Well, I am very happy to say that today's ultrasound went exceptionally well. I was very anxious for today's ultrasound more so than I have EVER been for any other procedure we have been through. In reality, I still realize it could never happen however, I am more anxious, excited and kinda scared over this procedure than I have EVER been before. I think it is for the simple fact that I know we have better chances now than we have ever had before. I have been reflecting back over our whole journey alot today and it truly amazes me what all me and Trent have endured over our whole relationship. It all started with me and Trent 9 years and 8 months ago and during that time, we have endured a crazy journey of a long distance relationship for 4 1/2 years and we have always said that if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything. We have been faced with several things in our almost 10 years of being together that could put us through the ultimate test but I feel like almost 3 and a half years ago when we started this whole baby making journey, we were faced with the biggest test and probably most challenging test we will ever face as a married couple. We have faced this ultimate challenge of infertility with many emotions and it is thankfully by God's grace that this journey has not the first time caused any type of conflict in our marriage. On the way to the ultrasound this morning, I couldn't help but to tear up several times just thinking about our whole journey and realizing how strong of a marriage we have and how strong I feel like we have been to pull through everything. I also have been reflecting back on how far I have came just since April and that in itself makes me tear up. After our failed procedure in January, I was almost at rock bottom. I was more than happy to have the break that we were forced into and thought it was the best thing for us. Unfortunately, during that time, I realized I really did not care much to start back with procedures. I thank God, my sister, and Jack for their change of heart for allowing me to be in the delivery room when my sweet little Kellen was born. I know I have told the story before but for those of you who don't remember, it was not the plan all along for me to be in the delivery room when Kellen was born. The plan was for them to come out and get me when Kellen was born and let me have my time with her then. Well, once Amber hit about 7cm, she told me she wanted me to stay in the room. I look back now and truly think God had his hand in it all. I was so much at rock bottom and not really wanting to start procedures back but really couldn't tell Trent no because I know how much it hurts him to hear me say I am done. I now think God had a part in them allowing me to be in the room because the very next day after watching such a miracle being born into this world, I knew there was NO WAY IN THIS WORLD I could deny Trent of that. That is the one thing he wants to experience more than anything. Lol, Trent just asked what I was jawing about and told me to get to the point. He says everyone probably doesn't want to hear about all of this. So, I am so sorry to be rambling. I have been told people like to hear the ups and downs so I just got to rambling and couldn't stop myself. If I sometimes ramble too much, I am sorry. Anyways, I will get to today very shortly. I really don't know what got me rambling because to be quiet honest, I really did not feel like blogging and I had planned on this being a very short blog. Anyways, in all of the previous being said, I am so very very excited for IUI #6 tomorrow. We can't believe it is time to actually go in for the IUI. It really doesn't seem like it is time already. We have been 8 months without an IUI and again, the break was nice but we are more than ready to get back to our mission of having a sweet little baby.
Now, on to today. Again, it went very well. I did only have 1 follicle but, they like to see the follicles at 18mm and mine was 23.5mm. The largest one I have ever had I think was 24.5mm so I am right on track and it is a nice big follicle which is great! There was one HUGE shocker to me and Trent this time though. I don't know why it matters and why we are making a big deal over it however, during all 5 previous IUI's the follicle was on the right side but this time, the follicle is on my left side. We are hoping maybe the change will be a good thing. Since the follicle was ready, I got the Ovidrel HSG shot and we return tomorrow for the IUI. Of course, out of silliness, we say both of us are left handed so maybe my left side will be a good change and it will bring us our sweet little bundle of joy that is so far 3 years and 4 months in the making. We will be going in tomorrow for the IUI with what we believe should be better numbers than we have ever had before. Hopefully with a couple of things combined, IUI #6 will be just what it takes to make my wonderful hubby a daddy and me a mommy which we have desired for so very long. According to my calculations, I still say we will be testing on September 28th and obviously will find out for sure tomorrow what day we will test.
I also wanted to mention again just how much we love and appreciate all of our supporters. Yesterday I went to the mailbox to find the sweetest card that someone sent to us. It was from a Jessica. I know a couple Jessica's but I felt like I knew right away which one sent the card. The crazy thing is, I really have not talked to her since high school until just recently and she has been VERY supportive and encouraging over our journey. I wondered how in the world she could have possibly gotten my address but I just knew the card had to have came from her. I eventually got to talk to my sister to see if she knew exactly where this Jessica lived but she didn't. After a little bit of questioning, my sister finally caught on and confirmed for me that it was in deed the Jessica that I thought it was. My sister had given her my address. Jessica, I know you are reading this blog!!! Again, Thank You so very much for the card. It really meant a ton to us that someone that we really haven't talked to would go out of their way to be so sweet and send us such a meaningful card. I have in the past received a couple of other things saying people was thinking of us throughout our journey and just have not went out of my way to post about it but THANK YOU so much to all of our loving supporters who have been there for us during this tough trial in our lives. It always brightens our days to get something so unexpected when we are going through this crazy journey that we are on.
Sorry this turned into such a long blog as I didn't intend on it to but I guess it was just on my heart to share or else it wouldn't have turned into something so big. I pray that God will just continue to see the desires of our hearts through tomorrows IUI and hopefully blesses us with that special little child that is already loved so very much.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
IUI #6 = BRING IT ON!
Holy Cow!!! I can't believe it, it is FINALLY that time again.
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| Pre Natal Vitamin and 2 Femara Pills |
We are so excited for me to finally be taking those 2 little Femara pills again. I also won't lie. I haven't taken my Pre Natal vitamins since our last failed IUI and really didn't take them like I was supposed to back then. Well actually back then the prenatal vitamins made me sick so I actually was taking 2 Flinstone vitamins but have decided to try the actual prenatal vitamins again. I have gotten in trouble in the past by both the fertility doctor and my regular gyno for not taking it but they both definitely understood that I got discouraged and wasn't taking them like I should because of that. They did say that I should at least be taking a good 1 a day woman's vitamin which I still went against there will and did not do. Well, today officially started me trying to be a good girl and take them like I am supposed to. Today was also day 1 on Femara. I will take it through Sunday and then ...........................THURSDAY, WE WILL HAVE OUR FOLLICULAR ULTRASOUND. Oh my goodness, I can't believe we are really starting back. As long as the ultrasound shows a good egg on Thursday, Friday we will have IUI #6.
We are so very excited and are actually more excited this time than the very first IUI we ever had. Me and Trent was actually just talking about how we are only a week away from ultrasound and I actually teared up because I was so excited to be starting back. I still say the break was the best thing we needed BUT, we are more than ready to get everything started back again. In the back of my mind, I still know that it is a possibility that we still may NEVER end up pregnant however, we both say what could really be stopping us now? We obviously now know what we didn't know before and I was actually also dealing with infertility myself which is what was stopping us before but exactly what could really stop us now? There is absolutely no reason I see that we shouldn't end up pregnant now. I still know that it may not happen the first time starting back however, I am hopeful and confident that it should happen now. As Dr. Hill said, my ovaries, my fallopian tubes, and my pelvic region looks good and now since my surgeries, I am cleaner than I will EVER be inside therefore, our chances are better now than ever. Also, we have 5 vials left and in 4 of those vials, we have better numbers than we have EVER had before. We are also hoping that since we have had an 8 month break from fertility drugs, maybe I will respond like I did the first month on fertility meds. The first month on fertility meds, we had 3 good eggs for IUI #1 however, IUI 2-5, there was only 1 egg. All I know is I sure can't wait until Thursday and Friday of next week.
Halloween is Trent's favorite so we are praying we will be growing a little spook by the time October gets here. Based on my calculations, we will be testing on the 28th of this month.
We are still waiting on God's plan for us to fall right in place. God has already blessed us so much more than we ever deserved but we want nothing more than to have a little bundle of joy or 2. Even though its still so very difficult to understand why us, we know God has placed us down this journey for a reason and we have to embrace it and grow from it. Even though we have struggled embracing it at times, I still feel like we have done a good job with what we have been dealt with. It's not an easy journey to be thrown into however, God has watched us through the whole thing and we know God will not give us more than we can handle. Yes, we feel like God thinks we are much stronger at times than we think we are however, we know that God is in control and will take care of us. There is a saying that I heard the other day that I have mixed feelings on however, for the most part I really like it. I have also heard others with mixed thoughts on it but anyways, here it is. "God won't protect you through what he can perfect you through" Yes, I understand no one is perfect and I also know that God protects us through everything and that is the issue that I have with this statement however, I also know that when God knows he has bigger and better plans for you, he uses difficult situations to mold you into what he wants you to be. God is just working on me and Trent and molding us through this journey.
Thank You so much to all of you loving supporters of ours out there who have been so encouraging to us knowing that we are getting ready to start back and Thank You for all the prayers we have already been receiving over the upcoming IUI. I will update everyone again after next week.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Happy and We Know It - Post Op News!
I will start off saying I asked Trent what the title of the Blog should be and he said Happy and We Know It. He said this because I am in a really good mood since leaving the doctors office from my post op visit and I was singing If your happy and you know it, clap your hands, stop your feet, etc. Well we was at the gas station and there was a water puddle so I started singing if your happy and you know it, stomp in a water puddle and I done just that 3 different times and sent him on the run so I didn't get him wet. LOL.
I have been very anxious to follow up with Dr. Hill since my surgery. Since he didn't talk to me after surgery, I just had to go off of what Trent and my mom was telling me. We were very anxious to see how much the doctor thought removing the endometriosis and fibroid would help our chances in getting pregnant since it was supposedly so mild. Well, Mom had said that after the surgery, Dr. Hill had said the endometriosis and fibroid along with other things could have prevented pregnancy. I have been VERY curious as to what "other things" meant. Well, today when we saw Dr. Hill, he was going over the pictures with me that he had printed during surgery. I finally now know why he done the D&C which also explains what he meant by "other things". I apparently had several polyps in my uterus which were all removed with the D&C and also sent to Pathology. Thank God everything came back non cancerous. We figure Dr. Hill said "endometriosis and fibroid along with other things" because he didn't want to mention the polyps until he knew if they were cancerous or not. Me along with my family feels like he done the right thing by not mentioning polyps until we knew. Dr. Hill did say today that endometriosis, fibroids, and polyps are all factors of infertility and since the surgery, I am cleaner than I will ever be and he definitely feels like this has increased our chances of getting pregnant. He also recommends that we start IUI's back ASAP due to the fact that I am now cleaner than ever which is exactly what we had planned on doing. He said to call with my next period and we will start fertility drugs back and do an IUI with that cycle. This means in September, we will be starting back with our IUI's. We are so very excited!!! We have 5 vials left so we will do 1 to 2 more rounds of Femara and if we are not pregnant by then, we will then switch back to Clomid and do a higher dosage than what we used before. If we still don't get pregnant then, we will try 1 to 2 cycles on FSH daily shots. We are obviously hopeful and praying that we will get pregnant before then but we really hope we don't get to the point of having to do the shots because if I remember correctly, when we asked about the shots once before, I am thinking it was about $2,000 a month. We are willing to try 1 maybe 2 rounds of this but really don't want to have to spend that much just on the medicine alone. That will not include the price of the IUI itself.
We had asked about the Endometriosis growing back and he said that yes, it could definitely grow back however we would be looking at a 15 to 18 month window before it normally grows back. He said this was another reason that it would be smart to go ahead and do the IUI's when possible. This also tells me that if we end up pregnant and have vials left that in a couple of years when we are ready to use the rest of the vials and try again, it may be a smart thing to do to go ahead and have another laproscopy, hysteroscopy and possible D&C again to make sure it has not grown back to prevent pregnancy that go around.
I had told Trent that whether they found anything else or not, the surgery was worth it for the polyps alone for the simple fact that they could have potentially been cancerous. God really works in such mysterious ways. Due to the fact that I am not a typical endometriosis patient and I never had any signs or symptoms of the endometriosis, fibroids or polyps, I would have never had the surgery done had it not been for the discomfort and pain I had been having off and on for a year now. I would have never known about my infertility issues had I not been having the discomfort. Who knows, we may have never had a chance at pregnancy if God didn't give me the unknown pain and discomfort. Which by the way, that discomfort and pain I was having before the surgery has not went away therefore, it is most likely due to my appendix. Dr. Hill did discuss that again with us today and said that he couldn't guarantee that is where the discomfort is coming from but he thought it probably was. He says that it is nothing that I have to have done now if we wanted to do IUI's first, we could deal with the appendix later if I could live with the discomfort however, at some point I would probably want to see a General Surgeon about having the appendix removed. He said he doesn't know what would make the appendix stretch and lay across the pelvic region the way it is but I was in no danger.
All I can do is Thank God that he has such a wonderful plan for our lives. Who knows why everything works the way it does but God sure knows every little detail whether we understand it or not. We are very Thankful that I have had the surgery and now have answers to us not getting pregnant and the discomfort I was having and Thankful that things were removed that could have had potential to be very bad. We are Thankful lab results came back good with no cancer. We are also Thanking God for giving us the opportunity to be able to start fresh and start IUI's back. We sure can't wait till next month. We are so very excited to get everything going again. I can't believe it has been 7 months now since we have had a procedure done but again, God knows best. We should have technically been able to start back in April however several things delayed the process of us starting back and now we know God had reasoning behind it all. If we had started back in April, we would have probably already used all of the vials and just now finding out about my infertility problems which means that we would have been out of luck with us getting pregnant.
We left Dr. Hill's office today feeling VERY hopeful. Us along with Dr. Hill himself is very hopeful now that everything will all work out and we will end up pregnant in the end of all of this!!! We sure can't wait to see what God's plan is for us and what our future holds. Hopefully, it holds a little baby cousin for our sweet little Kellen NaCole.
Thank You all for your thoughts and prayers for us during this time. They have been greatly appreciated. As we all know and can see from this post alone, God sure answers prayers and always knows best.
I have been very anxious to follow up with Dr. Hill since my surgery. Since he didn't talk to me after surgery, I just had to go off of what Trent and my mom was telling me. We were very anxious to see how much the doctor thought removing the endometriosis and fibroid would help our chances in getting pregnant since it was supposedly so mild. Well, Mom had said that after the surgery, Dr. Hill had said the endometriosis and fibroid along with other things could have prevented pregnancy. I have been VERY curious as to what "other things" meant. Well, today when we saw Dr. Hill, he was going over the pictures with me that he had printed during surgery. I finally now know why he done the D&C which also explains what he meant by "other things". I apparently had several polyps in my uterus which were all removed with the D&C and also sent to Pathology. Thank God everything came back non cancerous. We figure Dr. Hill said "endometriosis and fibroid along with other things" because he didn't want to mention the polyps until he knew if they were cancerous or not. Me along with my family feels like he done the right thing by not mentioning polyps until we knew. Dr. Hill did say today that endometriosis, fibroids, and polyps are all factors of infertility and since the surgery, I am cleaner than I will ever be and he definitely feels like this has increased our chances of getting pregnant. He also recommends that we start IUI's back ASAP due to the fact that I am now cleaner than ever which is exactly what we had planned on doing. He said to call with my next period and we will start fertility drugs back and do an IUI with that cycle. This means in September, we will be starting back with our IUI's. We are so very excited!!! We have 5 vials left so we will do 1 to 2 more rounds of Femara and if we are not pregnant by then, we will then switch back to Clomid and do a higher dosage than what we used before. If we still don't get pregnant then, we will try 1 to 2 cycles on FSH daily shots. We are obviously hopeful and praying that we will get pregnant before then but we really hope we don't get to the point of having to do the shots because if I remember correctly, when we asked about the shots once before, I am thinking it was about $2,000 a month. We are willing to try 1 maybe 2 rounds of this but really don't want to have to spend that much just on the medicine alone. That will not include the price of the IUI itself.
We had asked about the Endometriosis growing back and he said that yes, it could definitely grow back however we would be looking at a 15 to 18 month window before it normally grows back. He said this was another reason that it would be smart to go ahead and do the IUI's when possible. This also tells me that if we end up pregnant and have vials left that in a couple of years when we are ready to use the rest of the vials and try again, it may be a smart thing to do to go ahead and have another laproscopy, hysteroscopy and possible D&C again to make sure it has not grown back to prevent pregnancy that go around.
I had told Trent that whether they found anything else or not, the surgery was worth it for the polyps alone for the simple fact that they could have potentially been cancerous. God really works in such mysterious ways. Due to the fact that I am not a typical endometriosis patient and I never had any signs or symptoms of the endometriosis, fibroids or polyps, I would have never had the surgery done had it not been for the discomfort and pain I had been having off and on for a year now. I would have never known about my infertility issues had I not been having the discomfort. Who knows, we may have never had a chance at pregnancy if God didn't give me the unknown pain and discomfort. Which by the way, that discomfort and pain I was having before the surgery has not went away therefore, it is most likely due to my appendix. Dr. Hill did discuss that again with us today and said that he couldn't guarantee that is where the discomfort is coming from but he thought it probably was. He says that it is nothing that I have to have done now if we wanted to do IUI's first, we could deal with the appendix later if I could live with the discomfort however, at some point I would probably want to see a General Surgeon about having the appendix removed. He said he doesn't know what would make the appendix stretch and lay across the pelvic region the way it is but I was in no danger.
All I can do is Thank God that he has such a wonderful plan for our lives. Who knows why everything works the way it does but God sure knows every little detail whether we understand it or not. We are very Thankful that I have had the surgery and now have answers to us not getting pregnant and the discomfort I was having and Thankful that things were removed that could have had potential to be very bad. We are Thankful lab results came back good with no cancer. We are also Thanking God for giving us the opportunity to be able to start fresh and start IUI's back. We sure can't wait till next month. We are so very excited to get everything going again. I can't believe it has been 7 months now since we have had a procedure done but again, God knows best. We should have technically been able to start back in April however several things delayed the process of us starting back and now we know God had reasoning behind it all. If we had started back in April, we would have probably already used all of the vials and just now finding out about my infertility problems which means that we would have been out of luck with us getting pregnant.
We left Dr. Hill's office today feeling VERY hopeful. Us along with Dr. Hill himself is very hopeful now that everything will all work out and we will end up pregnant in the end of all of this!!! We sure can't wait to see what God's plan is for us and what our future holds. Hopefully, it holds a little baby cousin for our sweet little Kellen NaCole.
Thank You all for your thoughts and prayers for us during this time. They have been greatly appreciated. As we all know and can see from this post alone, God sure answers prayers and always knows best.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Surgery Update...It wasn't so bad afterall
As we all know, I had to have surgery yesterday but I did have a month to prepare for it which I feel may have been a good thing. There was only 4 times the whole month that I just let it get to me. Once was the day he said I had to have it done, another time when they called to preregister me and the time after that, I don't know what got to me that day. Yesterday was the 4th time I got upset about it. I think what upset me most about it yesterday was the surgery center was just 2 floors down from the Fertility Center and it made me mad that I was there for Surgery and not for an IUI. We should have been able to start IUI's back this month had I not had to have surgery but now, we have to wait till next month.
On Sunday, I wasn't allowed to eat anything but chicken or beef broth, Popsicles and jello. At 3pm, I had to start a bowel prep and drink Magnesium Citrate. That stuff was horrible and I ended up throwing half of it up about an hour and a half later. It took forever to kick in so we wondered if I had thrown too much up and if it was going to even work but finally around 12am, it started therefore I didn't get much sleep that night at all. Anyways, when we got there, they got all my info and took me back. First thing they say is they need a pregnancy test. I totally get that they have to do that but that kind of upset me all in itself. I had explained to the nurse that it was impossible but had to do what I had to do. She had me to do it anyways as expected. When I came back out, I was a little teary eyed. Just because I knew what was fixing to take place and also doing a stupid pregnancy test was just frustrating. Once they got me back to my prep room, the nurse asked questions and I answered them then the anesthesiologist and anesthesiologist nurse came in to discuss anesthesiology to me and start my IV. I was telling the nurse part of the reason I was nervous was because the worse thing medically that had ever happened to me was when I was a kid in the 5th grade that I got food poisoning and was in the hospital several days with that. She just talked to me and comforted me. After the IV got started, they gave me a nausea pill, Xanax to calm my nerves, and a nausea patch behind my ear. Everyone there was wonderful at trying to put me to ease. My Trentie got to come back with me for a few minutes before they took me to the operating room which made me very happy. They had told me that they would not actually put me to sleep until after we got into the operating room, well, they made Trent leave and was getting ready to push me to the operating room and they started putting something in my IV. I had asked if that was the stuff that would put me to sleep and they said no, it would just make me loopy. I personally feel like it done more than made me loopy. By the time I got to the operating room, I feel like I was already almost out of it. I barely remember being wheeled into the operating room. The very last thing I remember is barely hearing them tell me I was in the operating room and then putting a mask over my face telling me I would smell something that stunk. Well, they are right, it did stink but I didn't smell it long because after only 3 or 4 breaths, I was out of it.
Anyways, I guess everyone is by now wondering what the results showed. Well, for the past month, I have had a mixture of emotions on them not finding anything wrong and us wasting all this money on nothing. I had wondered well, if they didn't find anything, it still wouldn't give us answers and then I would have to move on to another kind of surgeon to hopefully get answers. I have had mixed emotions because I didn't want anything to be wrong with me but I also wanted to know where the pain and discomfort was coming from. Again, I didn't want anything to be wrong but then again, I had kind of hoped they would find something and it would give us answers as to why we haven't ended up pregnant yet. Honestly though, all along I could have sworn they wouldn't find anything. I honest to God didn't think they would find a thing wrong. Well, come to find out, I was totally wrong. Thank God it was nothing major but, there was problems there. I do have a mild case of endometriosis. He only saw 3 spots of it and removed them all. He also found a fibroid which he removed. When we had discussed surgery, he had told me that we would be doing Hysteroscopy and a Laproscopy so I was totally expecting those however, while he was in there, he also done a D&C. He had gave us before and after pictures of the things he done and on the pictures that show where he done the D&C, you can see a bunch of white cloudy looking stuff and then the after was totally clear. I still don't know the reasoning in the D&C but I have to follow up with him in 2 weeks and I will find out then what made him do that. It just makes me wonder if my uterus just wasn't good a clear for us to get pregnant before on top of the mild endometriosis that we didn't know I had. I also wonder if the endometriosis that he removed was on the right side and that possibly being the cause of my pain and discomfort. I am just hope full that with the combination of things that he removed that we will be able to get pregnant now.
The doctor did say though that if my pain and discomfort continued in my right side, it would most likely be due to the fact that my appendix is actually stretched and it is covering my pelvic region. He said the appendix looked perfectly healthy that it was just stretched over my pelvic region which could also be a cause of the pain and discomfort that I have had on and off for a year.
All in all, surgery was no where near as bad as what I expected it to be. Once I got to the recovery room, they gave me more nausea medicine and also gave me more pain meds. Trent said it must have taken me forever to wake up because surgery started at 7:30 and Dr. Hill went and talked to Trent at about 8:15 but he wasn't able to come back with me until about 10:00 or 10:30. Of course, the anesthesia added to the sleepiness but I think part of it was because I was just so dead beat exhausted from not sleeping Sunday night.
I have been sore trying to get up and down to the bathroom. That is the only times I am actually trying to get up for now. While I am laying down for the most part, I am fine. I am now starting to feel the gas rising to my shoulders because at times, they are just killing me in pain. That was a side effect that I was aware of though so I guess it's really no big deal but is painful at times.
Anyways, just wanted to update everyone on how the surgery and everything went. Thanks again for all the love and thoughtfulness to me before and during the surgery.
On Sunday, I wasn't allowed to eat anything but chicken or beef broth, Popsicles and jello. At 3pm, I had to start a bowel prep and drink Magnesium Citrate. That stuff was horrible and I ended up throwing half of it up about an hour and a half later. It took forever to kick in so we wondered if I had thrown too much up and if it was going to even work but finally around 12am, it started therefore I didn't get much sleep that night at all. Anyways, when we got there, they got all my info and took me back. First thing they say is they need a pregnancy test. I totally get that they have to do that but that kind of upset me all in itself. I had explained to the nurse that it was impossible but had to do what I had to do. She had me to do it anyways as expected. When I came back out, I was a little teary eyed. Just because I knew what was fixing to take place and also doing a stupid pregnancy test was just frustrating. Once they got me back to my prep room, the nurse asked questions and I answered them then the anesthesiologist and anesthesiologist nurse came in to discuss anesthesiology to me and start my IV. I was telling the nurse part of the reason I was nervous was because the worse thing medically that had ever happened to me was when I was a kid in the 5th grade that I got food poisoning and was in the hospital several days with that. She just talked to me and comforted me. After the IV got started, they gave me a nausea pill, Xanax to calm my nerves, and a nausea patch behind my ear. Everyone there was wonderful at trying to put me to ease. My Trentie got to come back with me for a few minutes before they took me to the operating room which made me very happy. They had told me that they would not actually put me to sleep until after we got into the operating room, well, they made Trent leave and was getting ready to push me to the operating room and they started putting something in my IV. I had asked if that was the stuff that would put me to sleep and they said no, it would just make me loopy. I personally feel like it done more than made me loopy. By the time I got to the operating room, I feel like I was already almost out of it. I barely remember being wheeled into the operating room. The very last thing I remember is barely hearing them tell me I was in the operating room and then putting a mask over my face telling me I would smell something that stunk. Well, they are right, it did stink but I didn't smell it long because after only 3 or 4 breaths, I was out of it.
Anyways, I guess everyone is by now wondering what the results showed. Well, for the past month, I have had a mixture of emotions on them not finding anything wrong and us wasting all this money on nothing. I had wondered well, if they didn't find anything, it still wouldn't give us answers and then I would have to move on to another kind of surgeon to hopefully get answers. I have had mixed emotions because I didn't want anything to be wrong with me but I also wanted to know where the pain and discomfort was coming from. Again, I didn't want anything to be wrong but then again, I had kind of hoped they would find something and it would give us answers as to why we haven't ended up pregnant yet. Honestly though, all along I could have sworn they wouldn't find anything. I honest to God didn't think they would find a thing wrong. Well, come to find out, I was totally wrong. Thank God it was nothing major but, there was problems there. I do have a mild case of endometriosis. He only saw 3 spots of it and removed them all. He also found a fibroid which he removed. When we had discussed surgery, he had told me that we would be doing Hysteroscopy and a Laproscopy so I was totally expecting those however, while he was in there, he also done a D&C. He had gave us before and after pictures of the things he done and on the pictures that show where he done the D&C, you can see a bunch of white cloudy looking stuff and then the after was totally clear. I still don't know the reasoning in the D&C but I have to follow up with him in 2 weeks and I will find out then what made him do that. It just makes me wonder if my uterus just wasn't good a clear for us to get pregnant before on top of the mild endometriosis that we didn't know I had. I also wonder if the endometriosis that he removed was on the right side and that possibly being the cause of my pain and discomfort. I am just hope full that with the combination of things that he removed that we will be able to get pregnant now.
The doctor did say though that if my pain and discomfort continued in my right side, it would most likely be due to the fact that my appendix is actually stretched and it is covering my pelvic region. He said the appendix looked perfectly healthy that it was just stretched over my pelvic region which could also be a cause of the pain and discomfort that I have had on and off for a year.
All in all, surgery was no where near as bad as what I expected it to be. Once I got to the recovery room, they gave me more nausea medicine and also gave me more pain meds. Trent said it must have taken me forever to wake up because surgery started at 7:30 and Dr. Hill went and talked to Trent at about 8:15 but he wasn't able to come back with me until about 10:00 or 10:30. Of course, the anesthesia added to the sleepiness but I think part of it was because I was just so dead beat exhausted from not sleeping Sunday night.
I have been sore trying to get up and down to the bathroom. That is the only times I am actually trying to get up for now. While I am laying down for the most part, I am fine. I am now starting to feel the gas rising to my shoulders because at times, they are just killing me in pain. That was a side effect that I was aware of though so I guess it's really no big deal but is painful at times.
Anyways, just wanted to update everyone on how the surgery and everything went. Thanks again for all the love and thoughtfulness to me before and during the surgery.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Our Monsoon but All We Really Need is Love
When it rains, it pours! Right? Well, we made this comment not long ago and then we realized, it isn't just pouring, its a monsoon in our life. Sorry, this blog is going to be really long if you hang around to read all of it.
Its honestly been a whole whirlwind of things lately and for the life of me, I can't remember one of the things (if not more) that took place but let me just sum up what all we have went through, are going through and will be going through soon.
For about a year now, off and on, I have had some discomfort in my right ovary area. I have never mentioned it to a doctor because again, it was just off and on. Honestly, when I first noticed it, was last summer when me and Trent would eat freezy pops like they were going out of style. I would notice when I would have several of them, I would get the discomfort feeling. Well, it seems like lately, it has been there more than not therefore, I decided to go to the doctor and talk to them about it. Oh, let me back up now. That just reminded me of yet another thing that had been going on. So lets say Flood #1. I went to the doctor originally for a UTI however, thought while I was there, I would mention the discomfort in my right ovary area. This was the first UTI I have ever had to my knowledge. I had never had symptoms of one before however, this one was a full blown UTI. Pain/burning, slight spotting, very frequent urination, the whole nine yards. They done a urine test and said it was "nasty" and then they also sent it off to culture it. They put me on antibiotics and it obviously came back with Bacteria. We had just got home from our cruise so wondered if I hadn't picked up some funk from the cruise but oh well. Will never really know what caused the UTI. Well, after 1 round of antibiotics, I went back and done yet another urine test and had it sent off and cultured and yet again it came back with bacteria but this time, a totally different type of bacteria than it originally was. Finally, after 2 rounds of antibiotics, the UTI is gone.
Now, back to the original story of the discomfort. We will call the discomfort Flood #2. When I had mentioned it to them, they just kind of shrugged it off as if it was no big deal and really didn't say much about it. We did go ahead and do a ultrasound that day just to be on the safe side and make sure I didn't have a cyst or anything and of course, the ultrasound came back perfectly normal. Since they wasn't worried about it, I didn't make too big of a fuss over it. Well a couple nights later, the discomfort had gotten pretty intense therefore, I set my mind to it and said I had to do something about it. The next day, I called my gynocologist office and spoke with one of the nurses (which Trent has known FOREVER and she has ALWAYS been wonderful with me.) I told her all of my symptoms, discomfort coming and going on and off a year, only my right side, usually only happens in the afternoons when I am at home and settled in, and also told her I have already had an ultrasound which showed normal. She said that she had the exact same symptoms as me with her pain/discomfort coming and going on right side ovary for a really long time and her appendix ruptured. I kind of set into freak out mode at that point. They went ahead and scheduled me for an appointment the next week but in the mean time told me to follow up with my family doctor to make sure it is not appendicitis or anything like that. I called my family doctor that then immediately ordered STAT blood work on me and told me to be there for an appointment an hour later. I went and done the blood work which the results was already at her office by the time I had gotten there for my appointment. Well, all of my blood work looked good which said there was no infection and it wasn't appendicitis. They then ordered me to have a CT scan. Well, wouldn't you know, the CT scan also came back perfectly normal saying no mass, no tumors, no appendicitis, etc. I was very glad to know that nothing major was going on with me however, it still didn't answer any questions as to why I was having discomfort. I then followed up with my gyn the next week and they done yet another ultrasound which again, showed normal with nothing going on. This ultrasound was done right about a month after the original one so I really figured they wouldn't see anything but I was hoping for possible answers. This was the 2nd ultrasound in 1 month, not to mention, that made a total of 7 total ultrasounds in just about 9 months due to having an ultrasound with every IUI. You would think if something was there, we would have seen it with the ultrasounds that we done with the IUI's. At that point, me and my gyn had talked about endometriosis and if I should have a laproscopy. He says that it would probably be beneficial but I really don't have endometriosis symptoms. He recommended that I follow up with my fertility specialist and see what they say. Well, I then followed up with Dr. Hill which again states that I am not a "typical" endometriosis patient. He has told me this in the past. When we first started dealing with infertility, all the test came back normal on me and he had said at that time, the only other thing to do would be to do a laproscopy and look around and check for possible endometriosis. We had all agreed at that time that it really wasn't necessary if I did not really have symptoms of it. Well, fast forward to 3 failed attempts of IUI. Dr. Hill again said that I was not a "typical" endometriosis patient and he really didn't feel like I had it but it "might" be beneficial to do a laproscopy and check. Well, again, since it didn't really seem necessary since I don't really have symptoms, we just blew it off and never done the laproscopy. Well, when I followed up with him for the right ovary discomfort, we decided it was best to go ahead and follow through with the Laproscopy and also a Hysteroscopy just to look around inside and make sure nothing is going on and to also check for endometriosis. He still states I am not the typical endometriosis patient if I have it and he still says with 5 failed attempts at IUI and the discomfort, I still truly don't have the symptoms or signs of endometriosis however, you never really know until you do the laproscopy and see. All of this being said, I am scheduled to have surgery (Laproscopy and Hysteroscopy) on July 30th. I have NEVER had anything done and I am terrified out of my mind to have any type of surgery or be put to sleep but I know its best. I also don't want to do this because if nothing is wrong, we have wasted our money on NOTHING!!! Also, I relate this to fertility and to be perfectly honest, we are sick and tired of spending money on fertility. Honestly, I would come close to backing out of the surgery if it wasn't for Trent but we both agree that it needs to be done regardless. Who knows, it might come back and show that I do have endometriosis. Which by the way, Dr. Hill says he will try to fix while he is in there if I do have it. Therefore, if I do have it and he treats it, this just might be the magic trick to getting us pregnant with one of the last 5 vials that we have left. Not to mention, part of what makes the surgeries frustrating is my insurance sent me a letter stating they agree that I need the 2 surgeries done however, they can't guarentee me that they are going to pay for it. What? Are you kidding me? You agree I need it but you might not pay for it? That just makes no sense.
Flood #3. We were supposed to be able to start IUI back this month however, now because of having the surgeries, this has to be put off until at least September.
Flood #4. Ok, this one was expected however, it really just adds onto the sucky part of everything else. We are fixing to get our big huge whopping bill of $1,100 just for blood work from our donor. $1,100 for blood work is totally and utterly ridiculous.
Flood #5. We had been saying for a while that my car had been acting really funky and we really needed a new car. The car would shake if you started going too fast, the speedometer worked off and on, the cruise control was random when it would work. Well, one day at work, I was going out for lunch but to only find out that I wouldn't be able to go out for lunch because my car wouldn't move. I called Trent and he came to my work to get it. He got it running just barely enough to make it home. Thank God his parents was in Columbia and was able to follow him home. When he took it to get it looked at, we found out that with 8 codes that pulled up on the computer, all of them were dealing with the transmission. We later find out that the fuel pump was also going out. We were then at that point faced with no choice but to go buy a car. We luckily got a steal on the car that we found and was able get a newer vehicle with fairly low mileage and the car payments right where we wanted them. I got a 2011 Chevy Malibu that had only 23,000 miles on it. We had wanted as low miles as possible because I am ALWAYS on the road. We had found another Malibu with only 12,000 miles on it at a different lot but they didn't work with us like the place did that we got the car. The whole car issue was one heck of a stressor on us because the car lot was absolutely crazy and worked a deal with us, gave us trade in on my car without seeing it or anything. We signed the papers and left the lot with our new car. When we left, we was supposed to be taking my old Kia back up to them that afternoon since that was now there car that they had already signed papers on, traded in and everything. Well, this whole ordeal was MUCH worse than I am going to make it out to be on here but lets just sum it up to say that when we got home to take the Kia to them, the Kia WOULD NOT start. Oh boy, what was we to do then. Well, our mechanic (which is Trent's friend that graduated high school with him) came to our house looked around for a minute and then instructed us to go get a hammer. He then proceeded to beat on the gas tank with it. Well, what do you know, the car started on up. This is when we found out it wasn't only the transmission but it was also the fuel pump. At this point, the car lot that we had just bought the new car from was going to be closed before we could get it up to them. Trent had to call the guy who sold it to us which luckily him and his dad knew and tell him we was running late that it would be tomorrow before we could get it there. Our mechanic said that it should start on up tomorrow when we was supposed to take it to the car lot but if it didn't, just beat the gas tank with the hammer and take it on up there. Well, the next morning, thank God, it started and Trent got rid of that sucker as quickly as he could. One the way up there, low and behold the dern ol' check engine light came on. When he got there, he told the guy that sold it to us and he said he didn't care, he wasn't the one that bought the car from us. lol. Poor car lot, they really got screwed in the deal but after all, that is there own fault for making a deal with someone and letting them sign papers and everything before even looking at a vehicle they are letting someone trade in. Needless to say, they got screwed and we basically stole our new car.
Flood #6. People wonder why we can NEVER get over the constant battle with infertility. Well, lets just put it this way. Imagine you COULD NOT have children and 3 people in your family was pregnant and not to mention another one just had a child almost 3 months ago. This is people in my family alone. This is not everyone I know that is pregnant or just had a child for that matter. It is a constant battle with us that we will NEVER be able to escape. As much as people want to claim they understand what we are going through, in reality, they will NEVER understand unless they have went through our EXACT situation. So many people claim to understand when they have children, are pregnant, or not even trying. How can you say you understand when you truly have no clue. To be honest, it is very offensive and has left a lot of hurt feelings with me and Trent both when people try to claim they know what we are experiencing. I am honestly not trying to be harsh but realistic. I don't care what your job/career is, school, job, training or nothing like that will ever prepare you for what it is like to deal with infertility. I don't care what your life experiences is. You still don't know what it is like to struggle with what we have struggled with. The things and reasonings in why people know what we are going through that we have heard in the past, just never cease to amaze me. Yes, some may experience other things that may give you a SLIGHT glimpse of what we are going through but in reality, it is NOTHING like what we have experienced. Fact is, no one that I personally know to this point has ever or will ever have to go through the trouble that we have had to go through and continue to struggle with.
The last flood that I can think of is Flood #7. On Sunday night / Monday, Trent had one of his crazy sickness episodes. It started with the pressure in his stomach as always and then all into the night he struggled with his nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea (N/V/D). We both took off Monday due to being up all night and not getting any sleep. Normally when he does the whole N/V/D he normally passes a kidney stone a couple days later. Well, his back was hurting yesterday but no kidney stone is passed yet. Bless his heart. I absolutely HATE it when he goes through this sick spell. I swear he is so dang pitiful when he gets so sick. I have honest to God never seen someone get as sick as he does when he gets this crazy stuff.
EDIT*** There has been 2 more floods that we just remembered.
Flood #8 Last week, Trent also had to go to the doctor because he had gotten into some Poison Oak which he is highly allergic too. He also had some other type of breakout at the same time which we have no clue what it was and neither did the doctor. It is slowly but surely getting better even though he still has to keep itch cream on it.
Flood #9 Our push mower has officially also died on us so we have to get a new one.
All of this stuff has happened over just about a 2 month time frame. As you can see, we have had a lot of crap happening to us lately. It seems like it is something never ending with us. It always happens where it is a lot at once or nothing at all. Saying all of this, I am so very grateful that I have my wonderful hubby to go through life with. I absolutely could not imagine life without him. He is absolutely the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and knows just how to make me feel better when I am down or sad or anything. Speaking of him knowing just how to make everything better. The other day, I was kind of sulking and frustrated with everything going on and he said to me "I love you" as he pats my leg. "We have love, thats all we really need! Right?" Boy, oh Boy, my hubby really knows how to work my heart.
Even though we have had a TON going on, I really can't complain. Life is truly going good for us even though its hectic. We have good health, a roof over our head, an AMAZING marriage, a happy life, food on the table (too much of it), jobs, wonderful family and friends who love us and support us in all of our journeys, etc. My list could go on and on. Even though we have life struggles, I am truly blessed. I am so grateful to God for all of his wonderful blessings in my life.
Another EDIT*** I also feel the need to say Thank You so much again to those who have been so very loving and supportive to us. Those of you who have, know who you are and it truly means the world to us. I know sometimes I may make it sound like we don't get support and it's only discouraging when people try to act like they understand but I just wanted to say I don't thank those enough who truly deserve it so THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottoms of our hearts.
I will steal this recent quote from my dad to end this blog with. "What if you only had what you thanked GOD for?"
Its honestly been a whole whirlwind of things lately and for the life of me, I can't remember one of the things (if not more) that took place but let me just sum up what all we have went through, are going through and will be going through soon.
For about a year now, off and on, I have had some discomfort in my right ovary area. I have never mentioned it to a doctor because again, it was just off and on. Honestly, when I first noticed it, was last summer when me and Trent would eat freezy pops like they were going out of style. I would notice when I would have several of them, I would get the discomfort feeling. Well, it seems like lately, it has been there more than not therefore, I decided to go to the doctor and talk to them about it. Oh, let me back up now. That just reminded me of yet another thing that had been going on. So lets say Flood #1. I went to the doctor originally for a UTI however, thought while I was there, I would mention the discomfort in my right ovary area. This was the first UTI I have ever had to my knowledge. I had never had symptoms of one before however, this one was a full blown UTI. Pain/burning, slight spotting, very frequent urination, the whole nine yards. They done a urine test and said it was "nasty" and then they also sent it off to culture it. They put me on antibiotics and it obviously came back with Bacteria. We had just got home from our cruise so wondered if I hadn't picked up some funk from the cruise but oh well. Will never really know what caused the UTI. Well, after 1 round of antibiotics, I went back and done yet another urine test and had it sent off and cultured and yet again it came back with bacteria but this time, a totally different type of bacteria than it originally was. Finally, after 2 rounds of antibiotics, the UTI is gone.
Now, back to the original story of the discomfort. We will call the discomfort Flood #2. When I had mentioned it to them, they just kind of shrugged it off as if it was no big deal and really didn't say much about it. We did go ahead and do a ultrasound that day just to be on the safe side and make sure I didn't have a cyst or anything and of course, the ultrasound came back perfectly normal. Since they wasn't worried about it, I didn't make too big of a fuss over it. Well a couple nights later, the discomfort had gotten pretty intense therefore, I set my mind to it and said I had to do something about it. The next day, I called my gynocologist office and spoke with one of the nurses (which Trent has known FOREVER and she has ALWAYS been wonderful with me.) I told her all of my symptoms, discomfort coming and going on and off a year, only my right side, usually only happens in the afternoons when I am at home and settled in, and also told her I have already had an ultrasound which showed normal. She said that she had the exact same symptoms as me with her pain/discomfort coming and going on right side ovary for a really long time and her appendix ruptured. I kind of set into freak out mode at that point. They went ahead and scheduled me for an appointment the next week but in the mean time told me to follow up with my family doctor to make sure it is not appendicitis or anything like that. I called my family doctor that then immediately ordered STAT blood work on me and told me to be there for an appointment an hour later. I went and done the blood work which the results was already at her office by the time I had gotten there for my appointment. Well, all of my blood work looked good which said there was no infection and it wasn't appendicitis. They then ordered me to have a CT scan. Well, wouldn't you know, the CT scan also came back perfectly normal saying no mass, no tumors, no appendicitis, etc. I was very glad to know that nothing major was going on with me however, it still didn't answer any questions as to why I was having discomfort. I then followed up with my gyn the next week and they done yet another ultrasound which again, showed normal with nothing going on. This ultrasound was done right about a month after the original one so I really figured they wouldn't see anything but I was hoping for possible answers. This was the 2nd ultrasound in 1 month, not to mention, that made a total of 7 total ultrasounds in just about 9 months due to having an ultrasound with every IUI. You would think if something was there, we would have seen it with the ultrasounds that we done with the IUI's. At that point, me and my gyn had talked about endometriosis and if I should have a laproscopy. He says that it would probably be beneficial but I really don't have endometriosis symptoms. He recommended that I follow up with my fertility specialist and see what they say. Well, I then followed up with Dr. Hill which again states that I am not a "typical" endometriosis patient. He has told me this in the past. When we first started dealing with infertility, all the test came back normal on me and he had said at that time, the only other thing to do would be to do a laproscopy and look around and check for possible endometriosis. We had all agreed at that time that it really wasn't necessary if I did not really have symptoms of it. Well, fast forward to 3 failed attempts of IUI. Dr. Hill again said that I was not a "typical" endometriosis patient and he really didn't feel like I had it but it "might" be beneficial to do a laproscopy and check. Well, again, since it didn't really seem necessary since I don't really have symptoms, we just blew it off and never done the laproscopy. Well, when I followed up with him for the right ovary discomfort, we decided it was best to go ahead and follow through with the Laproscopy and also a Hysteroscopy just to look around inside and make sure nothing is going on and to also check for endometriosis. He still states I am not the typical endometriosis patient if I have it and he still says with 5 failed attempts at IUI and the discomfort, I still truly don't have the symptoms or signs of endometriosis however, you never really know until you do the laproscopy and see. All of this being said, I am scheduled to have surgery (Laproscopy and Hysteroscopy) on July 30th. I have NEVER had anything done and I am terrified out of my mind to have any type of surgery or be put to sleep but I know its best. I also don't want to do this because if nothing is wrong, we have wasted our money on NOTHING!!! Also, I relate this to fertility and to be perfectly honest, we are sick and tired of spending money on fertility. Honestly, I would come close to backing out of the surgery if it wasn't for Trent but we both agree that it needs to be done regardless. Who knows, it might come back and show that I do have endometriosis. Which by the way, Dr. Hill says he will try to fix while he is in there if I do have it. Therefore, if I do have it and he treats it, this just might be the magic trick to getting us pregnant with one of the last 5 vials that we have left. Not to mention, part of what makes the surgeries frustrating is my insurance sent me a letter stating they agree that I need the 2 surgeries done however, they can't guarentee me that they are going to pay for it. What? Are you kidding me? You agree I need it but you might not pay for it? That just makes no sense.
Flood #3. We were supposed to be able to start IUI back this month however, now because of having the surgeries, this has to be put off until at least September.
Flood #4. Ok, this one was expected however, it really just adds onto the sucky part of everything else. We are fixing to get our big huge whopping bill of $1,100 just for blood work from our donor. $1,100 for blood work is totally and utterly ridiculous.
Flood #5. We had been saying for a while that my car had been acting really funky and we really needed a new car. The car would shake if you started going too fast, the speedometer worked off and on, the cruise control was random when it would work. Well, one day at work, I was going out for lunch but to only find out that I wouldn't be able to go out for lunch because my car wouldn't move. I called Trent and he came to my work to get it. He got it running just barely enough to make it home. Thank God his parents was in Columbia and was able to follow him home. When he took it to get it looked at, we found out that with 8 codes that pulled up on the computer, all of them were dealing with the transmission. We later find out that the fuel pump was also going out. We were then at that point faced with no choice but to go buy a car. We luckily got a steal on the car that we found and was able get a newer vehicle with fairly low mileage and the car payments right where we wanted them. I got a 2011 Chevy Malibu that had only 23,000 miles on it. We had wanted as low miles as possible because I am ALWAYS on the road. We had found another Malibu with only 12,000 miles on it at a different lot but they didn't work with us like the place did that we got the car. The whole car issue was one heck of a stressor on us because the car lot was absolutely crazy and worked a deal with us, gave us trade in on my car without seeing it or anything. We signed the papers and left the lot with our new car. When we left, we was supposed to be taking my old Kia back up to them that afternoon since that was now there car that they had already signed papers on, traded in and everything. Well, this whole ordeal was MUCH worse than I am going to make it out to be on here but lets just sum it up to say that when we got home to take the Kia to them, the Kia WOULD NOT start. Oh boy, what was we to do then. Well, our mechanic (which is Trent's friend that graduated high school with him) came to our house looked around for a minute and then instructed us to go get a hammer. He then proceeded to beat on the gas tank with it. Well, what do you know, the car started on up. This is when we found out it wasn't only the transmission but it was also the fuel pump. At this point, the car lot that we had just bought the new car from was going to be closed before we could get it up to them. Trent had to call the guy who sold it to us which luckily him and his dad knew and tell him we was running late that it would be tomorrow before we could get it there. Our mechanic said that it should start on up tomorrow when we was supposed to take it to the car lot but if it didn't, just beat the gas tank with the hammer and take it on up there. Well, the next morning, thank God, it started and Trent got rid of that sucker as quickly as he could. One the way up there, low and behold the dern ol' check engine light came on. When he got there, he told the guy that sold it to us and he said he didn't care, he wasn't the one that bought the car from us. lol. Poor car lot, they really got screwed in the deal but after all, that is there own fault for making a deal with someone and letting them sign papers and everything before even looking at a vehicle they are letting someone trade in. Needless to say, they got screwed and we basically stole our new car.
Flood #6. People wonder why we can NEVER get over the constant battle with infertility. Well, lets just put it this way. Imagine you COULD NOT have children and 3 people in your family was pregnant and not to mention another one just had a child almost 3 months ago. This is people in my family alone. This is not everyone I know that is pregnant or just had a child for that matter. It is a constant battle with us that we will NEVER be able to escape. As much as people want to claim they understand what we are going through, in reality, they will NEVER understand unless they have went through our EXACT situation. So many people claim to understand when they have children, are pregnant, or not even trying. How can you say you understand when you truly have no clue. To be honest, it is very offensive and has left a lot of hurt feelings with me and Trent both when people try to claim they know what we are experiencing. I am honestly not trying to be harsh but realistic. I don't care what your job/career is, school, job, training or nothing like that will ever prepare you for what it is like to deal with infertility. I don't care what your life experiences is. You still don't know what it is like to struggle with what we have struggled with. The things and reasonings in why people know what we are going through that we have heard in the past, just never cease to amaze me. Yes, some may experience other things that may give you a SLIGHT glimpse of what we are going through but in reality, it is NOTHING like what we have experienced. Fact is, no one that I personally know to this point has ever or will ever have to go through the trouble that we have had to go through and continue to struggle with.
The last flood that I can think of is Flood #7. On Sunday night / Monday, Trent had one of his crazy sickness episodes. It started with the pressure in his stomach as always and then all into the night he struggled with his nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea (N/V/D). We both took off Monday due to being up all night and not getting any sleep. Normally when he does the whole N/V/D he normally passes a kidney stone a couple days later. Well, his back was hurting yesterday but no kidney stone is passed yet. Bless his heart. I absolutely HATE it when he goes through this sick spell. I swear he is so dang pitiful when he gets so sick. I have honest to God never seen someone get as sick as he does when he gets this crazy stuff.
EDIT*** There has been 2 more floods that we just remembered.
Flood #8 Last week, Trent also had to go to the doctor because he had gotten into some Poison Oak which he is highly allergic too. He also had some other type of breakout at the same time which we have no clue what it was and neither did the doctor. It is slowly but surely getting better even though he still has to keep itch cream on it.
Flood #9 Our push mower has officially also died on us so we have to get a new one.
All of this stuff has happened over just about a 2 month time frame. As you can see, we have had a lot of crap happening to us lately. It seems like it is something never ending with us. It always happens where it is a lot at once or nothing at all. Saying all of this, I am so very grateful that I have my wonderful hubby to go through life with. I absolutely could not imagine life without him. He is absolutely the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and knows just how to make me feel better when I am down or sad or anything. Speaking of him knowing just how to make everything better. The other day, I was kind of sulking and frustrated with everything going on and he said to me "I love you" as he pats my leg. "We have love, thats all we really need! Right?" Boy, oh Boy, my hubby really knows how to work my heart.
Even though we have had a TON going on, I really can't complain. Life is truly going good for us even though its hectic. We have good health, a roof over our head, an AMAZING marriage, a happy life, food on the table (too much of it), jobs, wonderful family and friends who love us and support us in all of our journeys, etc. My list could go on and on. Even though we have life struggles, I am truly blessed. I am so grateful to God for all of his wonderful blessings in my life.
Another EDIT*** I also feel the need to say Thank You so much again to those who have been so very loving and supportive to us. Those of you who have, know who you are and it truly means the world to us. I know sometimes I may make it sound like we don't get support and it's only discouraging when people try to act like they understand but I just wanted to say I don't thank those enough who truly deserve it so THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottoms of our hearts.
I will steal this recent quote from my dad to end this blog with. "What if you only had what you thanked GOD for?"
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Do You Have Anything to Praise God for?
BEWARE: VERY LONG STORY AHEAD!!!
In church today, Brother Mickey started the sermon talking about how hard this week has been. There has been a lot of hospital visits and it had just been a difficult week. He then went on to say no matter how bad our week has been or how difficult life can be sometimes, Do you have anything you can praise God for?
Well, as I apply the sermon to my life, I just want to sum up what our week has been like as far as difficulty wise and things we have to Praise God for. First, let me throw out a few names here for you and tell you who these people are so hopefully my story will make a little bit of sense. There are several names involved in which it gets very very confusing so I hope I don't loose everyone in this conversation.
Amber = as everyone knows, this is my sister
Angela = someone my sister used to work with and be really good friends with however, I don't really know her. Never met her just have heard Amber talk about her.
Racheal = someone else my sister used to work with and be really good friends with. She also worked with Angela at one point.
Denise = a woman who works with Angela which me nor my sister either one knows
So, here is the story. Tuesday early afternoon, I was at work doing a couple things and I got a call from my sister. She asked me if I had a minute and told me she needed to talk to me about something very important. Just by the sound of her voice, I could tell it was something very serious and I immediately started to tear up. I don't know how or why, but I almost immediately got a gut feeling it was something to do with a baby and that I would really really want to hear. She continued on to tell me that she got a call from Angela which says that there is a woman she works with (Denise) that got a call saying that there was a young girl about 21 years old that has a baby girl that was a couple months old and the girl was wanting to sign over rights to the child and give it up for adoption. The girl was just young and wanted to live her life. The girl had also previously had another child that she had given up for adoption. This made me feel good because I knew the girl had been through it previously therefore, if everything worked out, I knew the chances of her coming back on us and trying to get the baby would be less likely. Amber then said Denise had asked Angela for my phone number and that's when she called Amber so she could get it. Amber told her not until she had talked to me to make sure it was ok. I told Amber to go ahead and give them my number that I would be MORE than happy to talk to them. I immediately got off the phone and tried to call Trent because I was busting out the seams with possible excitement that all of our prayers could be answered. Well, Trent was working that day and wouldn't you know he was very busy and unable to talk to me for several hours. My mind was going nuts not being able to talk to him about it. Now, let me back track a little before I finish the story. I said it could be answered prayers. My prayers have honest to God been that God knows what his plans are for us and if it was not in his plans for us to have a child that he Please take the desire to be a mother away from me so that I don't live in torture the rest of my life grieving this child that we will never have. I also prayed that if it is in Gods plan for us to have a child that he either just allow us to get pregnant or he just drops another child in our laps as it happened before. (as we all know, the possible adoption in the past was just horrible timing as it was only about 2 weeks after finding out we absolutely couldn't reproduce. It was obviously just not meant to be or it would have all worked out)
Now, on with the story. It wasn't about 15 minutes after me and Amber got off the phone that Denise called me. She gave me what little information she knew about the girl and the baby and also told me how she got involved and knew about the baby. A relative to the baby's mother knew Denise for many years and knew that Denise was unable to have children herself therefore called Denise and told her the mother was wanting to give the child up for adoption and asked her if she would possibly want to adopt it. Denise is a little older and said that she was unable to do it at this point and time in life. Denise then turned around and asked Angela if she would want to adopt it. Well, Angela is already in the midst of adopting 2 kids right now therefore it just wasn't a good time for her either to adopt another baby. Angela then turned around and called Racheal. Racheal has always wanted a baby girl. Well, Racheal then said it just wasn't the right time and she couldn't adopt a baby right now either however, reminded her of "Amber's sister". Angela then remembered about our situation and told Denise about us which in turn ended up being how Denise called me. I know, I know, huge long drawn out situation. Denise had told me about the previous baby that is now 2 years old. The mother had placed it up for adoption and said the mother was basically forced to because at 6 months old, she had been starving the baby and with this one, she was just ready to sign over papers and give it up. She said it was a couple months old and she would call the mothers family member that night and get more information and find out more as far as the dad is concerned. Is he in the picture? Is he also willing to sign over rights? She told me that after she talked to the family, she would call me back either that night or the next day. Well, a couple hours went by and I still had not talked to Trent. Talk about going nuts!!! I could not believe we were being faced with another adoption falling in our laps and I just couldn't tell Trent about it. A few hours later, he called me back and I got to tell him about it. I think a sense of excitement also came over him and we were very anxious to hear back from Denise to get more information.
I want to back up in my story again to say that as I had previously mentioned, when the other adoption fell in our laps, it just was not the right timing. We did struggle though with if it wasn't the right thing to do then, why would God allow this baby just to fall in our laps. Once we turned down that adoption, we knew it was the right thing however said that if God allowed it to happen again, obviously, it was most likely just meant to be. Obviously, we would not just jump into it. We would pray about it and it would have to be right but if everything was right, it was going to happen. After I talked to Trent, we just couldn't believe it was happening again. We both felt that maybe God just has bigger and better plans for us than carrying a child ourselves.
Back to the story. But first I will warn you that this could possibly be offensive to some. It in no way, shape, form, or fashion will be meant to be offensive however, it just depends on your views on things. I will try my best to explain our feelings as true as possible and hopefully our views will be fully understood. Now, Just as I was getting off work, around 4:35, Denise called me. She said "Will it matter to ya'll if the child is possibly biracial?" I couldn't do anything but sit there quiet for a second not knowing exactly how to respond. She said "Are you still there?" I then stuttered and told her that I was really unsure of how to answer that question that it could quiet possibly make a difference in our decision however, we still wanted absolutely all the information we could possibly get. She said she didn't know yet for sure if it was biracial or not but it was defiantly a possibility. She also told me at that point that the child was not just a couple months old, it was 5 or 6 months old. She then re assured me that she would be calling back that night or Wednesday (the next day) to let us know all the information she got. Now, here is our take on a biracial child. We have REALLY mixed feelings on this. We fully believe every child deserves a wonderful loving home that will take care of him or her. They did not ask to be brought into this world therefore they should not have to suffer and be parentless/homeless because of something that they did not ask for. On the same hand, we know that society could make it VERY difficult on the child having 2 white parents. There are so many different things to factor into this situation. I think we had pretty much made the decision that if the child was biracial, that it would be a no go. We are totally up for the challenge of explaining the route we are taking of "Known donor" to our child, we are totally up for explaining adoption to our child however, we feel at this point that having a biracial child just might be a little more than we feel we can handle.
All night Tuesday and all day Wednesday, we were very anxious to hear back from Denise as she said she would be calling. Well, wouldn't you know that Wednesday passed and we never heard from her. We had said we didn't want to be harassing so didn't want to bother her but we were curious on some facts so we would call her at some point Thursday if we hadn't heard from her.
Now, let me also back up and throw something else in here that ties in with the story. A couple of months ago, me and Trent had talked about our name getting out there more to people and the possibility of another adoption falling into our laps. We had decided that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and see a lawyer when we can just to have him on standby and also see what our exact steps need to be. We had said it was nothing we would get in a rush for however, we needed to do it when possible. We kinda thought what was the likely hood of another falling in our laps but best to be prepared just in case. Well, of course, time got by us and we had not seen a lawyer yet. When I had talked to Trent about Denise calling and this new adoption falling in our laps, we both agreed, maybe we needed to go ahead and call the lawyer we are going to use and meet with him ASAP in case all of this worked out. We got an appointment for Thursday and met with him. Everything went well and we got lots of good information for if this does happen and also if it doesn't happen, what would need to be our steps when we do pursue adoption full force. After meeting with the lawyer, we decided to go ahead and call Denise. When I called her, she said that she had just got a call from the mothers family member and had to call her back but was getting ready to go to a meeting for work and would call them back afterwards and then would call us back when she got off the phone with them. When she called us back, she informed us that she would continue to keep us in mind if she hears of anything at all however, the mother has decided to keep the child herself for now. Denise said this is what she done with her last child that she still felt like the mother would eventually give the child up but for now, she is keeping it. We still don't know if the baby was biracial or not but obviously, this baby was just not in Gods plan for us.
Even though, we have had 2 adoptions to fall into our laps, 1 we turned down by choice and the other one not being by our choice, it really leads me to feel even stronger than ever that God's plan for us is much bigger than we could have ever imagined. I feel more and more, that God's plan for us is to extend our family by adoption. Only God knows his plans for us but I do have faith that God will continue to pull us through this nasty journey that we are on. Again I say as I have said many times before, this journey is not a chosen journey and no one wants to choose a journey like this. I will never regret this journey that we have been faced with as it was obviously Gods plan for us and it has only made us stronger. If that was even possible. This journey will also make us be better parents and appreciate parenthood much more than could ever be imagined.
I am honestly taken the adoption falling through much better than expected. I cried over turning down the first adoption but with this one, I am at peace. Trent is also doing well with it. He still somewhat wonders about the fact if it was biracial or not. If we had known that it was not biracial, I think it would be a little more difficult on Trent. He took this adoption much better than the first. With the first, it didn't feel right to him however, on this one, he has been at peace and very calm about it all. We were both very anxious for things to happen as we felt this all sounded very promising in the beginning however, again, it was just not God's plan for us. I do feel like we got the call for a reason but it was just not for that child to be ours. Only God knows what will happen and when we will be blessed with a child. After talking with the lawyer, even though this adoption has fell through, I do believe, we will be getting a home study done before long just to be prepared for IF another adoption falls in our laps and is the real thing or for when we are truly ready to start the adoption process full force. Until then, we should most likely be starting IUI's back towards the end of July or beginning of August. We will use the rest of the vials we have available which means we have 5 more tries of IUI. Until we are finished with all of our vials, we will wait for an adoption to fall into our laps or for us to become pregnant ourselves. I say which ever one happens first, is obviously God's wonderful plan for our family. If this does not happen, we will pursue adoption full force.
We look forward to the day that God blesses us with a child and we can finally become the parents that we have longed to be for so very very long.
Now, in saying all of this and telling how our week has been, even though it has been a difficult week and even though life has been horribly difficult over the past 3 years of trying to have a child, we have a TON to Praise God for. We serve a wonderful God Almighty which died for us to save us from our sins. If you are a follower of Christ, you will ALWAYS have something to Praise God for. That in itself is enough to praise the Lord for, however, we are blessed with good health, a WONDERFUL Marriage in which I could not ask for nothing more. We are blessed to be part of such an amazing Church and church family. We both have amazing, loving, supportive families that are always by our sides when we need them. We have a roof over our heads. We are blessed with more food than we need. Even though we don't have kids of our own, we are blessed with a sweet little handsome nephew Colton and a beautiful baby niece Kellen. The list could simply go on and on. Thank God for your blessings for we serve an Almighty God!
In church today, Brother Mickey started the sermon talking about how hard this week has been. There has been a lot of hospital visits and it had just been a difficult week. He then went on to say no matter how bad our week has been or how difficult life can be sometimes, Do you have anything you can praise God for?
Well, as I apply the sermon to my life, I just want to sum up what our week has been like as far as difficulty wise and things we have to Praise God for. First, let me throw out a few names here for you and tell you who these people are so hopefully my story will make a little bit of sense. There are several names involved in which it gets very very confusing so I hope I don't loose everyone in this conversation.
Amber = as everyone knows, this is my sister
Angela = someone my sister used to work with and be really good friends with however, I don't really know her. Never met her just have heard Amber talk about her.
Racheal = someone else my sister used to work with and be really good friends with. She also worked with Angela at one point.
Denise = a woman who works with Angela which me nor my sister either one knows
So, here is the story. Tuesday early afternoon, I was at work doing a couple things and I got a call from my sister. She asked me if I had a minute and told me she needed to talk to me about something very important. Just by the sound of her voice, I could tell it was something very serious and I immediately started to tear up. I don't know how or why, but I almost immediately got a gut feeling it was something to do with a baby and that I would really really want to hear. She continued on to tell me that she got a call from Angela which says that there is a woman she works with (Denise) that got a call saying that there was a young girl about 21 years old that has a baby girl that was a couple months old and the girl was wanting to sign over rights to the child and give it up for adoption. The girl was just young and wanted to live her life. The girl had also previously had another child that she had given up for adoption. This made me feel good because I knew the girl had been through it previously therefore, if everything worked out, I knew the chances of her coming back on us and trying to get the baby would be less likely. Amber then said Denise had asked Angela for my phone number and that's when she called Amber so she could get it. Amber told her not until she had talked to me to make sure it was ok. I told Amber to go ahead and give them my number that I would be MORE than happy to talk to them. I immediately got off the phone and tried to call Trent because I was busting out the seams with possible excitement that all of our prayers could be answered. Well, Trent was working that day and wouldn't you know he was very busy and unable to talk to me for several hours. My mind was going nuts not being able to talk to him about it. Now, let me back track a little before I finish the story. I said it could be answered prayers. My prayers have honest to God been that God knows what his plans are for us and if it was not in his plans for us to have a child that he Please take the desire to be a mother away from me so that I don't live in torture the rest of my life grieving this child that we will never have. I also prayed that if it is in Gods plan for us to have a child that he either just allow us to get pregnant or he just drops another child in our laps as it happened before. (as we all know, the possible adoption in the past was just horrible timing as it was only about 2 weeks after finding out we absolutely couldn't reproduce. It was obviously just not meant to be or it would have all worked out)
Now, on with the story. It wasn't about 15 minutes after me and Amber got off the phone that Denise called me. She gave me what little information she knew about the girl and the baby and also told me how she got involved and knew about the baby. A relative to the baby's mother knew Denise for many years and knew that Denise was unable to have children herself therefore called Denise and told her the mother was wanting to give the child up for adoption and asked her if she would possibly want to adopt it. Denise is a little older and said that she was unable to do it at this point and time in life. Denise then turned around and asked Angela if she would want to adopt it. Well, Angela is already in the midst of adopting 2 kids right now therefore it just wasn't a good time for her either to adopt another baby. Angela then turned around and called Racheal. Racheal has always wanted a baby girl. Well, Racheal then said it just wasn't the right time and she couldn't adopt a baby right now either however, reminded her of "Amber's sister". Angela then remembered about our situation and told Denise about us which in turn ended up being how Denise called me. I know, I know, huge long drawn out situation. Denise had told me about the previous baby that is now 2 years old. The mother had placed it up for adoption and said the mother was basically forced to because at 6 months old, she had been starving the baby and with this one, she was just ready to sign over papers and give it up. She said it was a couple months old and she would call the mothers family member that night and get more information and find out more as far as the dad is concerned. Is he in the picture? Is he also willing to sign over rights? She told me that after she talked to the family, she would call me back either that night or the next day. Well, a couple hours went by and I still had not talked to Trent. Talk about going nuts!!! I could not believe we were being faced with another adoption falling in our laps and I just couldn't tell Trent about it. A few hours later, he called me back and I got to tell him about it. I think a sense of excitement also came over him and we were very anxious to hear back from Denise to get more information.
I want to back up in my story again to say that as I had previously mentioned, when the other adoption fell in our laps, it just was not the right timing. We did struggle though with if it wasn't the right thing to do then, why would God allow this baby just to fall in our laps. Once we turned down that adoption, we knew it was the right thing however said that if God allowed it to happen again, obviously, it was most likely just meant to be. Obviously, we would not just jump into it. We would pray about it and it would have to be right but if everything was right, it was going to happen. After I talked to Trent, we just couldn't believe it was happening again. We both felt that maybe God just has bigger and better plans for us than carrying a child ourselves.
Back to the story. But first I will warn you that this could possibly be offensive to some. It in no way, shape, form, or fashion will be meant to be offensive however, it just depends on your views on things. I will try my best to explain our feelings as true as possible and hopefully our views will be fully understood. Now, Just as I was getting off work, around 4:35, Denise called me. She said "Will it matter to ya'll if the child is possibly biracial?" I couldn't do anything but sit there quiet for a second not knowing exactly how to respond. She said "Are you still there?" I then stuttered and told her that I was really unsure of how to answer that question that it could quiet possibly make a difference in our decision however, we still wanted absolutely all the information we could possibly get. She said she didn't know yet for sure if it was biracial or not but it was defiantly a possibility. She also told me at that point that the child was not just a couple months old, it was 5 or 6 months old. She then re assured me that she would be calling back that night or Wednesday (the next day) to let us know all the information she got. Now, here is our take on a biracial child. We have REALLY mixed feelings on this. We fully believe every child deserves a wonderful loving home that will take care of him or her. They did not ask to be brought into this world therefore they should not have to suffer and be parentless/homeless because of something that they did not ask for. On the same hand, we know that society could make it VERY difficult on the child having 2 white parents. There are so many different things to factor into this situation. I think we had pretty much made the decision that if the child was biracial, that it would be a no go. We are totally up for the challenge of explaining the route we are taking of "Known donor" to our child, we are totally up for explaining adoption to our child however, we feel at this point that having a biracial child just might be a little more than we feel we can handle.
All night Tuesday and all day Wednesday, we were very anxious to hear back from Denise as she said she would be calling. Well, wouldn't you know that Wednesday passed and we never heard from her. We had said we didn't want to be harassing so didn't want to bother her but we were curious on some facts so we would call her at some point Thursday if we hadn't heard from her.
Now, let me also back up and throw something else in here that ties in with the story. A couple of months ago, me and Trent had talked about our name getting out there more to people and the possibility of another adoption falling into our laps. We had decided that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and see a lawyer when we can just to have him on standby and also see what our exact steps need to be. We had said it was nothing we would get in a rush for however, we needed to do it when possible. We kinda thought what was the likely hood of another falling in our laps but best to be prepared just in case. Well, of course, time got by us and we had not seen a lawyer yet. When I had talked to Trent about Denise calling and this new adoption falling in our laps, we both agreed, maybe we needed to go ahead and call the lawyer we are going to use and meet with him ASAP in case all of this worked out. We got an appointment for Thursday and met with him. Everything went well and we got lots of good information for if this does happen and also if it doesn't happen, what would need to be our steps when we do pursue adoption full force. After meeting with the lawyer, we decided to go ahead and call Denise. When I called her, she said that she had just got a call from the mothers family member and had to call her back but was getting ready to go to a meeting for work and would call them back afterwards and then would call us back when she got off the phone with them. When she called us back, she informed us that she would continue to keep us in mind if she hears of anything at all however, the mother has decided to keep the child herself for now. Denise said this is what she done with her last child that she still felt like the mother would eventually give the child up but for now, she is keeping it. We still don't know if the baby was biracial or not but obviously, this baby was just not in Gods plan for us.
Even though, we have had 2 adoptions to fall into our laps, 1 we turned down by choice and the other one not being by our choice, it really leads me to feel even stronger than ever that God's plan for us is much bigger than we could have ever imagined. I feel more and more, that God's plan for us is to extend our family by adoption. Only God knows his plans for us but I do have faith that God will continue to pull us through this nasty journey that we are on. Again I say as I have said many times before, this journey is not a chosen journey and no one wants to choose a journey like this. I will never regret this journey that we have been faced with as it was obviously Gods plan for us and it has only made us stronger. If that was even possible. This journey will also make us be better parents and appreciate parenthood much more than could ever be imagined.
I am honestly taken the adoption falling through much better than expected. I cried over turning down the first adoption but with this one, I am at peace. Trent is also doing well with it. He still somewhat wonders about the fact if it was biracial or not. If we had known that it was not biracial, I think it would be a little more difficult on Trent. He took this adoption much better than the first. With the first, it didn't feel right to him however, on this one, he has been at peace and very calm about it all. We were both very anxious for things to happen as we felt this all sounded very promising in the beginning however, again, it was just not God's plan for us. I do feel like we got the call for a reason but it was just not for that child to be ours. Only God knows what will happen and when we will be blessed with a child. After talking with the lawyer, even though this adoption has fell through, I do believe, we will be getting a home study done before long just to be prepared for IF another adoption falls in our laps and is the real thing or for when we are truly ready to start the adoption process full force. Until then, we should most likely be starting IUI's back towards the end of July or beginning of August. We will use the rest of the vials we have available which means we have 5 more tries of IUI. Until we are finished with all of our vials, we will wait for an adoption to fall into our laps or for us to become pregnant ourselves. I say which ever one happens first, is obviously God's wonderful plan for our family. If this does not happen, we will pursue adoption full force.
We look forward to the day that God blesses us with a child and we can finally become the parents that we have longed to be for so very very long.
Now, in saying all of this and telling how our week has been, even though it has been a difficult week and even though life has been horribly difficult over the past 3 years of trying to have a child, we have a TON to Praise God for. We serve a wonderful God Almighty which died for us to save us from our sins. If you are a follower of Christ, you will ALWAYS have something to Praise God for. That in itself is enough to praise the Lord for, however, we are blessed with good health, a WONDERFUL Marriage in which I could not ask for nothing more. We are blessed to be part of such an amazing Church and church family. We both have amazing, loving, supportive families that are always by our sides when we need them. We have a roof over our heads. We are blessed with more food than we need. Even though we don't have kids of our own, we are blessed with a sweet little handsome nephew Colton and a beautiful baby niece Kellen. The list could simply go on and on. Thank God for your blessings for we serve an Almighty God!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
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