IUI #4 - WARNING VERY DETAILED

Hubby says this blog is very detailed.  I guess that being said, if you don't want to hear very specific details of how the procedure works, don't read any further than the first paragraph.  If your not going to read any further, I will just give a short version and say this procedure went well.  We had more sperm than ever before, the egg follicle was bigger than before, and we had something encouraging to happen.  We will test January 11th and hopefully give Trent the best birthday present ever.  There, that is the shortened version.  Please feel free to continue reading if you don't care to hear specific details.

Welp, IUI #4 is now done and over.  This procedure went exceptionally well.  On the new med, I still only had 1 good egg follicle however it was a good one at 24.5mm.  I think that is the biggest follicle we have had so far.  Anyways, for the IUI, we had another new nurse and she was actually a nurse practitioner.  Her name was Martha.  She done things a little differently than anyone else ever has before.  Before actually inserting the catheter in, she cleaned the cervix and after the procedure when she was actually pulling the catheter out, she explained something a little differently then also.  With this IUI, we also had more sperm than we have ever had before also.  We were shocked with this because with IUI #3, we had specifically asked for a specific vial to be used because we knew it was going to be our best vial.  Well, this time, we also asked to use a specific vial because we want to use the ones with the best numbers and leave the worst for last.  As I have said before, when the vial is thawed, it can kill off half, if not more than half of the motile sperm however this time, it did not kill anywhere near half.  Actually compared to the paperwork that we have when the vial was actually froze, it only killed 0.8million.  Anyways, this time we ended up with 12.6 million motile sperm.  We were tickled to death with this because yet again, this meant that we only had to use 1 vial.  We really thought we would end up having to use 2 vials this time.  This time, the progressive motile sperm percentage was also higher than it had ever been before.  There is also one more thing that Martha said that defiantly gave us some encouragement but I will post that under a TMI section in case someone doesn't want to hear about a gross aspect of female ovulation.  After the procedure, I have to lay with my knees up and my hips tilted for 15 minutes.  After EVERY procedure, Trent has increased the time on the timer so that we actually end up sitting for about 25 minutes.  He just cracks me up.

Our donor has actually collected more vials for us and we still have atleast 4 vials left.  We are still waiting to find out how many vials were collected from another day so really we actually have 5-6 vials.  We had asked Martha about using 2 vials for each procedure from here on out since the doctor is only giving us 3 more tries until he moves on to IVF which we will not do because of expenses.  Martha explained that at that point he would recommend moving to IVF however if we just said no absolutely not, we wanted to continue with IUI that she really thought he would agree to continue with IUI instead of giving up on us.  That being said, we pray we don't need the 3 or more tries but we atleast have extra vials now if needed.  If we do end up pregnant this time, this also gives us extra vials for a possible 2nd child in the future. 

We will be testing on January 11th just a few days after Trent's birthday so hopefully Trent will have a wonderful birthday present. 

WARNING: A LITTLE TMI TO COME SO IF YA DON'T WANT TO HEAR, SCROLL ON DOWN TO PICTURES.

Since Martha done things a little differently, when she cleaned the cervix before entering the catheter, she had said that there was actually some very good stretchy cervical mucous that she had cleaned away.  She said as she was cleaning it away, it was actually coming out of the cervix at that point and time.  Sperm can not live nor swim with out good cervical mucous so this made us feel VERY good to know that there was good cervical mucous there at that specific time.  Chances are that there has always been good cervical mucous before however, no one has ever cleaned the cervix before and no one has ever mentioned the cervical mucous before.  And maybe there was good before however maybe it wasn't just at the perfect timing as procedure.  None the less, this defiantly made us very hopeful and it was very encouraging. 

Right after IUI #4

Trent always adds more time to the timer

New Sewing Project

So, I wanted to attempt making a quilt so I went to Hobby Lobby to look for material to make one for my mom.  While there, I found the cutest pregnancy material pack that I just had to have.  I figured I would make it for my sister unless I end up pregnant before it is finished which is unlikely because I just started it yesterday and I'm moving right along on it.

What I have done of it so far.

1 material has pregnancy sayings on it (ex Having a baby, Baby Love,
Kicking my Bladder, I can't wait to meet this sweet little one)
.  1 has the different trimesters on it with pictures and sayings (I can't see my feet,
I'm big as a house, Hot momma, Packing for the hospital)
1 has pregnancy cravings on it. (pickles, Ice cream)
1 has cute baby stuff (Love Bug, Cutie Pie, Sweet Pea)
1 just has pink hearts and dots

 While I was trying to take pictures of what I have done, Bullet jumped up there and WOULD NOT move.  He refused to get down and when I tried to get the quilt, he started barking at me.  I think he thinks it is his new blanket.

Bullet Posing with the quilt.

Such a pretty boy.  I just love my sweet little Bullet boy.

Just wanted to show off my newest craftiness.

Making some Changes!

So today we consulted with Dr. Hill and we got the exact news we had hoped for.  We were a little anxious wondering what he would have to say.  We thought it would be 1 of 2 things.  1)  Either change medication or 2) Tell us we were done with IUI and we had to move to IVF.  We really felt like it would most likely be a med change but we feared them telling us it was time for IVF. 

Well, it was good news because he just wanted to change my medication.  I was taking Clomid 50mg but now, I will be taking Femara 2.5mg 2 tablets once a day so I will actually be on Femara 5mg.  He said that with Clomid, there was a 90% chance that it would happen within 3 IUI's.  If it didn't happen by then, it was time to change meds so that is what we are doing.  Normally you would take fertility meds on CD 3-7 however today was CD 4 and they would not fill any medications until we consulted with the doctor so, doctor wants me to take the Femara CD 4-8 and we will just do our Follicular ultrasound 1 day later than normal.  Our Ultrasound is set up for the 30th and if everything looks good that day, we will have our 4th IUI on the 31st. 

The doctor said that some people do better on Clomid and some do better on Femara but there is no way to tell who will do better on what med.  From what very little I have looked up on Femara, it sounds hopeful.  It sounds like several people who is unsuccessful on Clomid has success on Femara.  We can only pray that we are one of those who do better with Femara.  It seems like it is a second option for most doctors as it is actually a medication to treat Breast Cancer however it is also used as a fertility drug.  I done so well with no moody crazy side effects on Clomid that it scares me to go to a new med.  I just pray that Femara doesn't cause me to be crazy and moody. 

Dr. Hill also said that he would give us 3 failed IUI cycles on Femara before we had to move to IVF.  At that point, if it has not happened by then, I am most certain we would just go straight to adoption.  Hopefully though we aren't gonna have to worry about all of that.  He did say though that at any point if we were ready to move on to IVF that he would defiantly not be opposed to it.  We told him with the expenses of IVF that we would most likely not move to that so we wanted to do IUI as many times as we possibly could before giving up.

Before the doctor came in the room, me and Trent was really picking on one another and laughing and while we were getting a good laugh, the doctor walked in.  It really made me think.  I am sure the doctor sees all kinds of people come in all depressed, sad and upset.  It was probably good for him to come in and see someone laughing, cutting up and having a good time.  Again, this just goes to show just how blessed we are to have such a wonderful marriage where we know we can always rely upon one another for complete happiness. 

We want to be pregnant and experience pregnancy so badly.  Today I was thinking about all the women out there that have adopted and never gotten to experience pregnancy.  I thought about the hopeful day that we find out that we are pregnant and then my heart broke for those who have never gotten to experience it.  I pray that one day we get to experience pregnancy however when that day comes, I will know that I am more blessed than some out there that have never gotten to experience it.  I know to those adoptive parents that those kids are their live and they wouldn't trade it for the world but I also know when you experience infertility just how very badly you want to experience every single part of having a child. 

Well, I reckon that is enough rambling for now but just wanted to update everyone on our journey and where we are now.

WE HOPE EVERYONE HAS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Thoughts :(

So as I was typing the blog earlier is when I had actually got the call from the doctors office and they informed me the doctor would not refill any medications until we re consult with them.  Since then, I have had just a little time to think about it but it is so very difficult to think about.  So here are some thoughts about it all.

***  Am I ready to give up?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  Of course the first day of us finding out we got a negative again, I was almost ready to give up and so frustrated not understanding why it just hasn't happened for us yet.  I had said if it were not for Trent, I would have been on the brink of giving up however every since the day after we tested, I am back in it at full force.  I am so ready to get another month started up and ready to accomplish all of our dreams.  It is killing me not knowing what to expect on Tuesday and not knowing what they are going to suggest.  Again, I am almost afraid they are going to recommend moving on to IVF (InVitro) and if that is the case, we don't know what we will do.  Will we give up with having our own child and move to adoption? (Most likely)  Or will we continue to pursue having our own child?  If we go IVF, will we continue using donor sperm so it will be cheaper or will we go ahead and shell out the extra thousands and try with Trent's sperm.  If we had a guarantee that IUI would work, we would do it no questions asked.  We would have done Trent no questions asked in the very beginning no matter the cost IF it had been a guarantee.  All I can say is I am not ready at all to quit the journey we have embarked upon.  I am not ready to look into other options.  We chose this option for a reason and I want to make it all happen.  Hopefully Tuesday will only be about a change in medication and they will put me on something stronger or more successful.  We can only hope.

***  I 110% feel like the route we have taken was absolutely meant for us to take.  I said this because I don't want my next comment to get taken the wrong way.  But, in the beginning, I really felt like adoption was what God was trying to lead us to.  I could have just felt that way since we had an adoption to fall into our laps (which we obviously turned down) but with having 3 unsuccessful IUI's, it makes me wonder if adoption isn't where we need to be.  I know there is some child out there that needs a wonderful mommy and daddy such as me and Trent and we would be nothing but proud and honored to give that child a life it could have never had.  Again, don't get me wrong.  I am not ready to move on to adoption.  I want to continue on the route we are taking but, if the doctors give us certain options, it will really make me wonder if that wasn't God's plan for us all along.  If we do end up adopting, do I OR will I regret what we have been through with IUI's?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  God obviously led us the route he did for a reason and he has a very special plan for us.  I am so Thankful me and Trent have gotten to experience the things we have experienced that are so very special to us in our own ways.  Many people will never understand just how special those days of IUI's were to us.  Even though the IUI's failed, those days will always be special as we knew we were trying to achieve something so very special.

***  I am really starting to feel numb to the failed IUI's and not having a child.  With IUI #1, we cried and expressed it and it was very difficult but we handled it better than we thought we would.  IUI #1 was probably the most difficult one though.  IUI #2, I shed some tears but again, took it better than expected.  It hurt but what could we do about it other than try again.  IUI #3, is where I really begin to feel like I am numb to it all.  I feel it is hard for me to cry about.  The first day, I shed a few tears right after I found out and then was done.  I can't believe how well I have taken things.  Honestly, I thought I would be a total emotional basket case after 3 failed IUI's.  I still can't believe we have actually been through 3 rounds of IUI and now I just wonder where our lives are leading us.  I guess after Tuesday we will HOPEFULLY start seeing a pathway to the end.  Today was definitely difficult to find out that we would have to re consult with the doctor but I think part of it was so difficult because it was so unexpected.  I think if we expected it, it wouldn't have hit so hard.  That also could be part of the reason that I feel numb to failed IUI's because I expect it.  It is hard to expect that we will ever be parents just because it has been such a long hard journey. 

The moral of all of this is God is going to lead you down some paths sometimes that you will wonder how and why you got there but in the end, even if that path doesn't give you success, it was in God's plan for your life before you were even brought into this world.  So grasp life by the horns and hold on because you just might be in for one heck of a crazy ride.

Another Fail!

I haven't really had the chance to post because I am now on Day shift and I have took up a new hobby of sewing which is taking up alot of my time.  This is such a wonderful thing since Trent went to days about a month ago.  Also, when and if we ever end up pregnant, I do not want to work nights with a baby.  We had tested on Tuesday and again, we got a negative.  I just talked to the doctors office and they have informed me that the after the 3rd failed try, the doctor did not want to refill any medications for us that he wanted to re consult with us to see what else could be done.  We are hoping it is just a med change or something like that but I have heard after multiple failed attempts that sometimes they will suggest going to in vitro.  We are stuck in a tough situation if they recommend going to that.  We are totally clueless and have no expectations on what could happen at this appointment.  We go on Tuesday so we will know by then what they are wanting to do.  Please keep us in your prayers as we feel totally blind sighted by this.  We did not expect this at all and now we hope we are faced with easy decisions as this whole thing as been so very difficult

I really don't have much to say about the fail.  Honestly, we had our hopes up for this round and really felt good about it but really, honestly, it came to no surprise to me that it was negative.  It just really feels that our dreams will never come true.

On to something happy right now, Trent got me a sewing machine and I have had the best time playing around and making things. 

I am so very excited about our upcoming Niece Kellen NaCole that I have been making her things and I knew I wanted a sewing machine to make more so everything I have made so far has been baby related.


My sister loved Strawberry Shortcake as a kid so I made
a small fleece blanket to hold and the back and
borders is satin.

Here is a cute set of things I made.  Blanket, Bib, Burp Cloths,
and a Diaper Changing Pad.

Burp Cloths

Bib

Diaper Changing Pad rolled up.  See picture below for more of this.

It unfolds into a pad to change them on.  Also, the bottom where you see
the design, it is a pocket to store wipes and a diaper or 2.
Seems like it will be pretty handy.

Anyways,  It is close to Christmas and this is our 3rd year childless and trying but we will make the best of it.  Atleast we have our family that is so very dear to us and knows and understands our situation and for the most part knows how difficult Christmas could be for us this year.

We hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.  I am sure I will update before then but if not then Merry Christmas to everyone.