2 Analogies

The first analogy I came up with and I meant to post in my earlier blog but I forgot.  I know this is silly but I meant to post it.  Quiting elevators is like quiting cokes.  Yep sounds crazy I know.  When I stopped drinking cokes, I would pull up to drive through or at a restaurant and tell them out of habit that I wanted a Diet Coke then quickly had to change it to water.  Well, at work, I have quit elevators.  When I quit the elevators a week ago, I would walk up to the elevator out of habit and press the button once I realized what I done, I turned around and took the stairs.  I can now say, I think I have gotten used to the stairs and don't press the elevator button anymore.  Going the stairs makes a big difference because I have to go up 6 flights of stairs to get to my floor where I work.

The second analogy, my mom just told me and it relates to me and the infertility journey.  She said "It's like a fresh scab that can't heal.  Each time it starts to heal, it just keeps getting picked at more and more"  I think this analogy is wonderful and describes me to the tee.  I am the scab and every time I begin to heal and every time I start doing so well, I find out something else that sets me back.  I feel like this scab will never heal.  I pray that God allows us to one day SOON become parents so this scab can fully heal and leave NO SCARS.  I would like to say that a child would make us forget everything we have been through however as much as we absolutely HATE the journey we have been through, I never want to forget everything we have went through to accomplish our dreams.  Our journey has made us the bigger better people we are today and if we never forget what we have been through, we will only appreciate, love and adore our child just that much more.

Ok, I am done, I won't continue to bore everyone for the day.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly!

Well as my title says, this blog will be about the good, the bad and the ugly.  I have been wanting to post for a couple days now however, as of today, I just need to vent so my blog will be a great place to vent and let it all out.  That being said, please excuse me in advance when I get to the bad part if I start rambling.  Actually, please feel free to excuse yourself from my page if you don't want to read it.  I totally understand as I am just an emotional ball of mess right now.

Anyways, The good.  Lets just say the GREAT!!!  A week ago today, I started a diet.  I have NEVER been the type of person to have to worry about what I eat, what I weigh or anything like that.  Of course, that was when I was active playing ball and not a worry in the world.  I am very ashamed to say that just since me and Trent met, I have put on a whopping 68 pounds.  WOW!!!  I can't believe I just said that.  That is absolutely ridiculous.  Now, I am totally ashamed and can't believe I am actually fixing to announce my weight to the world but when I started my diet, I weighed in at 193 pounds.  As I said, today makes a week that I have been on my diet and as of today, I am down 3.6 pounds weighing in at 189.4.  I am so very proud of myself.  When I first started it, I was unsure of how well I would be sticking to the diet but knew that I was truly bound and determined to loose some of the weight I had gained and even more determined to loose some before our upcoming cruise.  I have worked out everyday but 2 and I am trying to stick as close to a 1200 calorie diet as possible.  I know that since I am working out, I can take in more than 1200 but I just try to limit myself by saying 1200.  Also, I have read in many places that it's not healthy to loose more than 2 pounds a week and I am not trying to loose more than 2 a week but it just happened so I am not complaining.  Anyways, I just had to share the good news as I am so excited and happy for myself.

The bad.  (this is the place where if you don't want to hear me whine and complain, you don't have to read any further)  Today, I am really struggling with the INFERTILITY MONSTER.  BAD!!!  It is so very difficult right now on so many levels.  Everyone around us is pregnant or has a newborn/infant/child/combination of all the above.  This I think is quiet obvious why it is so difficult.  This is something that we have tried for for almost 3 years now.  It is so hard to say that we have been trying to accomplish our dreams for 3 years now with nothing but failure.  I HATE using the word failure however when it comes to fertility, that is the only word I can think of.  I think failure is the only word that can explain fertility to me right now.  Another reason it is so difficult right now is because every single time I start thinking I am doing so good, something else happens to flip my world upside down.  It was just Saturday that me and my mom were talking and we were talking about how great I had been doing with it all especially during this break we are taking and now here we are today and something happens that totally shifts everything for me.  Another reason it is so very difficult is because we don't know not even 1 person personally that could ever understand what we are going through.  I feel like at times, I could be judged for my feelings or actions just because some will never understand what we go through and struggle with on a daily basis with infertility.  Another reason I struggle with it so bad is because I feel like we are going to have yet another Christmas childless.  No one understands the difficulty it was for me to be around children at Christmas time.  No one will understand this year when I don't want to be at my grandparents house for Christmas just because I will have even more babies/children around me than before.  I dearly love being at my grandparents for Christmas as this has been a tradition since before I was born however, this year, I am going to struggle very bad.  I know we are still talking 9 months away however, I already dread it.  Another reason it is so difficult for me, me and Trent have ALWAYS been on the same level and in agreeance on the whole infertility issue however, now I am ready to just move on and quit IUI's but he isn't.  He does agree to adoption and wants to but he wants to continue with IUI's first to where I just want to go straight to adoption now.  I just beg God, PLEASE give us answers.  Please help us to understand.  I hate this slump I have fell into today as I have now resorted back to asking why?  Why us?  What have we done so wrong?  Why do we not deserve children?  WHY?  WHY? WHY?  God please help us to understand.
I honest to God just wish this was all over by now.  I honest to God wish God would just take the desire to be a parent away from me.  If I didn't desire it, I wouldn't have to hurt so bad.
I feel so guilty complaining about everyone being pregnant because as everyone knows, I am absolutely ecstatic about my sister being due in April.  I can not wait to meet my baby niece Kellen next month.  It is also difficult for me to say but I honest to God don't know how I am so happy about her pregnancy as I take everyone elses so hard.  Hers just seems so different for some reason.  I actually do find it humerus because she has always said she lives vicariously through me with my vacations.  Maybe hers is so different because I am now living vicariously through her with her pregnancy.  All I can say is baby Kellen will be spoiled stinky by her Auntie Nay Nay and Uncle PoPo.  I said the other day that if Kellen was not here by April 20th (her due date is April 22nd and we are going on a cruise not long after) Anyways, if she isn't here by April 20th, I am sitting on Ambers stomach and pushing Kellen out.  Trent informed me that if I hurt Kellen, he was going to hurt me.  Yep, I sense a protective Uncle PoPo already. lol   

The ugly.  Well, that is me right now!  I am the ugly.  After typing this blog and crying, I feel horribly ugly.  I really just needed to let it all out.  I do apologize to those who sincerely took the time to read my blog even the bad part.  I meant no offense to anyone in this blog, I just need to let some feelings flow.  Trent is my rock and my hero and I am so blessed with an amazing man to listen to me and let me cry on his shoulder.  Again though, I hate crying to him about all this as I know it is difficult on him too and I hate bringing out the negativity and sadness in him.

Right now more than ever, WE CAN NOT WAIT until our vacation.  Cruise time CAN NOT get here quick enough.  This trip is so much needed and well deserved for the two of us.  Anyways, I guess now, I will get off of here and take my frustrations out on working out.

Life Update - It's been a while.

Wow, it has been a long time since I have truly updated everyone on us.  I will try to make it as short and sweet as possible.  We have been doing good.  We have been extremely busy.  We had hoped that during our break with IUI's we wouldn't have to worry about a thing in the world.  WRONG!!!  Without going into the whole long story, I will just say that we have had nothing but drama out of dentist.  I think we have finally found a dentist that knows what they are doing.  We hope atleast.  The first dentist caused a root canal on Trent, the second dentist said Trent had 8 cavities and finally he went to a third dentist that seems to know what they are doing so hopefully, all the dental drama is done.  We have had a couple other things also.  It just seems like everything hits at one time always.  My little Heart and Sew Creations business has really been booming and I have honestly been staying pretty busy with all of that stuff on top of my full time job.  Each day when I come home, I am sewing something.  Its busy and I like it.  Its exactly what I had hoped for and it is defiantly helping bring in a little money. 

Yesterday, I had a yearly follow up with my woman doctor and they had some encouraging words even though, I feel like I have almost gave up on the IUI's.  Of course, we are still going to continue them when the time comes that we can start back but obviously they are discouraging me.  First of all, I felt absolutely ridiculous because I am used to Trent being with me to all of those kinds of appointments these days and obviously he wasn't there because it was just a yearly check up.  We know the nurse that works in the office and she asked where we were in the whole process and for some crazy reason, I teared up.  It was crazy because I haven't cried over infertility in a really long time.  The ridiculous part was because I felt like I was crying just because Trent wasn't there with me.  The nurse comforted me and told me she totally understood.  I explained to her where we were and also told her we are closer to adoption than ever.  We haven't started adoption papers or anything so we can't just go broadcasting to pregnant women however, if one approached us, we could take it.  The nurse said, you never know, it could happen.  I had told her to keep us in mind and she said we were definitely top on her list.  I had explained to her as I explain to everyone that I would like to pursue both and whichever one happened first was obviously what God's will was for us and it was just meant to be.  I also told her, It is all God's timing and we were just waiting for his time.  She had reassured me that I had the best thinking possible.  Without our faith in God, we would never have a child.  When the doctor came in, he also asked our progress and I had also explained to him and told him adoption was definitely an option.  He was honestly encouraging because he knew we have had 5 failed IUI's however, he also reassured me that with Nashville Fertility Center, we were at the best place we could be not to give up and keep trying.  This made me feel good however, I obviously still have my doubts if it is meant to be in that way.  He also really comforted my fears about infertility drugs causing cervical cancers.  He said that had been a concern however, it has not been proven a fact that the infertility drugs do in deed cause cancer.  He also said the women who get cancer with infertility drugs, its usually related to not ovulating however, since I ovulate, it reduces my risk even more.  Anyways that's enough with the whole infertility deal since we are taking a break from it, I don't even like to talk about it.  We are on a break so we shouldn't worry about it at all right?

Anyways, I have been searching for FOREVER for a police picture for Trent and I have NEVER had any luck finding one.  You would think googling police pictures, cop pictures, policeman pictures, etc would find something but no.  Never any luck.  Trent has also always wanted a police picture which fueled my fire to find one a little bit more.  Well, a friend on facebook posted a cop picture and Trent had responded "where did you find this. I freaking want it."  When I saw that comment, I was bound and determined to find it somewhere somehow.  The person who posted it, did not have the picture just saw it on someone else profile and re posted it.  Well, at the top of the picture, it said The difference between us and them so I googled that saying.  Still nothing.  Well, I then googled The difference between us and them police picture and TADA!!!!  It popped right up.  I was the happiest girl in the whole world.  Well they had a small picture like a 9x13 that wasn't framed or anything then the next size up was framed and was 18x26.  Needless to say, since it was so big, it was pretty pricey.  When I got ready to check out, I saw a spot for a promo code.  I then called the company and asked them if they would give me the promo code and they did therefore, it saved me $40.  $40 is ALOT compared to what I gave for it.  It definitely helped with the price and I was very appreciative for them giving it to me.  Also, you remember our hero hallway post?  I had mentioned I wanted to get my curio cabinet from my parents and put it in the hallway and put cop stuff in it.  Well, we got my curio cabinet and it is all fixed up in the hallway.  See the pictures below for our new and improved hallway and also to see picture of the police picture I bought my Trentie.

I hope everyone else is doing well.  The biggest thing we look forward to is our upcoming vacation.  We can't wait to get away.  We are really excited also because Trent's parents are going with us.  Hopefully we can get them addicted to cruising like us.  lol. 

Anyways, enjoy the pictures posted below. 



Curio Cabinet with PoPo stuff in it.  It also has something
Fireman in it for Uncle Kenny and then it has something
Army in there for Uncle Ernie.

Picture of our wall where we hung the new picture I got Trent.  The middle
picture is his new picture I got him.  The picture on the left, I actually
crosstitched for him, the one on the right, I bought him when he first
became a cop and then the one on the very top is the Policeman Prayer
with his picture.  The other ones are some of his certificates.

The new picture I got him.  I absolutely LOVE it.  I love the policeman with wings
that looks like the American flag also, the flag with the eagle at the top right corner.
I also love that the cop has his arm around a little kid.  I love that because Trent loves
kids and when he deals with kids at work, when he tells me the stories at home, his
eyes just light up.


The Breaking Point and Same Ol' Infertility Crap

Really, I just don't even know where to start.  I guess I will start by saying we tested this morning and as always, it was no surprise that it was negative again.  We have had alot of crap lately that has just built up to make things so difficult.  Without going into our financial business, I will just say that we both have dental work that has to be done (not to mention it is due to a negligent dentist), an outrageous bill we just received for blood work done back in December for infertility, and a couple more things that all add up and not to mention all our infertility costs up to date.  All of this is really starting to wear on us as we have already spent so much money on it all.  I just feel like we are flushing thousands of dollars down the toilet.  And Not that we aren't happy for people that we find out are pregnant but its hurtful.  The whole time we have been trying, we have known a ton of people to become pregnant.  Quiet obviously it's hard to get that news.  Last night as we are hearing of yet more people that are pregnant, obviously, in the back of our minds, we are anxious about testing this morning.  All this built up, just led to a horribly sad and disastrous night.  Last night, with all these things built up, it really hit me hard and I was honestly at a huge breaking point.  I broke down and cried more than I have in a VERY long time.  Now is the time to say just how much I admire my wonderful husband.  We had company and I had to excuse myself to the bedroom because as I sat on the couch, tears started to fall.  Once I got in the bedroom, I just had to let it all out.  Once company left, my Trentie came in, laid on the bed with me and just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.  At the time when everything seems SO wrong and so very hard, the instant he wrapped his arms around me and pulled my head into his chest just to let me cry, it just instantly felt like everything was SO right and was just a little bit easier.  I absolutely LOVE the marriage that we have and as I have said probably a million times, I am incredibly proud of us and everything that we have been able to accomplish. 

Now that I have rambled the first paragraph.  We have been trying to plan our vacation and last night (especially with that one huge unexpected bill) we started to think that we will most likely not be taking a vacation this year.  Yes, we know its not the end of the world not to have vacation however, this is something that we thoroughly enjoy together.  What bothers us more than anything is that something that we don't even have is holding us back. If we had a child, we would care less if we went on vacation however, this is one thing that we LOVE doing together and we can't even do it.  It just seems unfair that we have went through all this stress and finance of infertility for nothing up to this point.  We should be able to and in our opinions, we very much deserve to be able to go on vacation which we love to do so much together and just relax and forget about everything we have been through over the past 3 years of trying to get pregnant.  Anyways, in all this being said, who knows what we will do for vacation.  We wanted to go on a cruise and my in laws go with us but who knows now if that will happen.  We may have to just escape somewhere for the weekend.  This afternoon when I got home from work, Trent said screw it, we were going to do what we originally planned and go on a cruise and enjoy ourselves.  We will see what actually plays out and happens though.

This morning, Larry Winget posted on his facebook page something that hit me like a ton of bricks.  He said "People say "Never give up!" While I get that you shouldn't give up too soon, there is a time to give up. Some people stick with a thing that is never going to work. Why not go ahead and give up on a bad idea? Even when you have given a good idea your all and it just doesn't work for you, walk away and go try something else"  This is something that I have seriously been battling with for a while. While I am not ready to give up on what we are doing, Is it time?  I have mentioned very little on the blog about my thoughts of adoption but more and more, I feel like it is time to move on.  Trent has thought more about it lately than ever however still not quiet to the point of starting the process. Anyways, he actually came to my work and took me out to eat for lunch today.  It was nice to get away because after such a rough night last night and the negative this morning, I didn't really feel like being at work.  When he picked me up, I could just tell that everything had been weighing on his mind alot today.  I don't know if many people remember this or saw it on the blog but remember little Matthew the adoption that fell into our laps just a couple weeks after we found out what our fertility problem was?  Well, obviously, timing just wasn't right at that point and time.  We hadn't had time to grieve our issues and even think straight much less take in a child right then and there.  Do we regret not taking him in?  No, he is in a WONDERFUL home now and his parents very much deserved a child just as much as we did therefore, I am tickled for the family that got him.  Now the question is do we look back and it make us sad?  Absolutely.  It is hard to look back and say that we could have a child a year and 5 months old.  Anyways, back to my story.  Trent said that he had been beating himself up all morning for not taking Matthew when we had our chance.  I told him, the last thing we can do is beat ourselves up for it.  He feels like God opened that door for us and we turned around and closed it.  Timing just wasn't right.  If it was meant to be, it would have happened.  Trent says he is tempted to call the lady back that told us about Matthew and tell her to keep her ears open for us.  I know that God still has a very special plan for us, I just wish we didn't have to wait and see what that plan is.  We want to know NOW!!!

Anyways, I will end this blog now as it has been ridiculously long.  Please just continue to keep us in your prayers as we have so much on our plates right now.  By the way, If any of you out there that are reading this is pregnant, please don't take offense to what I said earlier.  It is just very difficult for us to hear of so many people pregnant when we want nothing more in this world than to become parents.

IUI #5

I will start with yesterday, the ultrasound day.  Last month I responded really quickly to the new med Femara and detected ovulation early on CD 11.  Normally the ultrasounds are not done until CD 14 or 15 however since we detected ovulation so early, they went ahead and done ultrasound next day.  Thank God we did because they said that if we hadn't of detected it, that it would have been too late and we would have missed ovulation all together and wouldn't have had procedure last month.  Well, this month since I responded so quickly last month, they went ahead and brought me in on CD11 for ultrasound.  This time, I didn't have all the symptoms of ovulation and I hadn't detected ovulation yet so I thought maybe I didn't respond as quickly this month as I did last month.  Well, obviously I was wrong, because I had an egg follicle at 21.5mm and we went ahead and got shot yesterday and scheduled me for the IUI today.

As I said the other day, this IUI was going to be tuff because Trent was not going to be able to be with me for this one however, he absolutely refused to skip a month and put it off.  I was so very grateful that my mom was able to come to my house and stay the weekend with me and also be able to go with me for my IUI.  Yesterday after the ultrasound, when we found out that IUI would definitely be today, Trent said "I expect your mom to cover my job tomorrow"  I text that to mom and her response was "I got the timer covered"  This is so funny because after EVERY SINGLE IUI that we have had, Trent has always turned the time up from 15 minutes that we have to lay to 20 minutes.  He always wants me to lay longer than what they say to but that is perfectly fine with me because I am never ready to get up when time is up anyways.  Anyways, today went exceptionally well.  Obviously I missed Trent tremendously but there was nothing that we could do about it.  I made sure to call him several times and text him throughout everything.  As we were waiting for the vial to unthaw, I thought I heard a woman say "Whoever is going to do hers today will be here until 4:00"  It had already seemed like it was taking longer than normal and my heart immediately sank.  I was afraid they were talking about me and I was afraid that meant that our numbers were bad in the 1 vial we unthawed and I thought we were going to have to wait on unthawing a 2nd vial.  It wasn't 5 minutes later, they came and got me and I said "I hope you have good news for me"  I looked down at the chart and saw 13.8million motile sperm count.  I about died when I saw this.  For 1, I already had in my mind that it was bad and we were going to have to unthaw a 2nd vial.  For 2, this is the best count we have ever had and for 3, I was totally shocked at the number because the paperwork I have states that there was only about 13.4 million motile sperm count before unthawing.  This means that we have more motile sperm after thawing than there even was in the vial all together.  There could be 2 reasons for this.  1)  There were 2 vials from that same day so maybe they just took a collective number and split it in half and said each vial had half of the total number.  In doing that, maybe it ended up where more than half the total number ended up in 1 vial and less than half ended up in the other vial. or 2) maybe someone miss counted either the Cryobank or the Fertility Center.  We would like to believe that option number 1 was the reasoning for the WONDERFUL numbers.  Anyways, back to the story.  When I saw on the chart walking down the hall that our numbers were 13.8 million motile, I immediately had to text Trent and tell him the wonderful news.  He was tickled to death and responded with Whooo Hooo.  Once we got in the room, I told the woman to give us a few minutes before I changed to pray then me and mom prayed, I got changed and the nurse came in.  First thing she said when she came back in was "I was praying with ya'll out there".  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Kristin done the procedure again this time.  We just loved the fact that she said she was praying with us.  Procedure went great.  Nice and quick as usual and then we were out of there.

Since mom had to take care of Trent's job today, we made sure to get all the same pictures as me and Trent normally does together. 

In the waiting room waiting on the vials to thaw

Right after IUI was done.

Mom making sure to get Trent's job done.  If you will remember, we got
a picture of Trent doing this the last IUI.

Me talking to Trentie after the IUI and letting him know how it went.

I wish I could have gotten a picture of it but I was driving so I couldn't.  Almost the whole way home, there was a little rainbow in the sky and it hadn't even rained at all.  We said that was God's promise to us.  On the way home, mom also talked to my daddy and he said "Today is the day".  I just pray that all of this is good signs and we will get pregnant off of IUI#5.

UPDATE:  I totally forgot to add a couple of important things.  1)  Another wonderful thing that happened today was we had a $70 credit that we were unaware of therefore this IUI was cheaper than normal.  With the cost we have already paid, this is always a HUGE plus to know we have saved money.  If we can save a penny, we are tickled to death. lol
2)  I forgot to tell when we test and all that good stuff.  We will be testing on February 9th so hopefully we will have the best Valentines Day we could ever imagine.  The funny thing about this month is Trent has ALWAYS wanted to have a spook baby and if we are pregnant off of this month of IUI, we will be due around October 22nd so Trent will get what he has always wanted.  Which will also be great because little Miss Kellen and our baby will only be 6 months apart.  Trent will be off of work the day that we test so that will be good that he won't have to deal with work after getting the news.  Hopefully this time it won't matter and we can just celebrate instead of sulking. lol

I figured while I was updating the blog, I would go ahead and post a couple of Beautiful sunset pictures tonight as we were coming home.  I didn't get our promising rainbow but we did get the pretty sunset.

Zoomed in

Upcoming IUI and Updates

Never give up. This may be your moment for a miracle. - Greg Anderson

I post this quote because I really needed to hear this.  This month is a sad month as far as IUI goes and I really considered putting this month off more than I ever have before but Trent absolutely refuses to put it off.  He is just so ready for everything to happen, he doesn't want a break regardless of what the situation is until we are forced into one (which will be after this month if it doesnt work)This month is the first month that we have came across any problems in the IUI date and work schedules.  In our 4 previous IUI's if we were scheduled to work, we were both easily able to get off work.  This time is different.  Thursday is the day we have the Ultrasound and if everything looks good with the ultrasound, IUI#5 will be on Friday.  Trent is off work Thursday so the ultrasound is no problem however, he has to work Friday and is unable to get off of work.  There is already someone else taking off and only 1 person can take off at a time.  The other person has to take off for his wife's surgery so there is no getting around it.  Too bad this ain't his week to work Thursday and be off Friday because I wouldn't care at all to go to Ultrasound by myself.

I am very blessed and so very grateful because my mom is going to get to go with me and it will just be me and her.  I am so glad she is able to take off work and be with me.  I could go by myself but it is just not something I want to be alone for.

It will be just our luck that this is the 1 time Trent can't go and you just watch, this will end up being the one that works. 

I guess I will update everyone after Friday and let everyone know how everything goes.  Please keep us in your prayers that everything goes well. 

Other than the sadness of the upcoming IUI, we are doing great.  No complaints but I will briefly update everyone.  We have been attending Mars Hill Baptist Church for several months now but on Sunday, we officially became members of the church.  We just love the church and Pastor Micky and all his wonderful sermons that he preaches.  We just feel so at home there.  Trent has been doing well since his Lithotripsy.  He only had pain 1 time and that was a couple days after the procedure.  He has pain for about 30 minutes and then a day or 2 later, passed a pretty big chunk of the busted up stone.  I think he has passed all the pieces of stone by now or it seems like it atleast.  Of course, we get him over one thing and then he gets another.  Thank God this time he doesn't have the N/V/D but he has congested, stopped up, sore throat and all that good stuff.  The doctor was shocked that his Strep test wasn't positive because he said Trent's throat looked horrible.  He is on antibiotics and all that good stuff so hopefully he will get feeling better soon.  Other than that, I really can't think of anything new that we have had going on.

And to end this blog, I have to show off my 2 most recent projects.  Two onesies that I made baby Kellen.

Trent will be called Uncle PoPo

I am Auntie Nay Nay.  That came from my middle
name NaCole.

Miss Kellen NaCole

I know this is not our normal blog update but I just am so very excited about my little niece that is on the way so I wanted to show some things off. 

Oh how my sweet little niece Miss Kellen NaCole is so very spoiled already.  Auntie Nay Nay can't walk into anywhere without buying her something and she ain't even gonna be here until April. 

I bought miss Kellen all these bows and headbands and then I made the
hairbow and headband holder that they are hanging on.
I just Love it.

An outfit that I got Kellen and then I made the hairbow to go with it.

Another outfit that I got Kellen and a bow that I made to match it.
This bow it super cute.

There is something else that I am going to make, but it will have to stay a secret until after I do it.  I made one tonight but I messed it up because I wasn't being cautious with it.  I was just basically doing a tester.  As crazy as I have went over miss Kellen, I can not imagine what it will be like if we ever find out that we are pregnant. 

Speaking of if we ever get pregnant, we go back in on Thursday for our ultrasound and if everything looks good, we will go back Friday for IUI #5.  I know we say it every time but we hope and pray that it works this time.

Anyways, I Just wanted to show off a few of Kellen's things that I think are too cute.