Do You Have Anything to Praise God for?

BEWARE: VERY LONG STORY AHEAD!!!

In church today, Brother Mickey started the sermon talking about how hard this week has been.  There has been a lot of hospital visits and it had just been a difficult week.  He then went on to say no matter how bad our week has been or how difficult life can be sometimes, Do you have anything you can praise God for?

Well, as I apply the sermon to my life, I just want to sum up what our week has been like as far as difficulty wise and things we have to Praise God for.  First, let me throw out a few names here for you and tell you who these people are so hopefully my story will make a little bit of sense.  There are several names involved in which it gets very very confusing so I hope I don't loose everyone in this conversation.

Amber = as everyone knows, this is my sister
Angela = someone my sister used to work with and be really good friends with however, I don't really know her.  Never met her just have heard Amber talk about her.
Racheal = someone else my sister used to work with and be really good friends with.  She also worked with Angela at one point.
Denise = a woman who works with Angela which me nor my sister either one knows

So, here is the story.  Tuesday early afternoon, I was at work doing a couple things and I got a call from my sister.  She asked me if I had a minute and told me she needed to talk to me about something very important.  Just by the sound of her voice, I could tell it was something very serious and I immediately started to tear up.  I don't know how or why, but I almost immediately got a gut feeling it was something to do with a baby and that I would really really want to hear.  She continued on to tell me that she got a call from Angela which says that there is a woman she works with (Denise) that got a call saying that there was a young girl about 21 years old that has a baby girl that was a couple months old and the girl was wanting to sign over rights to the child and give it up for adoption.  The girl was just young and wanted to live her life.  The girl had also previously had another child that she had given up for adoption.  This made me feel good because I knew the girl had been through it previously therefore, if everything worked out, I knew the chances of her coming back on us and trying to get the baby would be less likely.  Amber then said Denise had asked Angela for my phone number and that's when she called Amber so she could get it.  Amber told her not until she had talked to me to make sure it was ok.  I told Amber to go ahead and give them my number that I would be MORE than happy to talk to them.  I immediately got off the phone and tried to call Trent because I was busting out the seams with possible excitement that all of our prayers could be answered.  Well, Trent was working that day and wouldn't you know he was very busy and unable to talk to me for several hours.  My mind was going nuts not being able to talk to him about it.  Now, let me back track a little before I finish the story.  I said it could be answered prayers.  My prayers have honest to God been that God knows what his plans are for us and if it was not in his plans for us to have a child that he Please take the desire to be a mother away from me so that I don't live in torture the rest of my life grieving this child that we will never have.  I also prayed that if it is in Gods plan for us to have a child that he either just allow us to get pregnant or he just drops another child in our laps as it happened before.  (as we all know, the possible adoption in the past was just horrible timing as it was only about 2 weeks after finding out we absolutely couldn't reproduce.  It was obviously just not meant to be or it would have all worked out)

Now, on with the story.  It wasn't about 15 minutes after me and Amber got off the phone that Denise called me.  She gave me what little information she knew about the girl and the baby and also told me how she got involved and knew about the baby.  A relative to the baby's mother knew Denise for many years and knew that Denise was unable to have children herself therefore called Denise and told her the mother was wanting to give the child up for adoption and asked her if she would possibly want to adopt it.  Denise is a little older and said that she was unable to do it at this point and time in life.  Denise then turned around and asked Angela if she would want to adopt it.  Well, Angela is already in the midst of adopting 2 kids right now therefore it just wasn't a good time for her either to adopt another baby.  Angela then turned around and called Racheal.  Racheal has always wanted a baby girl.  Well, Racheal then said it just wasn't the right time and she couldn't adopt a baby right now either however, reminded her of "Amber's sister".  Angela then remembered about our situation and told Denise about us which in turn ended up being how Denise called me.  I know, I know, huge long drawn out situation.  Denise had told me about the previous baby that is now 2 years old.  The mother had placed it up for adoption and said the mother was basically forced to because at 6 months old, she had been starving the baby and with this one, she was just ready to sign over papers and give it up.  She said it was a couple months old and she would call the mothers family member that night and get more information and find out more as far as the dad is concerned.  Is he in the picture?  Is he also willing to sign over rights?  She told me that after she talked to the family, she would call me back either that night or the next day.  Well, a couple hours went by and I still had not talked to Trent.  Talk about going nuts!!!  I could not believe we were being faced with another adoption falling in our laps and I just couldn't tell Trent about it.  A few hours later, he called me back and I got to tell him about it.  I think a sense of excitement also came over him and we were very anxious to hear back from Denise to get more information. 

I want to back up in my story again to say that as I had previously mentioned, when the other adoption fell in our laps, it just was not the right timing.  We did struggle though with if it wasn't the right thing to do then, why would God allow this baby just to fall in our laps.  Once we turned down that adoption, we knew it was the right thing however said that if God allowed it to happen again, obviously, it was most likely just meant to be.  Obviously, we would not just jump into it.  We would pray about it and it would have to be right but if everything was right, it was going to happen.  After I talked to Trent, we just couldn't believe it was happening again.  We both felt that maybe God just has bigger and better plans for us than carrying a child ourselves.

Back to the story.  But first I will warn you that this could possibly be offensive to some.  It in no way, shape, form, or fashion will be meant to be offensive however, it just depends on your views on things.  I will try my best to explain our feelings as true as possible and hopefully our views will be fully understood.  Now, Just as I was getting off work, around 4:35, Denise called me.  She said "Will it matter to ya'll if the child is possibly biracial?"  I couldn't do anything but sit there quiet for a second not knowing exactly how to respond.  She said "Are you still there?"  I then stuttered and told her that I was really unsure of how to answer that question that it could quiet possibly make a difference in our decision however, we still wanted absolutely all the information we could possibly get.  She said she didn't know yet for sure if it was biracial or not but it was defiantly a possibility.  She also told me at that point that the child was not just a couple months old, it was 5 or 6 months old.  She then re assured me that she would be calling back that night or Wednesday (the next day) to let us know all the information she got.  Now, here is our take on a biracial child.  We have REALLY mixed feelings on this.  We fully believe every child deserves a wonderful loving home that will take care of him or her.  They did not ask to be brought into this world therefore they should not have to suffer and be parentless/homeless because of something that they did not ask for.  On the same hand, we know that society could make it VERY difficult on the child having 2 white parents.  There are so many different things to factor into this situation.  I think we had pretty much made the decision that if the child was biracial, that it would be a no go.  We are totally up for the challenge of explaining the route we are taking of "Known donor" to our child, we are totally up for explaining adoption to our child however, we feel at this point that having a biracial child just might be a little more than we feel we can handle.

All night Tuesday and all day Wednesday, we were very anxious to hear back from Denise as she said she would be calling.  Well, wouldn't you know that Wednesday passed and we never heard from her.  We had said we didn't want to be harassing so didn't want to bother her but we were curious on some facts so we would call her at some point Thursday if we hadn't heard from her.

Now, let me also back up and throw something else in here that ties in with the story.  A couple of months ago, me and Trent had talked about our name getting out there more to people and the possibility of another adoption falling into our laps.  We had decided that it would probably be a good idea to go ahead and see a lawyer when we can just to have him on standby and also see what our exact steps need to be.  We had said it was nothing we would get in a rush for however, we needed to do it when possible.  We kinda thought what was the likely hood of another falling in our laps but best to be prepared just in case.  Well, of course, time got by us and we had not seen a lawyer yet.  When I had talked to Trent about Denise calling and this new adoption falling in our laps, we both agreed, maybe we needed to go ahead and call the lawyer we are going to use and meet with him ASAP in case all of this worked out. We got an appointment for Thursday and met with him.  Everything went well and we got lots of good information for if this does happen and also if it doesn't happen, what would need to be our steps when we do pursue adoption full force.  After meeting with the lawyer, we decided to go ahead and call Denise.  When I called her, she said that she had just got a call from the mothers family member and had to call her back but was getting ready to go to a meeting for work and would call them back afterwards and then would call us back when she got off the phone with them.  When she called us back, she informed us that she would continue to keep us in mind if she hears of anything at all however, the mother has decided to keep the child herself for now.  Denise said this is what she done with her last child that she still felt like the mother would eventually give the child up but for now, she is keeping it.  We still don't know if the baby was biracial or not but obviously, this baby was just not in Gods plan for us.

Even though, we have had 2 adoptions to fall into our laps, 1 we turned down by choice and the other one not being by our choice, it really leads me to feel even stronger than ever that God's plan for us is much bigger than we could have ever imagined.  I feel more and more, that God's plan for us is to extend our family by adoption.  Only God knows his plans for us but I do have faith that God will continue to pull us through this nasty journey that we are on.  Again I say as I have said many times before, this journey is not a chosen journey and no one wants to choose a journey like this.  I will never regret this journey that we have been faced with as it was obviously Gods plan for us and it has only made us stronger.  If that was even possible.  This journey will also make us be better parents and appreciate parenthood much more than could ever be imagined. 

I am honestly taken the adoption falling through much better than expected.  I cried over turning down the first adoption but with this one, I am at peace.  Trent is also doing well with it.  He still somewhat wonders about the fact if it was biracial or not.  If we had known that it was not biracial, I think it would be a little more difficult on Trent.  He took this adoption much better than the first.  With the first, it didn't feel right to him however, on this one, he has been at peace and very calm about it all.  We were both very anxious for things to happen as we felt this all sounded very promising in the beginning however, again, it was just not God's plan for us.  I do feel like we got the call for a reason but it was just not for that child to be ours.  Only God knows what will happen and when we will be blessed with a child.  After talking with the lawyer, even though this adoption has fell through, I do believe, we will be getting a home study done before long just to be prepared for IF another adoption falls in our laps and is the real thing or for when we are truly ready to start the adoption process full force.  Until then, we should most likely be starting IUI's back towards the end of July or beginning of August.  We will use the rest of the vials we have available which means we have 5 more tries of IUI.  Until we are finished with all of our vials, we will wait for an adoption to fall into our laps or for us to become pregnant ourselves.  I say which ever one happens first, is obviously God's wonderful plan for our family.  If this does not happen, we will pursue adoption full force. 

We look forward to the day that God blesses us with a child and we can finally become the parents that we have longed to be for so very very long. 

Now, in saying all of this and telling how our week has been, even though it has been a difficult week and even though life has been horribly difficult over the past 3 years of trying to have a child, we have a TON to Praise God for.  We serve a wonderful God Almighty which died for us to save us from our sins.  If you are a follower of Christ, you will ALWAYS have something to Praise God for.  That in itself is enough to praise the Lord for, however, we are blessed with good health, a WONDERFUL Marriage in which I could not ask for nothing more.  We are blessed to be part of such an amazing Church and church family.  We both have amazing, loving, supportive families that are always by our sides when we need them.  We have a roof over our heads.  We are blessed with more food than we need.  Even though we don't have kids of our own, we are blessed with a sweet little handsome nephew Colton and a beautiful baby niece Kellen.  The list could simply go on and on.  Thank God for your blessings for we serve an Almighty God!

National Infertility Month

April was National Infertility Month so I am a little late posting this however, I feel the need to just express stuff as Infertility is a never ending thing.  So first I want to start with something that I saw on facebook.

 

Did you know while you are at home sound asleep in your bed with your child asleep down the hall from you there is a woman somewhere who just took a pregnancy test who is hoping and praying that this might finally be the one; there's a woman somewhere crying herself to sleep because she took that pregnancy test today and the answer was another negative; another couple is crying themselves to sleep... because the doctor told them that they miscarried their child; birth parents have backed out on adoptive parents leaving them with an empty nursery; a couple has decided after numerous attempts that they can no longer afford the financial burdens and they will go on in life without children. Think of this as you hold your child in your arms, get them ready for school, cut the crusts off their bread. All these things you take for granted.......there's someone out there who would give anything just to have just 1 little sweet bundle of joy. What you consider a headache is someone else's miracle. Think of that the next time you want to throw your arms up in frustration. You really are much more lucky than you realize!

 

Now, I am probably going totally out of line for saying what I am fixing to say however, I am gonna say it anyways.  As I never in a million years imagined experiencing infertility, I never in a million years would have ever known what those people experiencing infertility felt like.  All I want to throw out there is something for you all who are pregnant or have kids to think about.  Even though you will still NEVER fully understand what it is like, maybe if you look at it in this aspect, it will maybe bring a little bit of reality to you.

 

That sweet baby that is making you sick, that sweet baby you feel kicking and you see that ultrasound and their heartbeat, that sweet baby that you are giving a bottle, that sweet baby you are rocking to sleep, just imagine if you COULD NOT have that.  I have no clue what it is like to be sick from my whacked out hormones from a child.  I have no clue what it is like to feel that baby kick or see that ultrasound or their heartbeat but I could only imagine the IMMEDIATE love and affection you have for that child.  Again, just imagine if you could NEVER have that.  How would you feel if everyone around you had this but you?

 

My heart absolutely breaks each and every time I think about not having a child and just continuously hearing of more and more people being pregnant.  It just RIPS my heart in half to know that before long, everyone in my family will have a child but me and Trent.  Again, I know that I shouldn't be this way but unfortunately, infertility does it to you.  Due to everyone having children but me is the reason I don't particularly care to be around people these days.  If I can just stay to myself and my immediate families, I feel like I am good to go. 

 

Sorry for this rant however, I just want to bring a little but of light to the whole infertility situation.  Please, before you take things for granted, realize how blessed you are if you are expecting or if you have a child.

He's such a Natural!

This will just be a short quick post but I just wanted to post a couple pictures.  These pictures of my Trentie are just too adorable.  Amber came up and had Kellen's pictures taken yesterday and Trent had to work so he was in uniform.  Since he is Uncle PoPo, we thought it would be too cute to have his picture taken with her in his PoPo uniform.  He is just such a natural holding her.  He acts like he has done it all his life.

I had posted these pictures on Facebook and had gotten so many sweet comments on these photos.  I have had a couple of people say that those pictures remind them of the next picture which is hanging in our hallway.  

My Trentie is going to be a sweet little Angel protector for little Kellen.  All I have to say is no one better mess with her because I have a feeling, they will be in BIG trouble. 

The last picture here is just a puzzle that we put together and then had it matted and framed and it is now hanging in our living room behind the front door.  It turned out super cute. 

Heartbreaker...

This purty thing right here, is going to be an absolute heart breaker!  Auntie Nay Nay thinks she already is.  But.....thats not what this post is about.... This post is about her WONDERFULLY AMAZING Uncle PoPo.

Most BEAUTIFUL baby girl I ever did see.

 This post is about these next 2 pictures..... My amazing husband which will make the most amazing father I have EVER seen.

As my sweet husband held his beautiful little niece, his eyes began to tear up.  He was getting ready to eat breakfast and I asked him if he wanted me to take her and he said no and shook his head.  I then asked if he was going to hold her while he ate and he said yes.  I got up to get his food only to look back at him wiping the tears from his face.  At that moment, my heart just broke in a million different pieces.  I knew it was so difficult on me to hold that sweet little baby girl and I also knew it would be hard on him however, to actually watch him cry was so difficult.  All I could do was hold him. 

It is so hard to know that he wants a baby so badly.  I know I have said it once before but as badly as I want a baby also, it has nothing to do with me at this point.  I want nothing more in this world than to make all his dreams come true.  I want nothing more in this world than to give him that sweet little baby that he has desired for so long.  Just to watch him interact with Kellen warms my heart so much.  He isn't afraid to hold her, he isn't afraid to change her diaper (as he changed a couple himself already), he CAN'T quit kissing her sweet little face, he talks to her all the time.  It just amazes me to watch him with kids.  I have always loved watching him with kids but to see him interact with a NEWBORN is just the most precious thing I have ever seen.

The both of us absolutely can not wait to start procedures back.  I just pray to God that he will bless us with that little bundle of joy we have tried so hard for. 

On a side note, I get frustrated and talk about how I may not continue blogging as much however, it is very unfair to those who have been so loving and supportive of us through this journey for me not to continue the blog.  I have had several people just since the other day to ask me to continue blogging and not to quit.  THANK YOU to all of you who have showed such love and support since my last blog.  I do think it is only normal for us to go through all of these feelings both good and bad but sometimes it is just so difficult to deal with.

I want to end this by saying Trent Justin, you WILL be a daddy one day.  One way or another, you WILL have a child and you WILL be the most amazing father I have EVER laid eyes upon.  I absolutely can't wait until everything we have worked so hard for pays off.  I love you more than anything in this world and can't wait to complete our family!

We will never be able to escape what we can't have......

Wow!  Watching Amber's delivery, watching my beautiful baby niece being born was the absolute most amazing thing I have been able to witness.  I was so very grateful on so many aspects that her and Jack allowed me to be a part of something so very special.  Now that it is all done and over, I am flooded with so many emotions that I desire to express.

People have told me not to apologize for venting on my blog so I won't necessarily apologize, but I will say, some of this blog will be venting and some will be some insight to my feelings that Ambers delivery has given me about mine and Trent's infertility journey.

I will first start with my feelings that experiencing Kellens birth has given me on our infertility journey.  As most everyone knows, we haven't had any procedures since January.  This break has honestly been the best thing.  We truly needed a break as we went through 5 straight months of IUI's and failure.  During this break, I have been saying I want to move to adoption all the way however Trent wants to continue IUI's and move to adoption when and if we have to.  Well, lately, I have been kinda getting semi excited about starting procedures back because our next vials we will be using has better numbers than any we have ever used before therefore, it does give me a little hope that it could still maybe work.  On the same hand though, I still feel like adoption is our for sure way to get a child right now.  After yesterday watching Amber deliver Kellen just really pushed me to want to continue with our Journey and our IUI's.  Trent wants nothing more than to experience pregnancy and child birth and seeing Kellen being born just really made me want that much more to continue with IUI's and make it possible for Trent to be able to watch his little bundle of joy being born.  No one can ever describe what an emotional, amazing, memorable, indescribable moment it is to watch a baby be born into this world much less your own little one.  I now can't wait to start our IUI's back up and truly pray to God that he will just make all of this possible for me and Trent.  My heart just breaks as I think about what an amazing moment me and Trent could have as we have wanted this for so long.  Next month we have been trying for 3 years.  It is so difficult ot know that something you want so bad for so long you just can't have.

Since Kellen's birth, I have just been flooded with all kinds of emotions that are just making me crazy.  Let me just start by saying I continue to be tickled to death for my sister and Jack.  They created one gorgeous baby girl whom I already love so dearly.  In saying all that though, being in the hospital holding such a beautiful baby made it really difficult for me.  I know several people pregnant right now and I can't honestly say that I will be able to walk back into a hospital for someone else having a baby.  I absolutely wouldn't have missed Kellen's birth for the world and again, I am tickled to death to have actually been in the delivery room to witness her actual arrival but I know it would be much more difficult to go to the hospital for someone else.  Ambers pregnancy and delivery just seem so much different than anyone elses.  Honestly, again, I am tickled to death but I took her birth harder than I thought I would.

Let me start this paragraph saying that those who have been so supportive, PLEASE do not take this personal and you know who you are if you have supported and been encouraging to us.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, to those who have been there for us.  I can't say enough thanks as you have been wonderful for us.  Now, Something I am really struggling with right now which I totally realize is somewhat selfish is how supportive or encouraging some people are for some things/some people however, I haven't not once heard "Good Luck", "I'm/We're thinking of you, I'm sorry your going through this" NOTHING!  However, if I mention Amber or Kellen, I hear all kinds of things.  For example.  When we were going through procedures, I was constantly posting on facebook for family and friends to keep up with us and the people who were always giving supportive and encouraging words are some people I NEVER would have imagined however, those you are supposed to be closest to and those you think would be there didn't say a word, didn't "like" anything or NOTHING!  BUT, let me make a status or post pictures about Amber or Amber being due in a couple weeks, or Kellen or anything, I get likes and comments by those who were not there for us at all.  There are also other things that I won't even get into that amaze me that people have supported and been there for but nothing for us.  Again, It just goes to show who your true family and friends are.  I KNOW alot of people don't know what to say to us however just a "We are thinking of you" atleast lets us know you are concerned for us.  Or if it is just a status like "Excited for IUI today" or "Numbers were good today" or "Getting ready for another IUI" again, a "like" just simply says to us you are there for us.  YES, I understand we are talking about facebook but that is just an example.  These same people have not been there for us in person either.  I have honest to God thought about deleting my facebook just so that I didn't have to worry about any communication with anyone.

I am honestly on the fence about it.  I hate to do it to the ones that have been there for us so much but when we start procedures back, I may not be keeping EVERYONE up to date as we have in the past.  I thought people cared and would be there for us but obviously I was wrong and it is only making things harder on me so, I will really have to pray about it and decide whether I will keep everyone clued in or not when we start back.
Again, I don't expect anyone to understand what we are going through because to be perfectly honest, you can't, won't and never will understand but to be honest, it is hurtful when you see everyone around you being supported and encouraged through everything but you get nothing.  Infertility has changed me in so many ways and in most ways, it has absolutely made me a bigger and better person however, in situations like this, it makes me a worse person.  I continue to pull myself further and further away from people as I feel like we don't matter to others anyways.  In church last week, Brother Micky asked what is that 1 thing that keeps you from following Christ like you should.  Infertility has definitely made me harbor ill will, anger, and frustrations towards some and I just pray that God will help me to be able to let go of some of these feelings I am having. 

Again, will others understand when I don't show up to baby showers or the hospital for the birth of their child?  Nope.  I am struggling with feeling like people may look at me like I am a bad person for not talking to anyone anymore, not coming to showers, not coming to the hospital, etc.  I don't feel as if I should ever have to explain myself in this situation however, I don't want to feel like I am a bad person because of what I have had to go through with infertility.  Fact of the matter is until we have a child if we ever do, WE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE WHAT WE CAN'T HAVE WHICH WE SO STRONGLY DESIRE!!!  My mom explained it perfect a while back about the fresh scab that continues to be picked at when it is trying to heal.  I really don't feel like this scab will ever heal.  I just feel like I have been hurt not only by people but by infertility in general and it is just so difficult to heal from.  Again, you wouldn't understand until you go through it.  How can a couple who has a stable marriage suffer from infertility?  How can a couple who is as stable as me and Trent suffer from infertility?  Their are marriages falling apart which pop them out left and right!  How can a couple who has so much love for one another suffer from infertility?  I could honestly go on and on.  It is just so difficult to understand why God is specifically putting me and Trent through this test.  I have said it time and time again.  Our marriage simply amazes me.  I honest to God have never seen a marriage like ours.  Marriage just comes so simple for us.  Its also crazy to me because alot of times infertility can break a marriage but nope, not us.  Made us stronger.  Its crazy to me that normally the male is the one ready to end infertility treatments first but nope, not us.  I would have give up long ago had it not been for Trent's love and support.  Thank God I have him because honestly, without him, I sometimes feel like I would have noone.  Our immediate families have also been amazing for us through it all also but they don't understand either.

As I end this, I want to end it with something that means a TON to me right now.
Before you assume, learn the facts.
Before you judge, understand why.
Before you hurt someone, feel.
Before you speak, think.

Again, I say Thank You to those who has taken the time to listen to me basically whine and cry and vent on here tonight but I just need to let it out.

Kellen NaCole Watts 4/17/12 @ 448pm - 6lb 15oz - 19.5 in

WARNING!!!  I think its only obvious that there will be tons of pics posted.

Kellen's birth story from the Auntie Nay Nay's perspective.

When we got to the hospital, Amber got checked in and put in her labor and delivery room.  Once we got settled in, I straightened her hair and then mom went back over her hair to finish some places I missed.  After we got her hair straightened, I done her makeup.  She looked Beautiful and was ready to go. 

All made up and ready to start labor

At about 6:30am, they started the Pitocin drip on her and she was dilated to a 1 at that point. At about 8:30am, the doctor came in, she was still at a 1 and then he broke her water and I believe they increased the Pitocin drip at that time. The doctor had already told her the other day that she had a small pelvis and may have a hard time delivering that if she was not dilating 1cm an hour that they would maybe have to do a C-Section so when he broke the water, he went over the C-Section stuff with her again and explained that if she was stuck at a certain dilation for long that they would go ahead and take her in for C-Section. (Amber's small pelvis and possible difficulty with vaginal delivery on her own was the reason for induction hoping Kellen wouldn't gain much more weight (at her last appointment, she was told Kellen was approx 7lb 7oz) or else the vaginal delivery would have been even more unlikely for her.) We all kinda got the impression that he really didn't think she would dilate well and was unsure of what the day had in store for her. After breaking the water, she then pretty quickly began to have contractions pretty good and after a while had asked for some pain medicine which they gave her through the IV. She was told that the pain medicine would not take away the pain however, it would help it. WRONG! The contractions quickly intensified and got closer and closer together. The next check on her was at 11:15am and at that time, she knew she would be asking for the epidural during this check the contractions were so strong. She had already by that point dilated to a 4 and they could tell she was hurting pretty good. They then decreased the pitocin since she had already dilated so quickly. The epidural came immediately and they hit it right off the bat and she done great. After the epidural, she was immediately able to relax and get a little bit of rest before the next check. She was then checked again around 1:30pm and was dilated to a 7. During this check, Kellen was head down however facing the side so they made Amber turn to her side in hopes to make Kellen turn more. The Dr was simply amazed at how well Amber had done and how quickly she had dilated since he had concerns with her not dilating well. She had another check around 3:15 and she had then dilated to a 9. During this check, Kellen was so low that they thought she was turned the right way but couldn't tell positively. They also said that she would be pushing within an hour if not less. To make sure Kellen was turned the right way, they pulled up one of the stirrups and made Amber lay on her side with one leg and hip propped up into that stirrup. I don't know for sure what time we started pushing but it was around 4:15. Once she started pushing, we knew it wouldn't take much at all and Kellen would be here. She done rounds of pushing for 10 seconds in sets of 3. She done this twice with contractions. After these 6 pushes, the nurse said that with the next contraction, she couldn't push because Kellen would be here and the doctor wasn't here at that point. A contraction came and gone and then in ran the doctor. He looked over at her at saw the progress she had made and started throwing on his stuff quickly. He realized baby was basically here. With the next contraction, she started pushing. We don't remember if she pushed 2 or 3 times with this contraction but within 2 or 3 pushes, out came Kellen. She delivered Kellen like a true pro. Her first child and she pushed through 3 contractions making a total of 8 or 9 pushes all together.  I have said several times that she went through labor and delivery like she has delievered 10 kids in the past.  She was a true trooper.  I am so very proud of Amber and Jack for all of their hard work during this pregnancy, labor and delivery.  I know Amber is tickeled to have her hear and have her pregnancy done and over since she was sick every day of her pregnancy.

Now, let me share my good exciting news for the day.  The plan was that Jack and mom be in the delivery room and then after she was born, mom would come and get me and I would then come visit her before others.  Well, during her labor, I think she was at a 7cm, Amber told me she wanted me to stay in there with her.  I was thrilled but made sure her and Jack knew that I didn't expect it at all, and if at any point they wanted me to leave to tell me and I would.  I was also thrilled because I then knew I could get the pictures of the family that I always wanted when I gave birth.  So, enjoy the pictures to follow.

The second they laid Kellen on Ambers chest.  Such a priceless moment.

Another priceless moment with Amber and Jack with Kellen just
seconds after she was born.

Just seconds after she was born

Again, just seconds after she was born

Kellen NaCole Watts born at 4:48pm - 19.5 inches long - 6lb 15oz - Apgar score of 9.9.  WOW!!!  We have one heck of a healthy baby girl on our hands.  Again, I am totally amazed with Amber's delivery.  Labor started around 8:30am and delivery was at 4:48pm which means she had about an 8.5 hour labor with a first child.  WAIT TO GO SISTER!!!

When she was born, we figured they would pretty much immediately take her away to the nursery.  WRONG!!!  It was crazy because right after she was born, they took her over to the baby area and told me and mom we can just stand there with her and hold her and everything.  They laid her down and walked away and she was left with us.  We was amazed with that.  After they got done dealing with Amber, they finally came back and got her from me and mom and wiped her off and wrapped her in a blanket than gave her back to us.  I guess since her Apgar score was so awesome, they wasn't very concerned and they let her stay in the room with us for a little more than an hour before coming to get her and take her to the nursery.

Auntie Nay Nay giving that beautiful baby girl some love just minutes
after delivery when they left her with us.

Me and mom giving baby girl some love just minutes after birth
when they left her with us.

Me and Beautiful Kellen just minutes after she was born

Dr. Taylor and Melody with Kellen.  We couldn't have asked for a
better labor and delivery crew than she had.

The sweet first Watts family photo

The Vaughn family with Kellen

Kellens feet with her Watts foot band

Her its a girl tag with her information on it with her laying there.

The day after delivery

Her sweet little baby hand all wrinkly

Pretty girl

Amber and her Beautiful baby girl the day after delivery

Beautiful Kellen the day after delivery

Sweet baby girl

CONGRATS TO THE WATTS FAMILY!!!  YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!!!

2 Analogies

The first analogy I came up with and I meant to post in my earlier blog but I forgot.  I know this is silly but I meant to post it.  Quiting elevators is like quiting cokes.  Yep sounds crazy I know.  When I stopped drinking cokes, I would pull up to drive through or at a restaurant and tell them out of habit that I wanted a Diet Coke then quickly had to change it to water.  Well, at work, I have quit elevators.  When I quit the elevators a week ago, I would walk up to the elevator out of habit and press the button once I realized what I done, I turned around and took the stairs.  I can now say, I think I have gotten used to the stairs and don't press the elevator button anymore.  Going the stairs makes a big difference because I have to go up 6 flights of stairs to get to my floor where I work.

The second analogy, my mom just told me and it relates to me and the infertility journey.  She said "It's like a fresh scab that can't heal.  Each time it starts to heal, it just keeps getting picked at more and more"  I think this analogy is wonderful and describes me to the tee.  I am the scab and every time I begin to heal and every time I start doing so well, I find out something else that sets me back.  I feel like this scab will never heal.  I pray that God allows us to one day SOON become parents so this scab can fully heal and leave NO SCARS.  I would like to say that a child would make us forget everything we have been through however as much as we absolutely HATE the journey we have been through, I never want to forget everything we have went through to accomplish our dreams.  Our journey has made us the bigger better people we are today and if we never forget what we have been through, we will only appreciate, love and adore our child just that much more.

Ok, I am done, I won't continue to bore everyone for the day.