NOTHING like what we have experienced.  Fact is, no one that I personally know to this point has ever or will ever have to go through the trouble that we have had to go through and continue to struggle with.

The last flood that I can think of is Flood #7.  On Sunday night / Monday, Trent had one of his crazy sickness episodes.  It started with the pressure in his stomach as always and then all into the night he struggled with his nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea (N/V/D).  We both took off Monday due to being up all night and not getting any sleep.  Normally when he does the whole N/V/D he normally passes a kidney stone a couple days later.  Well, his back was hurting yesterday but no kidney stone is passed yet.  Bless his heart.  I absolutely HATE it when he goes through this sick spell.  I swear he is so dang pitiful when he gets so sick.  I have honest to God never seen someone get as sick as he does when he gets this crazy stuff.

EDIT***  There has been 2 more floods that we just remembered.

Flood #8  Last week, Trent also had to go to the doctor because he had gotten into some Poison Oak which he is highly allergic too. He also had some other type of breakout at the same time which we have no clue what it was and neither did the doctor.  It is slowly but surely getting better even though he still has to keep itch cream on it.

Flood #9  Our push mower has officially also died on us so we have to get a new one.

All of this stuff has happened over just about a 2 month time frame.  As you can see, we have had a lot of crap happening to us lately.  It seems like it is something never ending with us.  It always happens where it is a lot at once or nothing at all.  Saying all of this, I am so very grateful that I have my wonderful hubby to go through life with.  I absolutely could not imagine life without him.  He is absolutely the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and knows just how to make me feel better when I am down or sad or anything.  Speaking of him knowing just how to make everything better.  The other day, I was kind of sulking and frustrated with everything going on and he said to me "I love you" as he pats my leg.  "We have love, thats all we really need!  Right?"  Boy, oh Boy, my hubby really knows how to work my heart. 

Even though we have had a TON going on, I really can't complain.  Life is truly going good for us even though its hectic.  We have good health, a roof over our head, an AMAZING marriage, a happy life, food on the table (too much of it), jobs, wonderful family and friends who love us and support us in all of our journeys, etc.  My list could go on and on.  Even though we have life struggles, I am truly blessed.  I am so grateful to God for all of his wonderful blessings in my life.

Another EDIT***  I also feel the need to say Thank You so much again to those who have been so very loving and supportive to us.  Those of you who have, know who you are and it truly means the world to us.  I know sometimes I may make it sound like we don't get support and it's only discouraging when people try to act like they understand but I just wanted to say I don't thank those enough who truly deserve it so THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottoms of our hearts.

I will steal this recent quote from my dad to end this blog with.  "What if you only had what you thanked GOD for?"